5 Reasons You Do Not Have A Boyfriend Yet! (From A Geek's Perspective)


Here is my version of the why you don't have a partner yet take inspired by this one.
Since the other one is aimed at men ill aim this one at girls. And yes, this one is written from a geeks perspective. If other men have a different list feel free to share yours in the comments.

1. You are not making an effort to approach us.

She wants him, but he is to distracted to notice.
She wants him, but he is to distracted to notice.

Lets face it girls, the media and Twitter have had quite a destructive effect on our dating climate. If a minority of girls abuse their power to get a flirting guy in trouble and this is reported on it will make men less likely to risk it. Meanwhile the men that do approach you might not be the kind of men you are looking for. And that cute guy in the corner you where hoping would ever approach you may not have noticed you or may not think you'd be interested in him in the first place. Guys tend to be friendly when approached so it never hurts to go to your crush and ask him out or admit your feelings. Not all men are natural leaders and even if we are we can appreciate the gesture and at worst will turn you down politely. But most likely take you up on the offer if we are interested. The social fabric of men being the initiators doesn't work as effective anymore, so go approach them!

2. You are making an effort to be as attractive as you can be, but you are not making an effort to be as approachable as you can be.

Yes its a simple look, but it shows what you like and can spark a conversation with a guy that likes the same thing.
Yes its a simple look, but it shows what you like and can spark a conversation with a guy that likes the same thing.

Yes, we know. You love to dress up and be pretty! We love that to and will definitely appreciate the effort especially on a date. Its going to have a positive effect on more mainstream men especially those who are experienced approaches or a man that is already chasing you. So if you want a guy to approach you for your looks, if you want that confident guy or a one night stand? Go for it! Want to be as pretty as you can be for the guy that already has his eyes on you? Certainly go for it! But what if that is not what you want? What if you want a guy to approach you because of you and not just because of your looks. What if you are attracted to the more introverted or geeky men? Or perhaps a man who shares the passion you share. These men aren't going to approach you because you look beautiful, they'd assume you are into other things than they are and just don't fit them. To these men being approachable is way more important than being dressed up and having your make-up in order. Make sure to go to places where these guys hang around, or do things or wear things that express what you enjoy around your co-workers. Love movies? Talk about a movie with them or wear a shirt in public from your favorite movie or music. Love games? Talk about games or wear a shirt indicating you love games. Perhaps cosplay if that is more your thing.

You will notice men tend to have a passion for what they do and talk about it constantly, the easiest way for you to be approached is to make sure they know you are into these things to. It gives them easy conversation fuel to approach you and ask you out on a date doing the thing you both love to do. I got a real life example of this at a client. There was a new employee who i'd find moderately attractive, she didn't stand out to me since there where prettier girls at that office. But then i learned she was into the same things as me and suddenly my entire focus shifted, she was now the girl i wanted out of all these girls. Because i knew she'd perfectly fit me. Its how you can very effectively shift focus of the type of guy you wish to attract.

Heck, even something as silly as wearing a "Film nerd looking for a boyfriend" shirt would probably do wonders in a train station rather than blending in with the crowd. But keep in mind some to obvious forms might be a little to effective and attract the wrong men haha.

Going to places where the men are that you wish to attract also works wonders.

3. You do not offer something we want and need in our family lives while another girl does.

A wealthy man does not need someone who makes money, he needs an affectionate house wife for his children.
A wealthy man does not need someone who makes money, he needs an affectionate house wife for his children.

This point sparked a bit of controversy recently but is genuinely 100% true.
You can NOT be a full time career women and expect a men to earn more than you, he is not going to be interested in you if he has a full time career. He doesn't need you to earn money he needs a loving mom for his children since he will be at work all week.

Personally i have a career path that is just going to demand me to be present and even do stand-by duties. I can't easily get a part time job so i won't be able to easily split the chores or take care of the children during the week. So i need a girl who would ideally look after the family, not a career women who aims to earn a lot of money and be independent from me. Because if we are both focused on career who takes care of the other aspects of our family?

