How can I avoid feeling bad about a guy preferring a woman with a high-end job?

[Anonymous]

I’m an educator (first year) I had a tough year…

It seems like he wants a higher woman and a smarter one. His brother is married to a doctor so maybe he wants that too. His parents are well established and he’s from a different country.

He follows a whole lot of doctors and nurses who doesn’t really follow him back but ig he rejected me because he felt he could do a lot better.

[Minky17]

Most men love teachers. I'm a teacher's aid/substitute teacher too. They find us to be ultra nurturing and dependable.

But there are teacher jobs that you can do in hospitals or on federal bases. You can tell him you have a teaching job in pediatrics - just get the same license to teach training but through med board.

[Minky17]

You can do behavioral health - pediatrics to teach children or teach in-house patients that are children. They have child care positions and teaching positions for chronically ill children.

[Asker]

O wow, thanks so much for the options! I just don’t think teaching as a whole is for me. I’m just the basic art teacher

[Minky17]

As long as you have 12 months in - you can use your credentials. I'm just telling you to get your foot in the door at the hospital if you want a higher job. You'll gain seniority for jobs even working as a teacher at the hospital or on base.

[DishLady]

If you really feel that, then why are you with him? Do you think he’s just hiding his time with you? What would his possible motive be?

[Asker]

Well we talked and went on a date…. He never said that to me directly but he follows a lot of female MD’s and I feel that his motive with me was just sex until he finds what he really wants.

[DishLady]

What YOU feel and what he SAYS don’t seem to line up.

ONE date doesn’t make your connection significant enough for all this fuss.

[Asker]

Ik it’s hard to explain why.

[spartan55]

You really have no idea of that's what he prefers or not. You didn't mention him directly saying that to you. Your evidence includes who he follows on social media and his sister in laws occupation? Come on really? This is all about your insecurity. Very few guys care about what you do for work.

[Asker]

That’s definitely who he wants… he follows quite a few. He doesn’t think I’m good enough. I’m not great with conversations

[spartan55]

Who he follows? Lol... whatever. You are choosing this to be the reason, but you don't know. How do you know he thinks you aren't good enough? Did he tell you that? Insecurity.

[Asker]

Because of how he treated me. He discarded me and ghosted me instead of telling me he’s not interested

He said I misunderstand everything he says and he said “you think differently “

[spartan55]

Great

[spartan55]

You're getting better at hiding... you had me for a minute.

[Asker]

🥺 I’m sorry I just hate myself

[spartan55]

You shouldn't

[Asker]

You’re not hearing me

You don’t understand why I feel this way

[spartan55]

You're right I don't.

[OfMiceandMen]

I wouldn't bother with him, some families think the men need to find trophy wives, but usually those wives end up screwing around on them and taking off with other doctors that have the same lifestyle.

[Asker]

He has a good job too. Not sure about lifestyle but his degree can still get him places.

[OfMiceandMen]

That being said, teachers do pretty well depending on where you live. I know teachers/educators do well here in Ontario and regardless of pay, they are typically a bright bunch.

[Asker]

I make 62k…. So ig I don’t compare to the doctor lol o well

[OfMiceandMen]

That's better than most.

[MrOracle]

Certain cultures are literally obsessed with their children and whoever their children marrying being in an "upper-class profession" - doctor, lawyer, corporate C-suite, etc. Not sure there's much you can do about that other than avoid dating men from those cultures.

Most American men, for example, will have no such requirements, and would likely strongly prefer a teacher or even a stay-at-home-wife/mother if planning to have children.

[KrakenAttackin]

@MrOracle. Yeah, but she would never accept a regular guy.

[Asker]

That’s not true.. as long as he’s a good provider and hard working.

[TommyMountainFigure]

You can try by accepting everyone in life is free to make their own choices, despite their logic or lack of in his case!

[Asker]

I hope he finds what he wants 🤷‍♀️

[TommyMountainFigure]

No ya don't :P I can almost feel your teeth gnashing together as you typed that

[Asker]

Yeah but there’s nothing I can do if he doesn’t think I’m good enough.

[TommyMountainFigure]

Well yes there is.. you can drag yourself up from how you're feeling by doing whatever is necessary, and then look for someone better. It shouldn't be difficult, because if you take away his money? He sounds like an insignificant nobody!

