Girls, Can you pick up on if a guy doesn’t have good social skills?

[Anonymous]

Cause I suck at casual conversations or small talk it always ends awkwardly

[jennifer_bloom]

Building social skills, involves positive meditation priming, privately releasing negative emotional tension, scoping and contextualizing negative voices or the possibility of rejection, and having a focus and purpose to guide your exploration and study so that you have ideas to facilitate a conversation. The other thing is, it's okay to be bad at making conversation if you show genuine concern and respect for the things other people talk about. Because there are a lot of people that prefer being listened to to listening to others, and most quiet people are very good listeners, some might just not have the information that demonstrating you listen and care maximizes the connection you have for that person.

[Changiis07]

Yes we can pick up on it, but also just like anything else we learn in life we learn to socialize more and get out there more. Just gotta practice it until you get confident

[liel443]

Our brain is hardwired to do just that.

[Asker]

What do you mean

[liel443]

We are attracted to men with high social skills, because this is a very important trait for a human's survival and reproduction, so it's evolutionarily very desirable, and in addition it's a very good trait for a father to have.

[Asker]

How is it important to survival and reproduction

[liel443]

imagine 4 men, 40,000 years ago, all are average at everything except one trait, in which they are very bad it:
A has very bad social skills
B is very bad at math
C is very bad at singing
D is very bad hunting.

Which one is most likely to get ousted from his group (practically a death sentence for an early human)? which is more likely to end his life childless?

[Asker]

But we are strong in other ways like intelligence for example sure our social skills might not be the best but other attributes offset this

[liel443]

Why did we develop this big brain? We developed it for social skills.

[mandyfire98]

Absolutely

[Asker]

How so

[mandyfire98]

Usually if they're standoffish, not being social with anyone else. Or if when they do talk they're awkward at socializing

[Asker]

Is there any hope for someone like this cause I have this, I’m on the spectrum and this is how I have been for years

[mandyfire98]

I mean if you're on the spectrum everything is going to be twice as hard socially for you. But it doesn't mean that it's impossible

[Asker]

Yeah I just don’t understand it most people can carry on conversations with easily and I simply don’t understand what to ask when to ask I really don’t understand it. I think sometimes it comes off as rude to people but I just don’t understand

[mandyfire98]

I mean that's unfortunately part of being on the spectrum. Not Understanding social cues.

[Asker]

So in terms of relationships does it mean it’s not likely

[mandyfire98]

It's definitely not gonna be as easy but like I said it's not impossible

[Asker]

Would most women not be accepting because of this

[mandyfire98]

Probably a good amount might not understand or take to someone who has poor social skills. Just because society is about being social.

[Asker]

It’s sad because I feel I have a lot to offer in a relationship I’m really intelligent, I’m loyal hard working

[mandyfire98]

You probably have a lot to offer. And you'll definitely find someone who understands you for sure

[Asker]

Honestly that’s what bugs me the most sometimes about being autistic is some family members go your really skilled in this area or your intelligent an can pick up on anything and I think that it doesn’t mean anything if your not accepted and invisible to people. Honestly it’s all I have wanted basically since childhood is to be accepted and not be made fun of

[mandyfire98]

I'm so sorry you've been made fun of. People can be cruel

[Asker]

My ex girlfriend towards the end of our relationship was like why try to understand you when I can find someone normal

[mandyfire98]

That's awful

[Asker]

Yeah that’s been the norm in how I have been treated

[mandyfire98]

I'm sorry you had to go through that.

[Asker]

Yeah I guess I’m trying to figure out the best normal path I don’t have any friends either. Because us as humans are wired for connection