If you wish to pursue a career part time you will have to ensure you can find a guy who can also easily get a part time job and then split the family and work life among yourself. Or you'd have to find a guy who is fine sending the children to daycare every day. Or perhaps a guy who is willing to raise the children while you work. But what you should not aim to do is seek a career men if you are a career women if he has a desire that you look after his family. The gender roles have never gone away, only the concept its exclusively one gender has gone away. The roles still exist and you'd need to find a balance that works for the couple. And in the cases of successful men that will likely mean you need to take care of the household for him as that is something he will not be able to do himself.

4. You are focused on the wrong things in your 20's.

Studying is good for a career, studying first dating second works for men. But not well for women.
Studying is good for a career, studying first dating second works for men. But not well for women.

This point is mostly a warning since undoubtedly there are some ladies who are currently incredibly focused on studying rather than finding a partner. Men prefer younger women, women prefer older men. So you are competing with the girls that are younger than you. Meanwhile you are racing against your biological clock. That means that if you wait until your 30's your options will be significantly smaller than in your 20's. Because a 30 year old man could date a girl in her 20's while a 30 year old women will probably not be able to find a man in his 20's and at the same time men in their 30's will likely have found their partner already or otherwise be able to opt for younger women.

I am not saying you will never find a partner in your 30's or that it is to late.
But i am saying you should focus on dating in your 20's if you still can because you will have a lot more options.

5. Your dating profile sucks!

Dog filters and vague descriptions are not helpful.
Dog filters and vague descriptions are not helpful.

It is really sad how many dating profiles i have seen that are absolute garbage, there are plenty of pretty and sometimes outright beautiful girls that ruined their profile by having a terrible profile text, or put a terrible filter on her picture that obscures her looks.

Your profile should tell us who you are and what you are looking for. I have literally seen a profile of a girl exclusively writing that she is an absolute grammar nazi (Her words not mine) and you don't even have to bother approaching if you can't write a proper sentence structure.

Yes, that was it. Her entire text. And i imagine she got little to no replies since she changed it now, to "I don't react to winks or profiles without a picture" which is equally terrible.

Sure she is pretty but why would we approach her if all she does is complain about what she doesn't want? Rather than give us a reason to approach her.

So anyone dating make sure you :
- Have an attractive picture that resembles you.
- Make sure you show in a picture who you are and what you like to do.
- Have a description describing a bit about yourself as an individual.
- Include in the description what kind of stuff you like to talk about and do.
- Include in the description what kind of men you are looking for and what you expect from them.

That way the guys that fit you will know this and approach you and the guys that don't will be less likely to try making your whole online dating experience a lot more fun than if only the desperate men approach you who can't afford to ignore you because of your profile text or genuinely mostly care about your looks.


Girls, I hope this MyTake gave some insight from my perspective of where i think girls are making it harder than necessary to be approached by us. Be yourself, but know that being the prettiest girl in the room is much harder than being the most desirable girl in the room for the guy that fits you so express who you are and what you like openly so he can take notice.

Guys, (Especially those that do frequently approach women) do you agree with my list? Or are there different points i missed or perhaps points that are not relevant to you at all? Share it in the comments.

5 Reasons You Do Not Have A Boyfriend Yet! (From A Geek's Perspective)
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Most Helpful Guys

  • JSmuve
    This was well done. Well-written. It seems like woman want us to approach them but do everything in their power to look unapproachable, denigrate guys that do approach them, and have little clue as to what guys are actually looking for in a woman. Then they attack us for not approaching them; trying to use our sense of masculinity against us to shame us into approaching them, not realizing or caring that we probably live in the most socially screwed up times in terms of gender identity.

    You see all over this place about how woman don't dress up to attract guys, or that a girl smiled at a guy and the guy misinterpreted her intent. All of this just points to the perception that girls nowadays just don't want to be approached in a romantic sense, despite what they claim. So there's this huge confusion where girls are talking out of both sides of their mouth and guys don't know what to believe. So in order to not make a social misstep, it's easier to just not approach than take the risk that you'll annoy a girl who has just trying to be nice when she smiled at you and asked how your day was. But then they claim that we're stupid for not picking up on their oh-so obvious, subtle hints that are as clear as day. No. We picked up on them. We just disregarded them because we found out that those "obvious" hints vary in meaning depending on which girl sends them and we'd rather not read into something that isn't there.
    Is this still revelant?
    • sawno

      I notice a lot of people pointing out the interesting social trend where the social fabric between men and women is being destroyed so actively because girls can reject in very harsh mean ways as if you are wasting their time by showing interest. Getting you in trouble for interpreting a signal wrong or daring to test the waters in an innocent way. Lines up perfectly with the broader trend we are seeing. When i wrote the take i assumed it was just a smaller loud group ruining it for everyone. But seeing all the reactions here is making me realize how much impact the whole phenomenon has.

