Why is he so hot and cold?

[Anonymous]

I have been friends with this guy for almost 6 years. The last few years he's been hot and cold, flirting with me. Like flirting then pulling away, teasing me flirtatiously, but when I get serious with him about it. He like she's away or says he's joking. I want to believe that, but it doesn't seem that way. He always wonders about how I'm dating teasing me about it. He dates girls, often.. like possibly a new girl every few months and he always complains.

How they are "this" and "that"

I'm trying to help him, like don't break up so soon, what do you like about them, see the good side, he just says that they are cute.. and I get that. I know he's abit shallow when it comes to the girls he likes. So I get confused when he flirts with me, because he's a Chinese guy, who dates skinny, pretty Chinese guys and I'm fat black and ugly.. no just kidding lol but I am a taller chubby black woman.

Like today it was the same thing "complain about girlfriend, ask who I'm dating, flirting with me, then saying it's a joke, wanting a hug but acting awkward about it" like this has been our cycle the last few years, even at dinner today I told him to stop being shallow and that I pray he finds someone he can love on the inside as well as the outside, he said "like you" and then he started laughing and we kept eating. I don't know.. It's weird.

[Oliverlogan263]

Girl that is so confusing! He's definitely giving you mixed signals. On one hand the flirting and asking about your dating life sounds interested, but then backtracking and saying it's a joke is messing with your head!

Boys can be so confusing sometimes. I think deep down he probably does like you as more than a friend, but might be awkward/shy about pursuing it since you've known each other so long. Could also be dealing with some superficial dating habits he's trying to break free from.

My advice? Maybe try calling him out directly next time. Like "Look, I'm getting tired of these hot/cold games. Either you're into me and want to give us a real shot, or I need you to stop flirting so I can fully move on."

Knowing you might not be his "type" physically could be holding him back too. But inner beauty is way more important! Let him know you aren't buying his excuses anymore and it's time for honest answers. You deserve clarity, girl!

Just trust your gut and don't let him keep stringing you along forever. His loss if he can't see how great you are inside and out! Keep standing up for yourself - you got this.

[Asker]

I swear it's so weird, because he will look at me like he means it, then when I look at him like I'm caught off guard he just awkwardly chuckles and says it's a joke, and when I flirt back he looks away, turning red and insists it was a joke, stuttering, all flustered, laughing then trying to change the subject, yesterday the waiter was trying to figure out if we were together and was obviously flirting he was like "do you want his number, he's a good looking guy" I said no, but later I was like "he seems cool, maybe" he's like "no we have to go, let's go" I was like OKAYYYYY? I have a kid as well from a ONS, birth control failed and he likes to parade around likes he's his father, asked yesterday "are you looking for a dad for him?" Just more outwardly weird stuff.

He has a girlfriend though, plus yeah the shallow stuff. I'm not too big to Americans. I'm, tall (5'9) solid curvy, hourglass figure with huge boobs (I love my boobs lol) and I guess I have a chubby baby face. I definitely get attention, and I'm pretty, but as far as his type. I might as well be one of those people who can't stand on their own because they are do obese. He also likes to stay over at my place to "get away" from his girlfriend because he's tired. She doesn't live with him. They are together, but they don't live together. He thought I didn't know that but I did, he even likes to lay his head on my lap and take naps.

Or I'm pretty, but when I don't smile. I look very upset. I've been told that a lot too. Im just easier to talk to when I smile, my friends say that as well.

[Asker]

He asks me about my relationships, and do I prefer black men. I said I like all races, he says "why have I never seen you with an Asian guy huh huh?" Like teasingly, plus when we go out, he likes to feed me and eat off of my plate (but I just think I have the better food lol) but it doesn't seem like something normal friends would do. As I said, very hot and cold. Oh yesterday he tried to hug me and he hugged me tight and like he was going to pick me up, just playful, but I know he just wanted to hug me, but he was very awkward about it.

If anything I think it's the physical part of it, he's just very shallow or maybe intimidated? Because others have pointed out that "he likes me" and im just like "nah, he just plays like that" I do intimidate people though, even black men. I mean a lot of white guys don't mind approaching me, but they are still nervous and unsure what to talk about and I'm just chilling. I swear I used to think I was ugly for the longest time, but I just RBF, men look at me and when I look at them they look away, when I look back they are looking. Apparently I'm more approachable when I smile. My eyes are "pretty, but intimidating"

[Oliverlogan263]

1. Hey sis, I'm real worried about you getting so hung up on this dude. He's showing straight up that he ain't worth the confusion and frustration. Staying over at your place to "get away" from his girlfriend? Parading around like your kid's dad when he has a whole other woman? Nah.

I know y'all been friends a long time but he's crossing boundaries all over the place and making a fool of you. Letting him lay in your lap and sneak around on his girl right under your nose too - you really gonna let some dude play you like that?

You too fine, smart, and successful to be stuck on no lame ass mama's boy. For real! Next time he starts up with those mixed signals, straight up call him out - ask what he really want from you cause his mind games ain't it.

He either needs to show you proper respect by cutting the girlfriend out the picture for good or you cut him off, period. No more second chances, you hear me? You deserve better - someone who chooses you first every time without question.

Don't waste no more time on this clown show. You’re a boss mama with so much to offer. Go level up and let him see what he missed out on - he'll be begging to lock it down for real once you shine without him holding you back! You got this sis ✊🏾

[Oliverlogan263]

2. Girl he CLEARLY likes you, that much is obvious! All those little extra touches and feeding you and wanting to pick you up in a hug - he's into you sis, even if his shy boy ass won't admit it.

But you're right, seems like he might be a little intimidated cause you such a boss queen! I've been there too with dudes acting scared to make a real move. Just know it's THEIR problem, not a reflection on you at all!

I say challenge his shy ass - next time he starts playing, flirt back hard till he sweatiny and see if he finally mans up. Or you could ask me -- "why you so hooked on teasing when you got a girl? Man up if you want me for real."

Get him to finally claim up how he feels! Cause otherwise you too fine to wait around. And if he chickens out, drop him quick. You deserve a man bold enough to choose you proudly without games.

Don't let anyone, not even his sorry self, make you question how bomb you are. Believe in your power sis! The right one will see clearly how much of a catch you are 🔥

[kylee2437]

I’ve learned with guys you need to just be straight up with them and call them out on their behaviors. Believe it or not, a lot of men like to hear about themselves and like a woman that’s confident enough to bring up whatever seems to be bothering them or anything that makes you curious (as long as it’s in reason of course)

[PeachyPie93]

He either just likes teasing you for your reactions or he secretly wants to fuck you but not ruin the friendship since it's probably just sex.

[DishLady]

Maybe he’s a Katy Perry fan….

[Asker]

Lmaoo love that song! 😂😂

[DishLady]

Me too. :)

[Asker]

Had to listen to it after I saw the comment. I miss music like thar

[saymyname333]

He’s a loser. Drop him. He’s not reliable and doesn’t care.