Should I reconsider dating my boyfriend?

[Anonymous]

I have been dating my boyfriend for 4 months now, and we have had 4 big arguments that almost caused us to break up, and almost every week there is a small fight. I have endured it for a while but I am really starting to reconsider if this relationship is worth it, I am starting to see more negatives than positives.

My major concerns have been around his attitude about us. In our fights he usually states "I will get back to you in a few days, that is if I still remember" or things like "I have other options as well but I still choose you" and "If no one else can love you, who will". A lot of nasty things he has said that have given me red flags, but I have chosen to ignore it because he does say things in the heat of the moment. He also finds things hard to word. Other things not directed at me, he gets angry over small things like rain. He complains a lot, he does become very childish when it is not warranted.

Recently (today) he complained that I am giving excuses for not wanting to have phone sex with him (sexting on phone) because I have an ulcer in my mouth and has been very irritated for a couple of days, my chemist told me to not talk a lot and let it heal. I have also not been feeling well. I thought he would be caring and tell me to go lie in bed and we can stream a movie instead but he got mad. I had exams for 2 days and he cannot live without phone sex for two days?

I am tired of his behaviour, and I am not even sure if his behaviour is justifiable anymore. I feel like he keeps me around for company and phone sex, like to teach him about sex (he is inexperienced) and how relationships work. He even offers to play certain games with me that I know he won't like, but then complains saying why am I playing this game, after he told me he would play it for me.

I don't know anymore!

[RingOfFire]

It doesn't sound promising. You are young and it sounds like he is too so this definitely smacks of immaturity maybe on both sides.

It doesn't sound like this much hope for the relationship, but only you can make that decision as to whether or not it's worth the investment.

One thing I wished I had when I was your age was advice from someone older who had had relationships in the past and can put them in context.

I can tell you from experience that this doesn't sound like a good relationship. In a good relationship you can have fights but it never crosses a certain line and the other person always understands that when push comes to shove they care about you and will be there for you when you need them. This doesn't have that feeling to me. I'm not sure whether immaturity is the main factor or whether it's just an insurmountable incompatibility.

In the end only you can decide but try to see what your life would feel like with someone who expressed more caring and concern for your situation and your needs.

And remember that time goes by very quickly and later in life one of the biggest regrets you might have is wasting so much time with someone who isn't making you happy.

[Asker]

Thank you! He is 25 and I feel like I have been the more mature and reasonable one. He blames me a lot of the time for when we argue he cannot sleep - it is my fault! He says he respects me but his overall attitude says otherwise. We are compatiable except sexual because he wants more, I want less. Which is where most of these arguments come from. He also tends to monopolise a fight by asking for more when he feels he made me upset. His actions always come with requests, conditional love..

[RingOfFire]

You deserve better. You deserve a more mature love that makes you feel good instead of confused.

[Finchie40]

Yes, you are dating a narcissist , kick him tot he curb , do not fall for his nonsense , he just likes the convenience of you but he truly doesn’t value you , You are wasting your time being with someone like that. There is way better out there, trust me

[sheikalana]

4 months together and already arguing as if you've been together for years? This is not a good sign at all. The first year of your relationship should feel like heaven and a safe place. You should reconsider your relationship and evaluate if you guys share similar values and plans for the future. If you don't have that much in common cut him off completely. Don't waste your time.

[Asker]

We both have the same goals and values for life which is what got us together, well, cemented our relationship. Im finding his childish outbursts very hard to handle now. I dont even feel safe being emotional with him

[sheikalana]

Sorry for being so blunt but I don't see a future in your relationship. You're so young I don't understand why so many young girls tolerate this type of behavior instead of moving on. Don't settle for less than what you deserve.

[bobalife]

I stopped reading half way knowing the signs it is time to walk away… I’m so sorry, it sounds like he’s emotionally abusing you in manipulative and neglectful ways 😟 I think when we question it early on by the repeated patterns means most times we aren’t in the right relationship.

[daemonBot]

Anyone who is pushy about sex is a bad partner. He sounds like an asshole, and the only positive things about your dating him is that he has a bit less time to bother other girls.

[Asker]

Yeah he literally said I like you when you are clingy because I have no time for other girls lol

[PreferNot2Say]

What were the four huge fights about? Be honest with your answer or you'll never get the answer you are looking for.

[Asker]

My boundaries, my birthday present and twice phone sex, related to the amount of times per week. He got upset at me for setting some boundaries and he made a huge deal about it...

[TommyMountainFigure]

I looked at it this way before I met my wife (who I am besotted with)

Dating is the process of choosing the right person to eventually spend your life with. If you've chosen the wrong person at this process? End it and move on. People get far too hung up on 'it should be forever' It shouldn't unless you KNOW it is right.. Sadly here, you clearly do not!

[Imsmurter1]

He sounds unintelligent and immature. But to justify a break up I'd issue some kind of ultimatum first so that you don't have any lingering thoughts about the issue. Maybe talk with him about it first and see if he's willing to change a little or if not then that's the end of the story.

[CrabCakes11]

Your boyfriend is an immature little boy. Funny entertain his childish behavior, you deserve better

[XHopelessRomanticX]

Relationships are easy, when they’re with the right person. He’s not the right one for you.

[osmanthus]

He could just call a phone sex hotline. Could also ask around about an older and more experienced woman to teach him stuff. Some communities may have sex education classes for him to attend.

[molonski2]

Sorry , this guy is beyond a Moron , get rid of him , what an absolute tool , selfish also , and a nut case ( angry at rain ) .. piss him off , cut clean the dead wood.

[bobby_bush_eater]

It seems like you do know...

This relationship sounds awful, it definitely seems like it'd make sense to end it

[meepmeeperton]

It’s not good to talk about having other options when dating someone. I would never do that to my girlfriend no matter how mad I got.

[Makeushiver]

Needs more details. Subject of fight, reason for it. Is it a repeat over same issues or new? Was he respectful despite the disagreement. etc.

[HaleyWalker]

I like to know both sides of the story when it comes to this much detail so I don't know

[DishLady]

If you feel this way then why are you still with him?

[Billlewis]

Yes, ma'am, I'd move on if I were in your position.

[Dongie]

He sounds all me, me, me.
Immature as well. I'd drop him like a bad habit. If you find he is maturing then hit it again. Or find you the right kind of man that is the master of his domain.

[JacobJordan]

That isn't red flags dear. That is abuse. Emotional/verbal abuse.

[JacobJordan]

In addition if you have to ask the answer is almost always a yes. In this instance yes you absolutely should reconsider

[DrPepper12]

I'm not reading further. If you have to ask, you know the answer

[soe11]

• My honest opinion is should stop dating with him.

[ananias55]

Drop him. That guy screams narcissists.

[Angie03]

Sounds like not gonna last end it before it gets physical. It’s not gonna work.

[Anonymous]

You're already arguing 4 times after just 4 months? Yes. Consider.

[ProbablyClueless]

Yeah, it sounds like you two aren't a good match.

[Asker]

Is his behaviour normal for someone who hasn't had intimacy for 2 days?

[ProbablyClueless]

No, that's not normal.

[TallAnon]

If you gotta ask, the answer is yes

[noohair]

People tell the truth in the heat of the moment.

[Loner111]

Depends on what he did

[ninaneedshelp]

That's toxic sis!

[Asker]

I am realising it now!

[In_Trance]

yeah

[whistlingwh0res]

He is a dog