    • JSmuve

      My guess is a lot of these girls are on a power trip. They know that guys will try to approach them and they get off on it. It makes them feel good and attractive knowing that guys are interested in them and it makes them feel powerful knowing they can reject them and another guy will be along in a day or two.

    • sawno

      I never took it that grim, i always assumed they are genuinely annoyed at men trying to dare approach them. The better she thinks she looks the quicker that will manifest as yet another ugly guy thinking he has a chance. The more men who approach her the more annoyed she will get at the attemps. I imagine it being similar to callcenters and door to door salesman. At first you don't mind but it gets old.

      But that type of girl is not who i aimed this at, she is clearly very pretty if to many approach. But i strongly believe a very large portion of girls would wish they get noticed but don't manage to stand out. This take is for them to empower them to completely hijack this prettiest girl in the room gets approached phenomenon and in turn make it easier for us to find the right women.

    • Show All
  • I only agree with number one and five.

    Being asked out by a woman is so thrilling I'd hardly reject her. Hell, even if she just approaches me first is quite a powerful move. Don't wait for things to fall on your lap. It doesn't work this way. This goes for both men and women.

    And keeping those dating profiles likable goes without saying. The women are also being too selective. I have been on there for 3-4 months and still couldn't get a single date. Out of 10 matches i get only one responds.
    Is this still revelant?
    • sawno

      Wouldn't it be easier if you could spot potential matches in a crowd rather than on the app? Because that is what point 2 is really about. 3 and 4 are things i heard from broader society so i can imagine it resonating a bit less.

    • Unit1

      Theoretically it would be easier. But I'm a migrant and at a disadvantage. All My peers think otherwise.

Most Helpful Girls

  • CubsterShura
    I actually think it is a bad advice to encourage women to focus on men more than studying while they are still studying. A lot of these women will later regret it. One of the best life advices for women especially is to not care about what men like then it comes to deciding what they want to pursue in terms of study and career. In the end you need a man who will be compatible with you the way you truly are, and not what you settled down to be for a man that won't feel you feel entirely fulfilled.
    Is this still revelant?
    • sawno

      A lot of women seem to be automatically assuming that i am saying neglect your studies or abandon them or men won't like you. Which isn't the case at all. But the "Ill wait until i am done with my studies" approach is something i do advise against. There is nothing wrong with trying to date alongside the study. Doesn't have to be the primary focus but it can help if you are still looking rather than completely closing off the opportunity.

    • Yeah one can still date whole studying but I wouldn't recommend anyone to make decisions surrounding men or dating.

  • Glue-Sniffer
    I spent my 20s studying hard, didn't really make much of an effort to look stylish and to this day I am the most unapproachable person in most rooms. I never seriously pursued online dating and I am focused on my career. I don't think there are many part time vacancies because I am working in a male dominanted area. Somehow I didn't wind up single... How weird is that?😏
    Is this still revelant?
    • sawno

      By no means is this take a list of things you have to do to be successful, its advice for the girls who are overlooked or are doing it in an order that makes it harder to find someone. Its by no means impossible but as i (clickbaitedly) suggested with the title is a list of stuff you could take into account if you want more chance on the dating field according to my own views.

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What Girls & Guys Said

  • Nice Dude!

    Good read!

    Doggo is looking mighty fine! LOL
  • Audiofox
    “Don’t study”

    Are you serious? This is garbage. I prefer to believe my intelligence is more important than my looks but okay. Also I’m 31, mostly a tomboy and have absolutely no issue finding partners.
    • sawno

      Thats what i get for clickbaiting top 5 lists haha.