[Finchie40]

He did you a favor , why would you even want to be with a guy that is only out for money? I feel bad for any girl that falls for him to be honest

[scooogy]

My first guess with this is always that they don't have a valuable job themselves.

[Asker]

He’s a software engineer… he would have to have a decent job though to get a doctor but being a good man with good character surpasses all.

[Plugs]

lol 😂 he’s just a engineer and he wants a doctor?

[Plugs]

I hope he’s graduated from a Harvard or IIT or IIM

[Asker]

I mean he’s well educated… engineering isn’t easy. Ik I couldn’t …. I suck at math

[scooogy]

I'm a software engineer myself, and yes, I reacted just like @Plugs

[Anonymous]

If his parents are high profile , I think he’s under a pressure to hold up the family status

[Asker]

Well I’m not going to say high profile but I would say that his parents are educated

[Opinion Owner]

Definitely most probably High profile , u sound jealous. Maybe one of the reasons they don’t want u. There’s a lot of pressure In high society to Marry within it. Can’t blame him.

[Opinion Owner]

If he wants a women of his own education level it makes sense , if he as a engineer wants a doctor , he would extremely suspicious. But if he’s a top engineer from an Ivy League equivalent college it’s normal for him to want a doctor or equivalent excellence as himself

[Asker]

Umm, I’m not jealous. Yes it does suck and I hope he finds his doctor or nurse. I think being a good man with good qualities and intentions will land him a high value woman.

I think I used the wrong terminology and was just trying to change it. High profile means celebrity etc.. and I didn’t feel like that describes them.

[Opinion Owner]

High profile means wealth not celebrity

[Opinion Owner]

Is he an Ivy League graduate? Because engineering isn’t the most bright course. Most doctor girls marry doctors or engineers from top colleges

[Asker]

I totally agree.. I believe he’s well educated. He has a mechanical engineering degree and a masters in oil and gas engineering from a good school in the UK… I don’t know if he finished but he’s still deserving of the woman he wants.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with being a teacher. My uncle is a lawyer and he married my aunt who is a teacher..

But you’re right. I suck and I’m not that smart. He can do sooooooooooooo much better. The only thing I’m good at is oil painting.

A painter vs a doctor… yeah most will go with a doctor

[Asker]

I don’t think it’s an Ivy League but the acceptance rate is like 22%

[Opinion Owner]

I feel sorry. He’s failed as a man. A man looking for a women who’s financially well of shows he’s a loser. A women looking for a financial well of guy makes sense because a man who is a loser can’t provide for a family. It’s your gain tbh. A man is supposed to love a women for her intrinsic qualities. A women is supposed to love a man for what he protects and provides. He is a loser

[Asker]

I just don’t think he knows what he wants… I had feelings for him but I think there’s things he needs to work on and figure out…. He’s 37… maybe deep down he doesn’t want women I don't know

[Opinion Owner]

He doesn’t wanna be a man. He thinks like a women

[Asker]

But I think he makes decent money… he’s the senior tech

My school uses the tech company he works for

[Opinion Owner]

He’s failed. He sounds useless

[Asker]

How lol? He’s a jerk yes but I don’t think he’s useless.

Again I hope he finds what he’s looking for

[Opinion Owner]

Lol he sounds like a women. Women have a pressure to marry a guy equally or more successful. Men have pressure to provide for their family and not be dependent on his wife

[Asker]

I don’t think he’s doing it for the money. I think it’s about the status. I think he cares a lot about his image

[Opinion Owner]

The same applies to status. A women will lose her status if she marries a low status guy so women families are against it. A guy never loses his status by marrying a upper status guy so it’s opportunistic of him to marry a well of women. It’s quite feminine and unmasculine.

[Asker]

Very true…. Very true. It’s weird because I fell for him because I felt like he was masculine and I felt like he was a good communicator…

But now that I understand the femme/masculine dynamic he definitely has femme traits…. He’s not fully ready to be a husband let alone have a Dr…

I feel like I liked him for who he is.. but if he doesn’t think I’m good enough then what’s the point

It’s lame.

[MacDaddyRico]

Leave him.