Did I overreact by snapping at my boyfriend for asking me to send photos to prove I'm not cheating?

[Anonymous]

I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years. He constantly suspects I'm cheating on him and asks for proof every time I'm out, even if I'm with my parents. I try to sympathize because he's had a shitty past relationship where his ex girlfriend cheated on him, but I've proved it for 3 years that I'll never cheat. He says that he asks me for proof because I'm beautiful and he cannot trust other guys, or that he believes I'm out of his league and the fact that his ex wasn't attractive but ended up cheating on him, so the chances of me cheating are much higher bcoz I'm attractive. I got pissed and snapped at him for not trusting me, and he accused me of brushing off his insecurities. I'm just tired of his constant interrogation every time I'm going out. He blames it on his PTSD and says that we'd be really happy without it, and if I reassure him he'll stop. Well I've done that a million times, but it's not enough for him. He even promised me he wouldn't interrogate me again, but he broke it and when I confronted him, he said that it "wasn't a definite promise". Did I overreact by snapping at him?

[Lliam]

You didn't overreact. And all of his poor me excuses are bullshit.

Oh, past girlfriend cheated on him? Boo hoo. Grow up.
Is that why he has PTSD?

You're out of his league? Oh, so he is self-loathing and expects you to feel sorry for him.

And how demeaning for him to think you "settled" for him and are using him as a place holder until you find someone better. Or thinking that you are a slut who will be seduced by any hot guy you meet. It's common for controlling guys to say "It's not that I don't trust you, I just don't trust other guys", which means the same thing if you think about it. It's insulting.

I suspect that he is immature and inexperienced and spends a lot of time on-line listening to misogynistic red-pillers explaining how women are all selfish, cheating sluts who can't be trusted.

Why is he incapable of discerning that you are a good woman?

He sounds like a pussy ass looser. Why are you with him? He won't change. Do you want to be with someone who is incapable of trust?

By the way, someone who is incapable of love is incapable of love.

[Asker]

Oh well, he does watch Andrew tate, and says he hates him, but omg I have a hard time believing that

[Lliam]

Thank you for the MHO. And best wishes to you. :-)

[Yannae]

If he keeps this up, his relationship is not going to last. I hope you show him these opinions. Yo man, if you're reading this... take it from a bro... I've seen this exact situation and the person who keeps having to prove that they didn't cheat will be pushed away BY your insecurities.
You're saying she's brushing off your insecurities. She's actually confronting them, right now. What she has been doing these past three years is FEEDING your insecurity, making you think that having your partner prove time and time again that she's innocent, is normal. Reality is that it's Not Normal and Unhealthy for the relationship. Her snapping at you is a wake up call to you to confront your insecurity, instead of letting it grow bigger, cause if you keep this up... you're going to lose her. Maybe not now, but eventually... it won't last if you can't trust your partner.

[HappyWoman34]

No. These are red flags for a controlling partner.

[Anonymous]

I would have put a stop to that one way or the other 2.99 years ago. It is beyond unreasonable to have to keep doing this. He'll expect it for the rest of his life. You have been far too patient to wait this long to snap at him. He needs a professional to help him get over this problem. There's nothing you can do but you either need to get rid of this guy or make it clear you're not letting this continue. This is not normal behavior. This is paranoia and you've done nothing to deserve the mistrust.

[TommyMountainFigure]

This is such a shame.. His insecurity is ruining both your lives, and what might otherwise be a very nice relationship, and no, you aren't overreacting, but if there was a way he could stop he would.
I do have a way of helping him if you are BOTH prepared to allow me the chance!

It involves you allowing him to see your question ans this answer, THEN for him to add me, and I will explain to him in dm how he can learn to cope with his insecurities!

It's up to the pair of you though, if you GENUINELY want to work through it.