      But i never said don't study, i said don't exclusively focus on studying or being in the mindset that relationships come later.
      Its a universal mytake with multiple reasons that are in a broader sense, you being a tomboy will naturally help you get past most of the reasons on the list because tomboys tend to be very approachable and hanging around with the guys.

      So if you do not have any issue finding a partner this take will probably not apply to you like it would for others and its not written in a way that where if you have 1 of these you are suddenly undatable. Its just a list of 5 things that lower your chances and exclusively focusing on studies while saving dating for later is one of them.

    • I think this is the most important one. Yeah intelligence is more important than looks but education is not. We have lots of over educated people walking around these days and its meh at best and a real turn off at worst.

    • 3rdSrike

      so you got out wearing mini skirts with a full face of makeup and high heels... thats tomboy, dont find a reason to be right when you're not

    • Show All

  • AuroraRoseat
    5 is okay with the exception that men who don't fit her desires would still try to message her and change her mind.

    4) I wouldn't ever tell a woman to stop pursuing her goals and focus on trying to date. A reason why educated women can have limited dating options is because she doesn't want an uneducated man while educated men would settle for an uneducated woman.

    3) You're making generalizations. There are amazing wo/men who can balance a work/family life. Good for you for knowing your weaknesses, but there are "power couples" who can and do do both.

    2) This has to do with the male's perception and nothing at all with what the woman is doing. Many men can and do approach even when unsure how their advances will be taken. Of course, it's better to have signals but if he can't figure it out, I don't see the harm in approaching her.

    1) I encourage women to approach. Women like me who lose interest in men if we have to approach shouldn't because it would be a waste of time. I'm not interested in you if I have to approach you.
  • taleets
    This actually helped me a lot. Any more tips as to why guys would stare when out yet not approach me?
    • taleets

      You should keep posting things like this! I would love one on girls makeup/ outfits.

    • sawno

      If a guy is staring but not approaching he is likely stuck thinking he needs something better to approach you with because he doesn't want to blow his chances. The discussions that followed this take made me realize girls these days in general are no longer showing the openings we need to approach. So why not either initiate yourself or give him some conversation fuel to ignite the spark?

    • Usually for me it means a girl is hot but not attractive. Like if i see a sexy older woman say in her late 20s or 30s or a girl dressed like a slut im going to look but im not going to be interested in dating her so why bother to talk to her?

    • Show All
  • #4 is prob the only reason im single. Im more focused on love and starting a family in mid twenties while a lot of the guys are focused on career/money and waiting til 30 for a fam
    • sawno

      No this is actually ideal, you should be spending some time finding a men because your dating opportunities are still the largest in your 20's.

    • But a majority these days dont agree. Its hard to find someone whos on the same page but also attractive

    • sawno

      Perhaps it is because you are trying to start a family in your mid 20's.
      Personally i also do not want a family in my mid 20's, but finding a partner in your mid 20's who would want a family in his early 30's will likely be a lot easier.

    • Show All
  • allele1127
    I'm not on board with all of this, but I found making an effort to be approachable to be interesting. While I was still single, it wasn't something that I considered.
  • xyz94
    Huge issues with (3) and (4). Women don't have to 'stay at home' to please a certain guy and they don't have to delay their studies either. Hugely sexist.
    • sawno

      Having preferences isn't sexist, i also never implied you need to stay at home or delay your studies to please men. What i am saying is that you should be dating on the side from your studies rather than waiting until they are over because the dating pool will be a lot larger for you. And i am also saying that a men who has a full time career is likely going to prefer a women who can stay at home and take care of the children. If you want a guy that does not mind you having your own full time career and you wait until your 30's to do so that is totally fine with me, but your options will be smaller especially if you also expect that guy to have a career as well.

      Its not just me saying this, take a look at this for example : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L3GhKegJk7I

  • Jackieboi
    I dont understand. This all seems to be under the assumption that gals in general or at least a significant portion of them wants geeks? That is not my experience
    • sawno

      It may seem that way but it is not how its intended.
      I am a geek so i can only advise them from my point of view. Since i understand it doesn't apply to all men i made it transparent its from a geeks perspective but it should still be quite universal. The point is to help girls by approached more by pointing out the things that make it harder to do. The guys who are active approachers will of course do so regardless. So it should be broader than just geeks but its obviously not going to apply to every type of man.

