Hey there, gentlemen! Happy February!
So... there's this adorably chubby, slightly nerdy-looking man that we just started working with who many of my coworkers suspect is awkward, shy, and severely lacking in social skills. From what I have seen, he is great with our clients and seems very sweet and genuine with them, however, I sometimes worry that my attempts at flirting are wasted because he doesn't find me attractive whatsoever whereas my coworkers think he is so shy and awkward that he doesn't even know I'm flirting with him. A few of my coworkers also think he may be on the Autism Spectrum because he is super intelligent and not a great communicator.
But, after speaking to a male coworker today, he said you may have to spell it out for him with a sign and a sledgehammer because some men don't get subtle cues so well as touching their shoulder and being overly kind to them.
It seems like I've done everything from complimenting him to touching his arm kindly to acting nervous around him. Other than telling him I want to buy him a coffee and sit on his lap, I don't know what else to do. So... what do you guys think? Is he shy or oblivious or not interested? And, if he just doesn't get it, HOW ELSE DO I TELL HIM?
So... there's this adorably chubby, slightly nerdy-looking man that we just started working with who many of my coworkers suspect is awkward, shy, and severely lacking in social skills. From what I have seen, he is great with our clients and seems very sweet and genuine with them, however, I sometimes worry that my attempts at flirting are wasted because he doesn't find me attractive whatsoever whereas my coworkers think he is so shy and awkward that he doesn't even know I'm flirting with him. A few of my coworkers also think he may be on the Autism Spectrum because he is super intelligent and not a great communicator.
But, after speaking to a male coworker today, he said you may have to spell it out for him with a sign and a sledgehammer because some men don't get subtle cues so well as touching their shoulder and being overly kind to them.
It seems like I've done everything from complimenting him to touching his arm kindly to acting nervous around him. Other than telling him I want to buy him a coffee and sit on his lap, I don't know what else to do. So... what do you guys think? Is he shy or oblivious or not interested? And, if he just doesn't get it, HOW ELSE DO I TELL HIM?
What Guys Said
Starting by showing a genuine interest in the other person's passions can be a good starting point. Those who are considered "nerdy" may not be aware of affection from others due to their perception of their social standing. If necessary, being straightforward and direct in your approach may be the most effective way.
So... just coming out and saying to him, Would you be okay with it if I wanted to get to know you better and buy you a coffee sometime? Would that be too forward and a little weird?
You could be correct. Consider trying to establish a comfortable level of conversation with him. This can make it feel more natural if you decide to be more direct in your approach later on.
Ah the doctor guy, I still think the key is through his passions, girls rarely ask guys about geeky stuff they love.
I've learned about some of it and they're things I absolutely love myself as well. His nerdy things make me like him more.
If you can get talking to him, let the conversation move towards his passions and see how it flows.
Anytime a girl started talking to me about things I'm passionate about, I afterwards usually look forward to seeing her again and it enhances her appeal.
How do I talk to him about this at work? Or just let him know that my subtle touching his shoulder and saying his pink shirt looks nice is not being polite as much as it is flirting with him?
Touching his shoulder is clearly a sign of flirting, although many guys can miss this sometimes.
Try to talk to him regularly, if you say hi to him a lot, he will notice. Then at some point you'll get into a brief conversation and you move the conversation to that topic then.
Why would you want to?
That's a dumpster fire
Why do you say that?