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Matched with this guy who only messages me late in the day around 10pm and it’s only an exchange of 3-4 messages each time. He does ask me 1-2 questions and uses lol to indicate he enjoys the conversation but I feel this isn’t doing anything for getting to know each other. Today is 3rd day. What should I do if he repeats the same tonight?
18 d
How to deal with once-a-day messages on dating app?
Anonymous
(30-35) 
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
2Opinion
Girl, I feel ya on that frustrating situation! Here's what I would do:
When/if he hits you up tonight with the typical 3-4 message routine, respond but keep it brief. Like "hey" with no question back.
See if that nudges him into either upping his game or leaving you alone lol.
If he doesn't take the hint, I'd lay it out for him - "look, you're cute but these late night minimal exchanges aren't going anywhere. If you wanna actually get to know me, you've gotta put in some real effort!"
And to emphasize, I'd probably unmatch after sending that. You want a guy who's enthusiastic about talking to you on your timeline, not just his lazy late night routine.
Get yourself out there chatting with other matches too in the meantime. No need wasting your prime social hours on lame late night dude. You deserve better!
Don't be afraid to speak up for what you need sis. You'll weed out the wronguns that way. Fingers crossed the right one comes along soon!
Thank you! This is great advise. He didn’t message last night so I’m not going to reach out to him unless he replies. If he does and still stays at minimal contact then I’ll let him know surely as you suggested. Let’s see what happens
Also, thank you for your wishes! I really hope the right one comes soon
I just saw on his bumble profile that he has snoozed it. And I’m seeing a banner on his profile that says “He is prioritizing himself”. May be he is having some personal issues and decided to stay away from bumble for now.
Should I leave a “take care” message?
And yesterday I had noticed that he had set travel mode in bumble and he was in a nearby city. It seems that he may be had some urgency and he went there to attend it and today he feels he needs to be off bumble for a while.
Hmm, good catch noticing those changes to his profile. Definitely sounds like the dude might be dealing with some personal stuff if he snoozed his account and set that message about prioritizing himself.
In that case, I think leaving a simple "take care" message could be a nice gesture. Nothing too long, just something like "Hey, hope everything's okay. Take care of yourself." Shows you noticed the changes and wish him well without coming on too strong.
Guys don't always like to show vulnerability, so keeps it light. And who knows, maybe he'll appreciate the thoughtfulness if/when he's back to dating again.
I probably wouldn't expect a reply right away since he removed himself from the app. But offering a few kind words can't hurt. And then I'd just leave the ball in his court, you know? If he feels like catching up down the road, cool. If not, no big loss for you either.
Either way, try not to read too much into it for now. Just focus on yourself and meeting new people too! Wishing you all the best going forward :)
Thank you for your advise! My best wishes to you too!
I hope I can meet someone organically and face to face because this dating app thing is hard :)
For real girl, online dating can be so hit or miss! It's definitely not easy trying to gauge connections and commitment levels just from brief apps exchanges.
I feel you on hoping to meet someone organically through real life interactions instead. There's nothing like a good old fashioned meet cute where you can actually see their vibe in person from the get go. So much harder to get the icks about someone when you're laughing together over coffee, ya know?
Fingers crossed the right guy crosses your path serendipitously sooner than later! In the meantime, don't forget to live your best life and put yourself out there. Join a class, volunteer, attend social meetups - you never know where Cupid may strike.
And who knows, maybe this last dude will sort his stuff out and hit you up again down the line. But for now you're right to keep it pushin girl! Positive energy and new experiences are the name of the game. You got this sis, the universe has your back ✨
Thank you so much for sending those positive vibes my way! Means a lot! And I’ll be sure to follow every word of your advise! I send good wishes your way :)
Thanks sis, I really appreciate the good vibes! And I'm glad you found my advice helpful - I hope it all works out with meeting someone special. Don't give up hope, I'm sure there's a great guy out there who's gonna be super into you too. Just do your thing, stay positive and have fun hanging with your friends too. That's really what high school is all about. Wishing you all the best, feel free to hit me up any time if you ever need another pickup chat! Cya around :)
1. Does he work late into the evening, that he is working all day and occupied at a busy job? (Like construction, security, something he NEEDS and is REQUIRED to be active for?) Maybe 10pm is when he can unwind from the day, and have that freedom to talk with you.
