My boyfriend thinks I don't love him enough because I don't mind him being shirtless on a beach?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend told me that he's going to the Maldives with his parents. I congratulated him and he said that he'll finally be able to feel comfortable shirtless (he worked incredibly hard to lose weight and gain muscles). He then asked me if I mind him being shirtless, I said no. He then asked me why, and I said that it'd be stupid of me to tell him to not be shirtless on a beach. He then said that still, I'd be shirtless in front of girls. Do u really not mind it? I said that it doesn't make sense at all, he's going there with his parents and that I trust him (we've been together 3 years after all). He then said that I don't love him enough to be possessive about him, and that I'm "not the girl he fell in love with anymore". I really don't know what to do Or say at this point. Is it really my fault that I told him to enjoy himself and that I'm not stopping him from being shirtless on a literal beach?

[Oliverlogan263]

Hey mama, I wouldn't worry too much about it. Your boyfriend is overreacting.

Just because you're not being possessive or controlling doesn't mean you don't love him. Trust is so important in a relationship. You said you trust him, and that's what really matters.

Wanting to be shirtless on the beach is totally normal! As long as he's not flirting with other girls or doing anything sketchy, then what's the big deal? You're right - it's a beach, not a nightclub.

Seems like your boyfriend might be feeling a little insecure about himself. Reassure him you think he's awesome and find him attractive. But don't let him make you feel bad just because you're not trying to control what he wears. That's not cool.

If he stays hung up on this, maybe he has some stuff to work through. But I'm sure once he chills out he'll see he's overreacting. Just keep acting normal - you're totally fine, dude! Don't let him manipulate you into thinking you're in the wrong.

[_Maya_]

This is one of the craziest things that I have heard. I am going to take a stab at it and think there are some underlying issues. You mention that he worked so hard to lose weight and put on muscle. Maybe he actually takes you not being mad as a sign that he didn't do enough to look good. It is kinda of a psychological mechanism that caused it. That is a pure guess because nothing else makes any sort of sense. The fact you won't be mad or jealous means you are secure in your relationship. The whole you aren't the girl I fell in love with is a bit dramatic and definitely extreme all over this. What is really strange is that it is normal for guys to be shirtless at the beach. I bet 99% are when they are there.

[Asker]

No, telling him that he didn't look good wasn't my intention in the slightest. After 3 years of dating, I trust him and there's absolutely nothing wrong with being shirtless on the beach.

[_Maya_]

I didn't say it was your intention. I think it was inadvertent and really his own doing in his head to take you being okay with girls seeing him shirtless as he was not "sexy" or whatever... meaning he didn't work hard enough to improve his physique if that makes sense.

[Asker]

That could be... But I have a strong feeling he won't let me wear a bikini on a beach either lol

[_Maya_]

Oh boy. So now this is making more sense. I bet you that he wouldn't and therefore is justifying his own behavior by saying it should have been your stance too (him being shirtless).

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

He’s too used to toxic women to understand what it means to be in a healthy relationship. He’ll probably call you the one that got away in a couple years lmao

[jahaims]

He is stupid