Why would a guy go out of his way to give you advice?

[Anonymous]

This guy is an acquaintance and I’ve noticed that he’s always there to guide me when I could get myself into sticky situations. He’s not generally someone who is helpful to others. Is he interested, or is he wanting to become my friend?

[Oliverlogan263]

Hmm that's kinda weird dude. Hard to say for sure what his deal is without knowing him better.

A few possibilities I could think of:

- He might be interested in you as more than a friend. Sometimes guys will look for any excuse to interact with a girl they like, even if it's just giving "helpful" advice.

- Or he could be trying to come across as the "nice guy" so you'll think highly of him and he'll have a chance if he asks you out later.

- Maybe he's just bored and you're an entertaining person to chat with so he doesn't mind playing the advice guy role.

- It's also possible he's trying to be friendlier lately and thinks helping you out is a good way to start forming a friendship.

The fact that he's not usually that helpful to others is a bit of a red flag though. I'd just be kinda wary because it seems odd he's singled you out. I'd pay attention to how he acts around you - if he's finding excuses to touch you or always trying to get your attention, he probably likes you as more than a friend. But it's hard to say for sure, some dudes are just weirdly "helpful" sometimes haha. Just be careful and don't put too much trust in him yet if you don't know his intentions. Hopefully he's just trying to be cool but maybe keep your guard up a bit too, you know?

[Asker]

How is it a red flag? I never thought of it that way…

[Oliverlogan263]

Hmm you know, I didn't really think of it that way before but I could see how some might think it's a bit of a red flag too. Giving advice all the time could potentially be a way for the guy to try and control what you do or manipulate the situation. Like if he's always saying "oh don't do that, let me help you with this instead" it comes off kind of pushy.

Guys who are really into a girl also sometimes try to act too helpful as a way to spend more time with them and get closer. But then it could turn into them being possessive or jealous later on. I don't wanna assume the worst about this dude since I don't really know him. But it is worth keeping an eye on just in case.

At the same time, he may really just be trying to be a friend. It's hard to say for sure without more context. My advice would be don't get too dependent on only getting advice from him. Still make your own decisions and hang with other friends too. And watch for any other weird behaviors popping up, like him getting mad if you do things without him or he's suspiciously nosy about your life.

As long as everything seems chill and he respects your space too, it's probably fine. But listen to your gut - if anything feels off or controlling down the road, don't be afraid to set boundaries or distance yourself if needed. Better safe than sorry, you know? Keep me posted on how it goes!

[Asker]

He’s just answered my question. Since he’s found out that I’ve decided to hook up with someone else, after having stayed celibate for two years waiting for him; because I’d had feelings for him, he’s started insulting me, saying I’m stupid and desperate.

[Oliverlogan263]

Wow. Okay, a few things stand out here that are definitely not cool on his part:

1) He should NOT be insulting you or putting you down just because you decided to see someone else. That shows insecurity and like he thinks he has some kind of claim over you, which he doesn't.

2) If he wasn't willing or able to reciprocate feelings for you while you were waiting, that's on him, not you. You did nothing wrong by moving on with your life and finding someone who can make you happy now.

3) Calling you "stupid and desperate" is just plain rude and disrespectful. You seem like a smart girl who deserves to be with someone who respects your choices.

Honestly, his behavior is a big ol' red flag to me. Real friends don't try to bring you down for living your life. If I were you, I wouldn't waste any more time caring what this guy thinks - he clearly has some issues he needs to work out. You do you, boo! Focus on this new person who makes you feel good and just try not to stress this dude's petty games. You got this!

[ProbablyClueless]

Eh... sounds like he's just generally trying to build up some good will with you. Could be romantic interest or platonic. I can't really say without more information.

[Asker]

Well, he said that I’m stupid and desperate for choosing to hook up with another guy and that that’s why he gives advice. I’ve asked anonymously but he figured out that it was me and answered.

