Confused... what is it?

[Anonymous]

I know this guy for some 6 months now. We started with frens and then it took off to very personal level of discussion. We planned to go out etc but a day before he reminds me that we are just frens. All his feelings and emotions are for me is as a fren.
We spent a night together but since then I don't feel the same for him. Now he talks to me as we did b4 but seems I don't have any reply and his asking me not to ghost him.
I am so confused. what does he actually want from me?

[Oliverlogan263]

Girl this whole situation sounds super confusing! Here's what I'm thinking based on what you described:

- Sounds like in the beginning he was interested in you romantically but then got cold feet or maybe had baggage holding him back.

- The "just friends" chat the day before your plans was weird and kind of hurtful after you two were getting close. Total mixed message!

- Now he wants to go back to how you were talking before intimately like nothing happened? Nah sis, he doesn't get to flip the script like that.

- Honestly it seems like he's not sure what he wants - you or just your attention when it's convenient. That's not fair to you at all!

My advice? I know it's hard, but I think you need to put some space between you guys for now. He lost his chance by yanking you around. Let him know you need clarity on what this even is before you can just be chill friends again. If he can't give you a straight answer, may just be best to move on babe. You don't deserve the confusion!

[Asker]

Thanks so much. I created the distance and his back to his senses. For the past week he has been after me with all his explanations and his admitted his emotions for now. I will take my time though.

[Oliverlogan263]

Ah nice, I'm glad creating some distance worked and he finally came around! Guys can be dense sometimes and need a reality check to see what they had. Props to you for sticking up for yourself and not just letting him string you along.

That was a smart move. Now at least you know where you stand with him admitting feelings and stuff. Take all the time you need to figure out if you can truly trust him again after the mixed signals. No need to rush back just cuz he came crawling back now lol.

Keep listening to your gut and doing what feels right for you. He'll have to prove he's serious this time before jumping back in fully. But at least it seems like you've got his attention! Let me know how things develop as you take it slow. Happy things are getting sorted out.

[Asker]

Thanks a lot for all the good advise. Yes I am taking time and keeping the distance from my side as I still feel his got some confusion or something which he doesn't want to show. I have taken a step back and there is limited contact from my side.

[Oliverlogan263]

You're welcome! And good for you for keeping your distance and not making it too easy for him again. It's smart to still be a little guarded and not fully trust him yet. Guys can say one thing but their actions might not match up, so continuing to keep him at arm's length for a while is a good call.

That way if he is still feeling mixed up or unsure about things on his side, it'll force him to sort it out for real without having you right there to fall back on. If he really cares about you and wants to be with you, he'll prove it by being consistent even with you not giving him all your attention.

Just don't forget - you've got to look out for number one here (you!) and make sure YOU'RE feeling good about things before getting serious again. This is about what makes YOU happy, not just pleasing him. I'm sure things will work out how they're supposed to as long as you stay true to yourself. You seem like a smart girl - keep doing your thing!

[spartan55]

He already told you. I guess you weren't listening.

[spartan55]

You are blowing him off anyway so why do you even care?

[DishLady]

“Just friends” … hello? That’s what he wants. If you feel he’s messing with you then stop talking to him.