2. Does he have kids? Is he taking care of anyone? (Parent, grandparent, children) that occupies a good portion of his day?
3. You can always ask him why. Inquire why he is so adamant to chat with you / or maybe it's just preference of his, and he prefers to speak during the evening hours.
4. Ultimately, if this is bothering you now - maybe the guy has limited amt of time to give to social media? Or using dating apps? Maybe he has a busy life? Maybe he is dealing with something difficult or having a tough time prioritizing chatting. Could be many reasons!
If this is NOT working for YOU - inform him that. It's a dating app for a reason, to find someone you're looking for who matches your energy, time, who ticks those boxes! If THIS guy isn't giving you that, let him know and move forward.
I would give him opportunity and ask him about it, don't just ghost him.
Hey! I don’t know any of that unfortunately. I haven’t asked him yet because I didn’t want to seem desperate or demanding. If he does the same today then I agree with your advise not to ghost him and rather ask. But I don’t know how? :(
Can you please suggest me the most polite way to ask him the reason for his very minimal interaction?
Ok, no prob! Try to give him opportunity to let him share a bit more about himself, and his life so you can hopefully understand better what is going on and the reason for these late night chats!
I'd ask nicely, like
"Hey, I noticed you like to chat with me around 10pm most days. I clear my schedule for you ;) Do you work late? You're turning me into a night owl haha :)
Keep it light, simple, ask the question in a "fun" way without being overly judgmental or disrespectful. Hopefully he will give you some answers!!
Omg, You’re awesome! Thanks so much. You suggested me really nice and lighthearted way to ask him. I’ll surely use that and of course I’ll wait for him to tell me about his life and things in general.
Online dating is so hard and I never realized my lack of handling such situations until now. I really appreciate all your suggestions!
No worries! Good luck lovely :) Hopefully this can help him be more open with you and it's also YOU showing interest - he will recognize that aspect too, it's a good thing!!
You’re too kind! thank you :) I hope so too 🤞
He didn’t reply last night and today, I just saw on his bumble profile that he has snoozed it. And I’m seeing a banner on his profile that says “He is prioritizing himself”. May be he is having some personal issues and decided to stay away from bumble for now.
Should I leave him a “take care” message?
And yesterday I had noticed that he had set travel mode in bumble and he was in a nearby city. It seems that he may be had some urgency and he went there to attend it and today he feels he needs to be off bumble for a while.
Im sorry :( No, I wouldn't even bother. If he consciously chooses to ignore you and ignore the messages, then it's on HIM. Don't waste anymore time on this guy.
Honestly, its up to you and what you prefer to do, given the Bumble update - "prioritizing himself" meaning = months? Years? Focusing only on himself right now? If he is still on the Bumble app, that translates to being open for casual dating / hookups, but nothing progressive relationship wise.
Do YOU want a relationship? If that is what you are seeking, move forward and forget this guy.
Find someone else to chat with who is more willing and shows you, with his actions** that responding to you becomes a PRIORITY.
Dont wait around for anyone to provide you a response. Going forward if you give opportunity to reply and they CHOOSE not to, dont spend anymore time trying!
You’re right. I’ll just leave things as they are with this guy and invest my time and energy where it’s appreciated. Thank you! Your advise means a lot
That's enough. More than enough. Couples dating used to go days without contact. Maybe a nightly phone call.
That’s really good to know! I think these online dating apps have greatly ruined how dating should actually be. I’m glad to hear your opinion and it’s made me patient of course. Thank you!
The third day? Stop texting and arrange a meeting. Texting before meeting is a waste of time.
There was just 5 minutes of texting on first two days. I would need more than that to know basic things about him. He didn’t message last night so I’m just going to leave it at that unless he replies.
I just saw on his bumble profile that he has snoozed it. And I’m seeing a banner on his profile that says “He is prioritizing himself”. May be he is having some personal issues and decided to stay away from bumble for now.
Should I leave a “take care” message?
And yesterday I had noticed that he had set travel mode in bumble and he was in a nearby city. It seems that he may be had some urgency and he went there to attend it and today he feels he needs to be off bumble for a while.
That's why you go meet him for coffee or whatever, nothing that requires more than a 15-minute commitment.
Thanks! I’ll keep it in mind for when I’m talking to another guy on the dating app who shows interest. This guy seems to be taking a break from the app and I’m not waiting for him.