[mattthefatbat]

I don't think you over reacted, but I understand your frustration for having to deal with a mind like his multiple times. For most people including me sometimes it can be really hard to actually believe anyone wouldn't want to cheat on someone without proof.. but that doesn't mean it's impossible to change the mind, my girlfriend has guy friends, and lives miles away because of our families and I used to feel the same way until I heard her say she wouldn't want anyone else and she never thinks of any other guys in that type of way and to top that off when we met eachother and she told me all of how she felt about me, and how she wanted a future with me in it, and it really made my negative thinking change a lot honestly. Im sure he knows how bad it affects the relationship and im sure he is only wanting to find a way to make himself not think like that tho

[IslaTheWitch]

ask him to go for therapy and tell him that until he finishes his therapy, the cheating topic does not exist, and you won't prove anything anymore.

in the future, do it on first try to force you to prove anything. It's the person with mental problems' responsibility to address them, not yours, to be controlled all the time...

[Anonymous]

let's get one thing straight

no one is entitled to trust. trust must be earned, it's not freely given and it needs to be proven time and time again. I don't care who it is, man, woman, child, family, friend, politician etc. trust must be earned.

trust is not a lifetime grant, only egotists and narcissists believe it is

to be honest, you're already breaking his trust by airing this dirty laundry out for the comment section to shit all over him

that being said, I get it. no one likes it when their character is put to the test but that's a part of life. this happens to everyone, you're not some special snowflake who's above this. if you don't want to have to deal with that, then don't deal it just like men don't need to tolerate disrespect from disrespectful women

[BetaBucks]

He should just move on he feels this way. No need to harass you constantly. Women cheat. A guy can't stop that if a woman wants to. Same with men. Either he isn't ready for a relationship or you're acting shady. Either way, this won't go away any time soon.

There's no way to say if you overreacted because we have no idea what you did when you snapped. You're right to be pissed though.

[HawkPerception]

While I do think that's it's over the top and insecure that he's asking you for proof like that, I also don't see it as a big deal to just send a photo to prove you are where you said you are.

The truth is that in this day and age, a lot people lie and are shady. And trust is built through actions. Show him that you're trustworthy and one day maybe he'll stop with his insecurities.

[naartjie]

If you REALLY aren’t cheating then yeah those assumptions he makes always comes from something eating away at him.
He’s either been cheated on before or he’s doing the cheating.
I’ve been the one who has never done a single thing to even make one assume I was cheating, because I wasn’t and was so in love with the guy I was with, his own cheating habits were eating away at him and he tried to project that on me

[AviatorTom]

No, you did not overreact. The problem you have is that he will always suspect you of cheating... there's nothing you can do to prevent that. Pictures won't do it.

If you can live with that, enjoy your relationship. If you can't , it might be time to consider moving on. Your choice, and not an easy one.

[Anonymous]

well you see he trusts you but he might just need that reasurance just send him a video or picture first and the relationship will be better. frankly I don't know why the picture or anything but if he loves you and you love him and you are not doing anything bad just give him that little reasurance. and make sure that you behavior is also positive in trust even little things can ruin trust in the long run and even if both parties think is nothing for him he might be loosing trust because of something small but that keeps happening. its something that you find annoying because you think its about trust. and he can't be like I just need that reasurance and that's all. be open with him he is you partner after all..

[JTinSC1981]

If he had some reason to think you were a cheater, his behavior would be understandable. But he has no reason to think that. Get away from this guy. This is the type of guy who ends up killing his wife or girlfriend. Trust me, I've seen it.

[Alex-Snow]

He sounds very insecure and has to realize that he is not your boss and you have no reason to constantly be assuring him you are not cheating. If he won't stop then I think you can do better and should move on. Are you sexually involved with him? Is he worried that you are not having enough sex?

[Anonymous]

He sounds insecure and has some baggage from the previous relationship that he needs to deal with on a personal level. When you get with someone, you get with their baggage too. We find more baggage the more we know them. You've known he's had issues, and you still stayed. No, you didn't overreact. Just ignore him and show him what he wants to know. If it's everyday, I might reconsider. I mean if he's not trying to help himself, why should I help him?

