A guy at work keeps staring at me, he will talk to me, but then other times act like I don’t exist. Does this mean he doesn’t want to be friends?

[Anonymous]

So I just moved departments at work and I was in a meeting and there was this guy there and at the end of the meeting I caught him looking at me and we made eye contact. I’m not really used to that so I kind of hurried off right after the meeting. Then I kept seeing him all over the place at work and I kept catching him looking at me and we kept making eye contact but neither of us would say anything. I finally got the courage to just say hi. So when I ran into him again we both smiled and he said hi first. Then we started talking about work and he was asking surface level personal questions. It was nice and I thought I made a friend. Now he always says hi and bye to me. He’s also super busy with work. So anyway, lately he has been more standoffish but still says hi and bye and I still catch him looking at me. But I was with a coworker and he walked by, said hi to them, then ignored me. Later in the day I saw him talking to another coworker friend of mine who I don’t ever see him talk to. Then we had a meeting again and the moment I walked in the room he stared at me and watched me until I sat down.

Obviously I am super confused on what is going on. Is it possible I did something to offend him and I just don’t realize? I was kind of hoping to be friends at least or maintain a good work relationship.

Any ideas as to what might be going on?

[DoggyDude]

So, I can speak to my own experiences at work. There are one or two very good looking girls working in our offices, in the same area as me. The first time I noticed them as good looking I would be attracted to check them out, especially if they were wearing a particularly great outfit. Though, longer term they where not my types (they just looked great). After a while, I stopped checking them out, unless they happened to wear something particularly nice. So that's one possibility, you looked hot, they aprechiated that but they wheren't looking for you as a long term match / prospect.

A second possibility is they really found you very hot and where keen to get to know you, but you didn't talk to them early on or stopped smiling at them quite as friendly (or maybe missed smiling at them when they smiled at you) so they just wrote it down to your not that interested and became likewise.

Lastly, I need to cover this because recently I ran into this. There was the most amazingly pretty girl who I honestly want to be my future and start a family with (a bit ahead of everything there, but thats the thing, you see someone you know pretty quickly how you feel about them and if you can see having kids with them on day 1 thats a pretty serious thing). We smiled at each other but I was way to shy, and didn't get to chat to her. I ran across her when catching the lift (a million to one situation) but it was on a day I was in a really lousy mood, so didn't initially recognise her. Then she smiled, THE most welcoming and loving smile and I fell completly in love with a stranger right then (which is not something I've ever had before, nor wish to have again; It's amazing but its so much pressure right out the gate). So I smiled back, but I was miseralble that day so my smile faded far quicker than I'd like (and unrelated to her smiling, but more to my depressed state); When I caught the lift, I stood in a bad postion, gave out a very watery smile, looked to the world like I was shunning her and had the WORST day of my life to date (since it got left that I'm certain she's sure I'm a jerk and that I changed my mind liking her, which is obviously completely wrong).

So... in summary, you won't know until you follow up. Here's what I learned from that fateful day:

• Be in the moment (don't bring your baggage from the day/life into it)
• Be positive (assume the best, that the smile was as you experienced it)
• Tell them properly (let them know how you feel about them, don't need to go crazy but tell them enough so if you never see them ever again your sure they knew how you felt)

The last one is the most important.

Also, if all your caring about is being professional. Just presume you are (assuming your trying to be). Don't worry about how they see stuff.

If you have feelings for them, think they might have feelings for you and that interests you. Just talk with them, spend time; Suggest get togethers that are dissociated from work to disambiguate the interest.

[strateguy632]

he talked to you showed he wanted frends. other times maybe busy, or showed frend zone.

[Anonymous]

You should avoid any serious work relationships. It usually doesn't end well.

[Asker]

Certainly not interested in anything like that. I really just want to be friends I just don’t know how to read his behavior is all.

[Avicenna]

More likely, he's concerned who might notice at some times

[boobliker]

yes thats a man