Why is it so hard for me to find a significant other?

[Anonymous]

I am 28 , I have a good career, I take care of my body I make sure my hair is nice, my nails are done, I wear cute dresses wear heals smell good, so why no one approaches me? I don't go out a lot, but lately I've been going out all dressed up and still no guy approach me they just stare sometimes. I am not ugly, I receive compliments from people about my looks even some kids compliment me a few times. Is it because I look younger than my age or do I come off as unapproachable or maybe because I've been single for years and don't know how to behave in front of guys

[MrOracle]

You are 28. That's already in the Danger Zone.

You have a good career - which means exactly NOTHING to a man. Just mentioning that lowers your attractiveness to men, because it shows that you have NO IDEA what men value in a woman (it ISN'T a career).

You spend a bunch of money on yourself and are going out - to where? "Relationship men" don't go to bars or clubs, so what kind of men are you running into? I already know the answer: "casual sex men" who have no interest in a relationship. Sure, they'll bang you, but they have no interest in committing to anyone. The same with dating apps - relationship men don't use dating apps because dating apps are only used for hooking up.

Start by figuring out what you actually want, and be able to articulate what you want. Make sure you realize that there are "casual sex men" who have one set of characteristics, and "relationship men" who have a different set of characteristics, and you CANNOT mix-and-match. You have to pick one or the other, and you have to live with the choice you made.

Once you know what kind of man you are looking for, you need to ask yourself if you are the type of woman those men are looking for. That means you need to KNOW what "relationship men" are looking for in a woman. Most men understand the value of a relationship, because a relationship comes at a very HIGH cost for men, so men expect to get value in return - meaning they don't give commitments to women unless they're going to get at least most of what they want from that woman.

I doubt that looks are your problem - though STYLE might be. But it seems pretty clear to me that you don't understand much about the dating market, and until you do, you can't expect to be successful. I'd be happy to answer questions or explain things if you are looking for some help - and I'm sure it would help other readers too. Even though I don't know you or know anything about you, I only wish you success in finding a partner, and I'm willing to help if I can, but you have to start with a solid foundation.

[sawno]

I did write a mytake on this once : 5 Reasons You Do Not Have A Boyfriend Yet! (From A Geek's Perspective)
But its very likely the mistake of trying to be as hot as you can be rather than aiming to be as approachable as you can be.

[IslaTheWitch]

because it's not the same for everyone...

I've never had a problem with "finding" a partner... mainly because I've never really been looking for them... they happened in my life... naturally... without much effort from my side, except for simply being myself...

so don't compare yourself to others because it doesn't make any sense... you live your life and it's a unique life... enjoy it... focus more on yourself than on "looking for mr. right"

[BetaBucks]

If you go on a dating app, you'll get 100s of matches. Instead of rejecting them for not being attractive enough, try giving one of them a shot. I know it will feel like settling, but it's not. Trust me.

[Asker]

I tried going out with a guy even tho he was not my type physically but he was not respectful and I did not enjoy his company at all.

[BetaBucks]

That sucks, but there's still a million other dudes out there. Pretty much everyone goes through trial and error to find a partner. I know people who have dated over 100 people just to find a good match.

[spartan55]

You are putting out a bad vibe that says 'don't approach me'.

[Asker]

How to get rid of that bad vibe

[spartan55]

Don't have RBF. Smile, talk to guys. It's not rocket science. But you see how your approach worked (let them come to you, do nothing) you will be waiting forever.

[Luckycharms12]

Are you open to people to make a move or is your body closed off. Dating sites other option

[Asker]

I thought about dating apps but it's full of promiscuous people and I don't like getting physical with guys at early stages

[Asker]

About the body language am not sure what you mean by body closed off I don't go out smiling at guys I just stare at them if there do

[Luckycharms12]

Dating sites aren't for everyone. Guys want to be physical full stop. But arms folded or looking at your phone guys wouldn't approach you

[Emanon25]

It’s not hard but it might take some time to find the right person.

[Anonymous]

Boom. There it is in your first sentence plain as day. You're welcome!

[jahaims]

You can approach guys