    • Jackieboi

      My point is that all these qualities makes you attractive to less than 10% gals. And you want 90% of them to change because you feel attracted to some of them even though none of them afe attracted to you is... I dunno why you would expect that

    • sawno

      I don't know where you get those statistics from.
      Its very universal advice that can help them with pretty much all men except the ones who approach based on looks alone.

      Geek or no geek i just can't imagine this only working on a minority of men. Most serious men want a partner who has stuff in common with them. A partner who can offer something in the relationship. And age wise it makes sense for them to date in their 20s if they don't have a man yet.

      None of this has anything to do with geeks specifically as its far more universal. If you approach and value a girl exclusively for the way she looks that is fine. But if you seek more then you will obviously notice a girl quicker if she shows she is compatible with you.

    • Show All
  • confusedrepeatedly
    Very accurate but dont be afraid to approach guys be bold that cute guy in the corner might be watching you but scared he might be begging you to make the first. move but too scared to show it
  • Aethereal
    I agree with this, especially the 5th point (your dating profile sucks). Seriously! it's like some girls think that just because they're pretty, they don't have to write anything about themselves. You mention profiles with terrible intros, I've seen those with absolutely nothing at all, or a full stop (period).

    Then there are a few basic intros that are so powerful and moving that they could only be designed to make someone fall in love instantly: "Hey", "Hi", "I can't see likes", etc. (sigh)

    5 Reasons You Do Not Have A Boyfriend Yet! (From A Geek's Perspective)
  • bamesjond0069
    I agree with 3 and 4 fully and kinda 5.

    1 and 2 are wrong. Wearing a cartoon tshirt is how you attract a video game nerd. Try wearing a nice dress if you want to attract a man. Not a skank club dress or a professional business skirt but a nice summer dress or something like that.

    3 and 4 are dead ok.

    5 is true but ehhh you shouldn't be relying ok online dating especially tinder. That is shit.
  • MusicMayhem
    On girls being unapproachable the biggest issue I see is that girls are constantly huddled close together like a group of penguins so it makes it near impossible for a guy to see an opportunity where he can actually jump in and talk to the girl he likes. He feels like he had to pry open their circle and talk to all the girls and is made to feel like an outsider. Step outside of your huddle every once in a while so a guy can approach your when you're alone. You don't have to go to the bar or toilet with your friends all the time! She'll be fine.

    The other issue is numbers. I see girls primarily go out with one other friend. This is problematic because if a guy gets chatting to one girl, the other will feel left out and will cockblock the guy eventually (and the girl as she may really like the guy) by stealing her friend back because she feels too awkward alone. So try go out with 3 girls at least. Or go dance, hit up some other guy etc.
  • BeHappy1985
    • cavmanier

      "Things unfold when they’re supposed to cuz everything happens for a reason. It'll happen for me when I'm not even looking. He’ll just appear and I'll just know and he'll love me forever without any work who needs to try when things are meant to be."

      That's amazing and so true 😂😂

      "it'll happen for me when I'm not even looking. He’ll just appear and I'll just know and he'll love me forever without any work"

      That's the most amazing lyric ever.

  • Cherokeehp
    Maybe they’re just single cause they wanna be.
    • sawno

      Yup, entirely possible. The title is obviously clickbait. The take is aimed at girls who would like to find a guy but aren't getting approached.

  • Djaay
    This can honestly be pathetic in its formative nature. Stop trying to redesign they're agenda ,
    Women today do themselves in great Hope's of a dominate superior take over of men.
    Wake up and stay out of the spiders web especially of those minority that are not worth it.
    Young women are being sucked up into (legalism) and (humanism ) quickly which is (WITCHCRAFT) . Feminism is lesbianism engaged with witchcraft. there's more than 5 reasons to stay away from the majority of those type of women.
    This is not an opinion.
  • BrittBratt2416
    my 5 reason are because im ugly and im proud.
  • mermaidia_lol
    Four is very true.
  • Vangrubber
    Yep this is good too!
  • Anonymous
    number 1 I don't see ever becoming part of the norm sadly.
  • Anonymous
    Another more likely answer is... most females spend their pre-30's riding as much cock as possible and only want a boyfriend when the looks train is slowing down and they can't get the level of attention and free cock they used to in youth and need a loser to get them through their not so prime.
  • Anonymous
    this is depressing..
    • sawno

      How come?

