Relationships

Confusion what is it though?

I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 3 and ½ months now. I kissed my boyfriend on the 2nd day of our relationship even though I did not loved him. But now I can feel my feelings growing stronger for him and I feel like his affection his care his love is all mine and I feel pathetic thinking he would his future girlfriend just like he treats me now if we break up. I tend to touch my boyfriend often and feel like holding his arm or cuddling or kissing him or touch him in inappropriate places which I know he won't mind. Honestly I am not a physical person like I was in a relationship for 4 years and never kissed that guy. But I feel different now. I used to talk to my ex while I was in this relationship and wanted to sort everything with him and say goodbye forever which I did. I know I was being dishonest with my man and kept him in the dark which i seriously regret. He forgave me though but I can see how hurt he is I just don't know what to do I feel so pathetic at myself I hate me for what I did. I really hope he never leaves me and I want him to see my future with him because i feel he is so perfect his words, his care, his loyalty, his love everything is just perfect. I feel he is my ideal type but then often he brings up the memories from the past Luke how I was talking to my ex (he said I was cheating though) . I really feel disgusted thinking i did all of these with my man and I really repent but then I get angry whenever he brings up the past and tend to bring up break up. Am I genuine? I don't know what are my feelings. Am I really good for him or am I hurting him? Do I love him or do I not? I am not clear to myself can anyone please suggest.

Confusion what is it though?
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