[Daniela1982]

You know it's time to throw away a broken record when it keeps skipping and playing the same line, over and over again.

[meepmeeperton]

Nah, it gets exhausting not being trusted even when you've proved yourself. The reality is people who want to cheat will find a way to do so and still make time to send pictures "proving" they aren't...

[wiltingrosepetal]

So you're telling me you've had a normal, healthy relationship for three years and he's still clinging to his past relationship? Wow 💀

[spartan55]

Man, fuck that guy. Get rid of his ass. Three years of that shit? Do you really think it's going to get better?

[HaleyWalker]

My personal opinion on what I would do is I would just end the relationship personally I don't put up that bullshit.

[avery58]

Do you really want to live like this forever. If he doesn't change then you should really reconsider the relationship.

[CrabCakes11]

Why would you date this man? He seems like a horrible boyfriend. He is toxic and controlling and his past issues are not your issues.

[JacobJordan]

He's a bitch. If he can't get over his past then he should stay single until he does. He doesn't have ptsd. He is little bitch syndrome.

[LazerBean]

No, you have way under reacted. The proper reaction would have been to dump him 2.5 years ago.

[Kiss_Me]

Find a new guy. His insecurities should not become your problem.

[DishLady]

This seems odd. I’d he’s still insecure after all this time… it’s time to move on.

[Twalli]

No. If he's not ready to trust you, he's not ready to be in a relationship with you. I trust my girlfriend 100%, and never assume that she is cheating.

[jahaims]

Don't be in a relationship with someone who doesn't trust you

[Anonymous]

no you didn't overreact. he's just an insecure loser

since he won't stop interrogating you, you should go ahead and cheat on him to teach him a lesson for not trusting you

[spartan55]

OP do not take this advice.

[Opinion Owner]

@spartan55 what's wrong with you? you and everyone else agrees he's an insecure loser

[spartan55]

@OpinionOwner
Because you are suggesting she retaliates through cheating. Not a smart move.

[Opinion Owner]

@spartan55 who cares what he thinks? he doesn't trust her anymore. she should milk him for what he has left until she finds another guy

[spartan55]

@OpinionOwner
Then how is she any better than him? It's not about what he thinks.

[Opinion Owner]

@spartan55 because she's not insecure and he's an insecure loser who needs therapy.

[spartan55]

You aren't getting it

[Opinion Owner]

@spartan55 I do get it. if she cheats, it's his fault for constantly interrogating her. he needs to learn to stop being so insecure and trust her.

[spartan55]

It's no one's fault but hers if she cheats.

[Opinion Owner]

@spartan55 how's it her fault? he's the one who shouldn't be interrogating her.

[spartan55]

Because you are responsible for your own actions.

[Opinion Owner]

@spartan55 then he should take responsibility for interrogating her

[spartan55]

@OpinionOwner
How does him taking responsibility for interrogating her have anything to do with her actions?

[Opinion Owner]

@spartan55 if he won't interrogate her, then she won't cheat. why are you not getting this?

[spartan55]

Clearly you're too young to understand. You have ownership for your actions. No one else is responsible for your actions. If I do 90mph tomorrow and get stopped should just say "officer it's not my fault, my car is too fast. How do you think that would go?

[Opinion Owner]

@spartan55 what? that's a stupid example. cars don't drive themselves. it's no one's fault except you

[spartan55]

EXACTLY, just as she is she cheats.

[Opinion Owner]

@spartan55 the boyfriend is YOU in the car. it's his fault and YOUR fault too.

[spartan55]

I wish I knew everything before I was 18. Sadly I didn't.

[Opinion Owner]

@spartan55 at least you took responsibility and stopped being insecure like this boyfriend

[spartan55]

Oh my. Sounds good

[Anonymous]

Wow, you’re really just going to ignore everyone trying to help you? No thanks, no response?

[nawtee_me]

If he thinks you are cheating then let’s cheat…. ;). lol

[Billlewis]

No, I don't think you overreacted at all.

[DreamLife7]

This questions get dumber by the minute