Is this guy a red flag or just sensitive he gets angry for replying late?

[Anonymous]

A guy whom I used to work at office likes me, but he hasn't directly told me how he feels. He often flirts and asks about my future marriage plans. Sometimes he wants to open

up but is afraid I'll reject him. When I take time to respond, he does the

same. Recently, I was in the hospital, and he asked where I was.

I told him, and he showed concern, asking about my health and expressed how much he cares. But when I responded late the next day by telling I'm sorry for responding late as I was sleeping till evening after coming back tired from the hospital and then got busy by doing online office work as I'm on leave , he just said "ok np" without showing much care. This has happened >many times -despite explaining him my situation for being busy he gets upset when I don't respond quickly, even though I've explained I can't always be available. I've told him our different chat schedules shouldn't affect our friendship, like my other friends. He sometimes starts conversations but not often if I don't initiate chatting also he has admitted to having anger issues. Is he a red flag or just sensitive?

[SueShe]

There are those 2 words (anger issues) that are instant red flags. Anger issues should alarm you instantly and make you aware that you are potentially heading into trouble if you decide to pursue that relationship.

Anger issues are hard to control without professional help but people that have anger issues seldom recognize them and most often don't see how serious they are until it is too late.

I see that his anger issues are controlling him and the fact that he becomes distant if you don't answer right away leads me to believe that he is possibly even attempting to control you by being short and rather cold.

There will be the day where he will not longer be able to control his issues and he will explode for something trivial that you said (or did not say). This is a serious warning and don't take it lightly.

[Asker]

Should I drop message to him? That is he angry or what? After he curtly msgd me with "ok np" when I told him I was hospitilized and came back tired from there.

[SueShe]

Don't mention anything about being angry or hinting that he has an issue with being angry. It would just upset him even more and that would not help you.

However, what you should do at a later stage is to prepare a list of things about him that bother you and next to each item, you try to bring a solution that could be acceptable to both. Ask him to make a similar, independent list from you. Later, you sit together and try to find a consensus that is acceptable to both of you and try to adhere to that consensus.

[Asker]

Hmm you are totally right, Thankyou for the input.

[SueShe]

No problem. Hope you can solve your issue to your advantage.

[Asker]

🌸👍

[Nikki1989]

Ugh, we have another one.

[Asker]

Kindly read the post properly or just don't comment pls it's not just about him being frustrated for late response.

[pervertedjester]

If it were me, I don't chase conversations. If you want to talk to me, talk. I'm not going to bounce topics off a wall until something sticks. Point is if you're interested you make an effort. No matter what his anger issues stem from, no one enjoys feeling ignored.

[Asker]

I never ignored him, i just response him late because of the current busy schedule and he's not willing to understand my situation. my other friends are more understanding and cooperative than him.

[Anonymous]

"men are allowed to have emotions"

shows anger issues

"RED FLAG! RED FLAG!" lmao

[Asker]

Angry for over what? For not replying quickly when I was hospitalised.

[spartan55]

@asker you characterizing him as being 'angry' for 'ok np' is a HUGE stretch.

[Opinion Owner]

that's besides the point

I'm pointing out the hypocrisy how women here say they want a man to express his emotions and when he does and it's not the "right" ones, then suddenly it's problematic

can't have it both ways but this is just another way of controlling them

[spartan55]

@OpinionOwner
I definitely agree with that.

[Asker]

First of all This post was never about men and it never generalized all men. I don't know wht the heck u talking here. That's a weak and pathetic excuse to justify his toxic behavior. Stop pretending that being held accountable for harmful actions is 'controlling' someone. If he can't openly express emotions without giving silent treatment or hurtful, that's not emotional expression – that's entitlement. Don't gaslight someone into tolerating bullshit behavior. Also try to give response by being neutral not by playing victim cards. Thankyou

[Opinion Owner]

who said anything about this specifically being about your post or this being about his perceived "toxicity"? this is just classic Schrodinger's feminism, trying have things both ways when it doesn't work. pointing out hypocrisy isn't playing victim. it's stating facts

[Asker]

@spartan55 u definitely didn't read the post right and misinterpreted it. I've experienced a pattern of behavior from him that suggests anger and frustration, even if he doesn't explicitly express it. His 'ok np' response was cop out and came across as dismissive and uncaring, especially given the context of our conversation. And no.. Im not characterizing him as just 'angry'; I'm acknowledging a behavior pattern that has affected me negatively. Damn it

[spartan55]

Which you didn't mention or illustrate much at all. Guess I should have read your mind better.

