When you ask if they see a relationship with you again in the future and they don't actually give a straight answer what does it mean?

[Anonymous]

So he broke up with me for the third time, and we had a conversation two days later about working on ourselves and seeing if we could grow back together.

We have been together for 12 years and we are currently still living together. I was told I needed to work on my self confidence and positivity and I have. We have been broken up for just over a month and I've worked on it the entire time and continue to do so.

Well it for brought up the other day about dating and he said when we had went our last week to do some stuff it was kind or a date because I had asked about dating me. I said I mean in a relationship and he said I didn't specify that. And then proceeded to tell me he wasn't answering that question because it's a loaded question. If he says no I don't want to me with you it'll hurt my feelings and if he says yes then it creates expectations and even more hope then I already have for him to ask me back out. I said that being left in the unknown like that scares people and he said yeah I know it sucks. Yet he's doing it to me. I said most people would probably assume it means no then and he said that I can think it means no but it doesn't mean I'm right.

So from other peopls perspective, what does that mean? Does he want me back? Does he not? Is he unsure?

[Anonymous]

At some point you have to stop and ask yourself what you’re fighting for. Is it the fact that it’s been 12 years? Or that you live together? Is it the hopes you have for the future, or anything redeeming that he’s doing now to give you some real hope? Because to me, it looks like you’re fighting for that relationship all by yourself. He’s already broken up with you 3 times, and is totally fine keeping you on standby with his indecisiveness.


Men who love you, and I mean really love you, would never put you through such things. They wouldn’t see you crying for them, hurting, trying to better yourself for the relationship and still not know if you’re worth it. I feel like your dignity and sense of self has become lost in this relationship, and maybe it’s time for you to get back in touch with the woman you were before him. You don’t need to give him a 4th opportunity to break your heart, do it first and don’t regret it. I think that time has finally come.

[Asker]

I've been fighting for it because I love him. I've been in love with him for 12 years. But I guess I have hopes that if things worked out we could be better then we were before. He's stated he noticed I've been way more positive, way less anxious and haven't talked down on myself. But as far as him doing things. I don't know. He brought me home a book without me having to ask for it just because he knew I wanted it.
I don't even remember who I was before him.

[Opinion Owner]

Sometimes you have to love yourself more than you love that man, so that you can act in your best interest. It cannot be just you fighting for the relationship on your own, and you can’t love him into changing. can't love him into wanting to try harder either, these are things he has to want to do, and has shown you time and time again that at the end of the day he doesn’t. If he did, it would be done. Maybe this can be resolved with some real time apart from one another. Give him an opportunity to miss you or see what life is like without you there. But something has got to give because you don’t deserve to live like that.

[Asker]

I don't really know what he's been working on. He had sent me a text the after he broke up with me saying he made a mistake. But doesn't know how to fix it. He's been hanging out with his one guy friend a lot. It's what caused all this to begin with. I told hold brother/our roomate that I felt he needed to learn to prioritize relationships with people and my I phone but dialed him and he heard me say it. But I was upset and angry that I felt I was third wheeling my own relationship. Since then his friend has been over a few times but we have had a lot of evenings just us. Some are good and some are not. We laugh and talk and get along and other nights he wants me to be quiet and not bother him because he has no social battery left or something.

[Opinion Owner]

Can you say you’re truly happy, all things considered? I don’t mean loving him or wanting the relationship to work, I mean truly happy and fulfilled in that relationship. If the answer is yes then you have nothing to worry about but patience. But if it’s a no, then ask yourself if how you’re feeling right now is worth another 12 years that you’ll never get back. I personally think you should leave him rather than give him a fourth opportunity to leave you, but ultimately it’s your choice.

[Asker]

I was happy with him. I haven't been happy this last month or so. I try to be patient but I'm not. I struggle with patience. And I guess if he does see something with us moving forward I wish he'd tell me. Of he doesn't want to be bugged then tell me that too.

[PeachyPie93]

It feels like he is unsure.
I think he does love you but he wants you to be different, which usually isn't a good thing. I think if you really want to keep trying, don't push things too much since that will push him away. But really think about that he is telling you to change for him, is he doing anything to change for you? If not, is he really the one you are meant to be with?

[Asker]

He's been working on himself. I just don't know what he's been working on. Asking me to be more positive doesn't seem like a huge ask, but I also want him to give me some sort of response. I've tried not to bug him but it's hard not to want to know.

[Iron_Man]

You’re still living in the same house and he’s out dating other people

[Asker]

He's not dating anyone else as far as I know. He's home every night and when he says he will be.

[Iron_Man]

Good

[Iron_Man]

12 years is a very long time you might as well fix it and get married

[Asker]

12 years is a long time. I've been trying to fix it. He doesn't want to get married, which is fine, I don't care really, but I do hope we can get back together. I just don't understand why he won't answer the question about if we will.

[Iron_Man]

I think you can’t get back together just be patient you already live together you probably sleep in the same bed in the same room

[Asker]

I'm sleeping in the living room on the couch. He's sleeping in the bed.

[Iron_Man]

Oh ok i’m sure you’ll get back together

[Asker]

I hope so.

[Iron_Man]

Yes you will

[provokeesmokee]

"He broke up with me for the third time".

You mean you didn't learn after the first two times?

Christ, stop saying yes.

[Nikki1989]

If you have to ask, there is a good chance it is never going to happen.

[laly520]

they r playing

[Asker]

Like just keeping me around just in case?

[KrakenAttackin]

This sounds like torture for both of you.