[ProbablyClueless]

That wasn't very nice of him

[Asker]

Oh well 😊

[Nikki1989]

Men still think they know how to solve problems, bless them.

[EmmaMary]

He's obviously desperate to give you a damn good fucking.

[Asker]

I’m not sure…he seemed to get angry that I asked. As though it was a personal insult. Since I’ve mentioned that I’m hooking up with another guy, suddenly I’m ‘stupid;’ and ‘desperate.’ He always was like that when we were friends. Rather unpleasant.

[EmmaMary]

Why not test the waters by simply asking him outright to come to bed with you.

[Asker]

I don’t want to go to bed with someone who’s being mean to me. Why? Do you think he’s jealous or something?

[EmmaMary]

You've not mentioned anything about him being mean to you... And what exactly has he got to be jealous about?

[Asker]

My point exactly. He’s told me that he gives me advice because I’m stupid and desperate. Both of which he’s said since I respected his desire not to be with me and decided to hook up with someone else.

[Asker]

After several years of remaining celibate because of my previous feelings for him.

[Asker]

I guess I don’t get it, as I come on here for advice, not to bait people. I genuinely don’t understand what his problem is.

[Asker]

What is his problem?

[EmmaMary]

This whole situation is beginning to sound so pathetic and ridiculous. smh

If this guy has already got someone else then well the hell are you even bothering about him?

Simply remain distant acquaintances and move on with your life.

[EmmaMary]

* why *

[Asker]

I don’t know whether he’s got someone else. All I know is I was interested, he wasn’t. I accepted it and decided to see other men and I found one that’s interested after years of waiting and now he’s getting nasty about it. It doesn’t make sense.

[EmmaMary]

Sending you all good wishes for your future happiness. 🤞

[EmmaMary]

Gosh... Thank you so much for the MHO.

[TommyMountainFigure]

That does sound like the actions of someone who wants to befriend you.

[PointlessNonsenseGuy]

The likely explanation is that he wants to bang you.

He. Wants. To. Bang. You.

[Anonymous]

Guys are natural born problem solvers. It's what we do! Women like to discuss problems, get to the emotional heart of things, share emotions. Guys just want to fix whatever is broken.

[ButtNakedMan]

He could be gay if he hasn't flirted. He could be interested, but you haven't flirted. He could just be giving advice.

[Jason2469]

Because you are stupid and in desperate need.

[Asker]

I’m neither stupid nor desperate. I gave you a thumbs up however, because he could see me as being both.

[Jason2469]

He does.

[Asker]

Well, thanks for answering my question. My earlier conclusion was that he’s trying to get back into my good books so he can continue to use me for free food and attention, just like he did in the past. Because he saw my kindness as making me a mark to exploit.

[Asker]

Confirmed by my therapist and my mum after I suggested it to them 😊👍

[Jason2469]

I'm not a fan of therapists but me and your mum are definitely right.

[Jason2469]

Get smarter or date nicer people.

[Asker]

I may have been naive and gullible, but at least I’m not a bad person like some.

[Jason2469]

I have no doubt you are nit a bad person. Bad people only victimize good people. Being good won't protect you. Being smart will.

[Asker]

I am actually intelligent in terms of IQ. I’ve been assessed. I’m not streetwise and I give people the benefit of the doubt until they give me reason not to.

[Jason2469]

I believe you. Giving benefit of the doubt seems like some stupid shit high IQ people would do.

[Asker]

and I’ve never had to be desperate for a partner. I’m simply selective about who I like and who I don’t. So much so that I have turned men down many times and stayed celibate for nearly five years. Which would’ve been 6, had I not been raped.

[Asker]

Well, I’m probably smarter than you are Ben. Intelligence and street smarts are two different things. Assessments don’t lie.

[Asker]

Your problem was that you always underestimated others and overestimated yourself.

[WhitneySnow]

I think he likes you

[Anonymous]

Maybe,,

[Asker]

Maybe which one? Romantic or friendly interest?