[Asker]

I'm not having it both ways; I'm holding people accountable for their actions. Pointing out hypocrisy is not playing victim, it's about consistency. If someone can't express emotions without being hurtful, that's not emotional expression - it's entitlement. And yes, I will call out hypocrisy when I see it, regardless of gender or situation. That's not Schrödinger's feminism, that's just seeking accountability and respect. ig u watch gender wars, toxic feminism misogynistic lame videos a lot. That's y u r bringing misconceptions here to my post kindly note that Not every person's post is about generalisation of a specific gender.

[Opinion Owner]

you haven't held anyone accountable except airing out his dirty laundry. none of his actions are even remotely toxic and when he tells you about his feelings you weaponize it against him despite him not actually being toxic whatsoever

his pattern of behavior is negatively affecting you, why? because you can't control him? what the hell do you even want from his guy anyway?

and nobody said every person's post is about generalizations of a specific gender though next time a woman posts "why don't men express their emotions more?" I'll be sure to use this as a reason why

[Asker]

U here again? Your response is a perfect example of gaslighting and victim-blaming. Nobody is 'airing dirty laundry'; again don't know wht the crap u talking.. seems like you r someone who got scolded for not doing laundry & then going off topic. Stay focus on the issue at hand. I'm sharing my experience. His actions may not be toxic to you, but they affect me negatively. I'm not 'weaponizing' his feelings; I'm setting boundaries. And yes, I want him to respect those boundaries. Your defensiveness and assumptions show you're more interested in protecting him than understanding someone perspective. next time, read the posts carefully before making assumptions & without knowing somebody whole story Or simply just don't drop replies over someone's simple posts who needs helpful suggestions not lame gender supremastic response.

[Opinion Owner]

lol victim blaming? there's no victim here

being defensive? you should look in the mirror

nobody is stopping you from sharing your experience. doesn't mean we all have to agree on the conclusion you came to

what boundaries did he violate? did he assault you? did he slander your name to everyone else? no. he was simply upset just like you're upset yet you're hell bent on trying to demonize this guy and you don't even know what you want from him

[Asker]

Seems like you are being obessed with my post just like you are obessed with reading gender supremastic stuff. Pls stick to that and don't come here again. I don't have to agree with your hypocritical replies or accept your twisted logic and accept I'm wrong. Your all responses is a classic example of victim-blaming and gaslighting. I'm not being defensive, You're trying to distract from the issue at hand by questioning my intentions and minimizing my experience. Let me be clear: I'm not asking for your permission to share my story or my feelings. I'm not asking you to agree with my conclusions. I'm simply telling in my post how his behavior affected me. If you can't handle that, then maybe you're the one who should be looking in the mirror. I know what I want from him: respect, acknowledgment, and boundaries. Just like I've been giving him since the start of the conversation. An yes, you're a hypocrite for defending his anger towards me for simply not replying quickly, despite knowing the whole situation. I'm not demonizing him I'm holding him accountable for his actions. Don't confuse accountability with victimhood. If you can't handle my post without repeating the same arguments then simply buzz off from here. I need no unsolicited opinions from you.

[HusamRocks]

Angry issues r part of being sensitive 👍🏻
It's not a red flag

[alara-chan]

I hate that when i get late reply. So i can't say it is red flag

[Asker]

There's smth called basic human decency and understanding for others.. I dislike it too when someone replies me late but if someone was busy or didn't have a time to response quickly, i understand. Everyone has different schedules and challenges

[In_Trance]

He seems like a bitch