    • Anonymous

      I understand a lot of the points, yet I think maybe from the geek pespective impression of the author of this post this has been his experience. I think if a guy is interested in you he will be, regardless of these reasons. Some of the arguments are "strengths" that any person that conquers them would be probably feeling blossomy and happy. I'm refering to the: "You are focused on the wrong things in your 20's." Who says whats wrong, maybe in the journey the person meets the other.

    • sawno

      "I think if a guy is interested in you he will be, regardless of these reasons." that is 100% true.
      The article is written for the girls who struggle capturing that interest from men and wish to have some advice to draw attention from great guys. Its not aimed at women who are successful using normal means because they for example often are the prettiest girl in the room or are in an environment surrounded by men or simply lucky the meet the right guy.

      The your focussing on the wrong things in your 20s argument is a commentary on men dating girls younger than them and thus it being beneficial to date in your 20s alongside what you are doing because you have more great men available to you.

  • Anonymous
    #6 More men than ever before these days are shunning relarionships and dating?
    • Anonymous


    • sawno

      Would you be interested if the girl initiated?

    • Anonymous

      No. I would not. I am a MGTOW monk for 2 years now and I havr never been better in my life.

  • Anonymous
    All very true. I’ve added my comments below with each of the 5 items. But I think the biggest issue women have today is a lack of femininity. By that I am not talking about sex appeal or physical attractiveness. I’m talking about personality and character. Most women today seem to have totally turned their backs on femininity, and that simply makes them unappealing to the kind of men most women are looking for. The women who still know how to be feminine will always have success with men. But sadly, it seems many women today just behave like men with a vagina. That may get them in the sack with men, but it’s not going to attract and keep god men who are interested in commitment.

    OK, here are my comments for the 5 original points.

    1. You are not making an effort to approach us. Correct, and the reason this is an issue is that approaching women today has become a very hazardous affair for men. I am far, far less inclined to approach women today than I was even a few years ago. Not worth the risks and grief I get so much from entitled, arrogant, downright nasty women. Fuck that.

    2. You are making an effort to be as attractive as you can be, but you are not making an effort to be as approachable as you can be. Very true. See #1 above.

    3. You do not offer something we want and need in our family lives while another girl does. This is so true. This is going to sound harsh but women today offer men little beyond sex, and that is obviously reflected in the behavior of today’s men. I see women complaining constantly about being used for sex and men not wanting to commit. Well ladies, you have made your bed here and now you are being forced to lie in it. Casual sex is easy to get, and committed relationships in general, and marriage in particular, have become very unfriendly to men. Marriage used to benefit men and women pretty equally. Today, the benefits of marriage to men have virtually disappeared while the risks and costs have skyrocketed. It’s simply not an attractive, or even wise option for men anymore. Some still do it, but they usually end up regretting it. And the rest of us are watching on saying to ourselves “yeah, fuck that”.

    4. You are focused on the wrong things in your 20's. This is a huge factor. Women who are focused on career in their 20s to the exclusion of efforts to find a good mate are setting themselves u for failure in their 30s. Women seem to have this misconception today that men value the same things in women that women value in men. We do NOT. When you prioritize your career above love and family, this will sound harsh but it is unfeminine and unattractive. Men are not intimidated by women like that, as women seem to like to tell themselves. Men simply find those women unattractive.

    I think part of the problem is that women take for granted the sexual value that comes easily to them in their 2os, and the power that comes with it. Women essentially have all the power in the dating world in their teens and twenties. But around the time they turn 30, the tables completely turn and it is men who hold all the cards. Women lose that sexual value because their beauty fades quickly. At the same time single men suddenly become much more attractive because they have matured, their careers have developed, they are earning good money and they are stable men…all the things women find irresistible. Those good single 30-something men now have the pick of women their own age plus younger women who also find them very attractive. It leaves 30-something women in a very difficult spot, and their poor choices and bad priorities in their 20s suddenly come back to bite them hard.

    5. Your dating profile sucks! Yeah, this is an issue but I think it is equally prevalent among both women and men