Why you don't need to hurry with finding a boyfriend

[Anonymous]

Yes, we all know how it is. We all want someone to cuddle, someone to kiss, someone that will always be by your side... but is it all really what it seems? Maybe there are some reasons why it would be better if we'd just be patient and wait. It can save us a lot of problems and heartbreaks. Here I'll give you the main reasons why you should never hurry with finding yourself a boyfriend:

1. Relationships that start too fast will also end fast.

This is one of the most common scenarios that happen when someone hurries love. If you just enter a relationship with whoever without getting to know them first and without really thinking through if that guy is right for you, it is more likely that this relationship will fail. You will feel incompatible, and you'll just know that all of this was a mistake. Or that guy may actually be a jerk disguised as a nice person, which will result in a big heartbreak for you...

2. Many guys at a young age will feel like you don't even need to exist.

The reason? Because for many young guys, their friends are the only thing that counts, and as long as he has male friends, the girlfriend is just ''there'', if you know what I mean. She exists, but she doesn't have a deeper meaning for the guy, and therefore it would make no difference for him if she didn't even exist at all. This behavior in young men is especially visible considering how popular the saying ''bros before hoes'' is, and how many teenage boys often feel PROUD of DITCHING a date with their girlfriend just to play video games with his ''bros''. And nope, what I'm saying isn't that men should always prioritise their girlfriends over their friends. I am just saying that if you HEAVILY prefer your friends over your girlfriend, to the point that she doesn't even need to exist, there is no point in entering the relationship in the first place. And the sad truth is that most women will actually prioritise their boyfriends over their friends, even at a young age. So it is just unfair for us women when our boyfriends are the most important things ever, and meanwhile they treat us like trash.

3. You may not even be ready for a relationship.

Yes, I get it. Everyone is different. BUT it often happens that someone who isn't really ready for a relationship enters a relationship, it ends with themselves being hurt or their partner being hurt. Relationships often mean that you need the ability to solve problems with other people, and you need to be conscious of the fact that you may often get into arguments with your partner. If you feel like you cannot stand it, you aren't ready for a relationship. And entering a relationship will just be a hassle for you. To save yourself the hassle, better wait until you feel more responsible and mature.

4. And last but not least, SEX

Unfortunately, many young people, not specifically men, are sex-starved and have an extremely high sex drive. There are also many young people who just aren't ready for having sex. It can be hard for someone who isn't ready to find a compatible partner, as today's society is very sex-obsessed, and you cannot just get rid of your partner's sex-drive. Also, later on you might regret the fact that you had sex with someone you didn't really like, if it happens that you break up after a short time. So, make sure that you really are ready for sex and that you plan on having sex with someone that you really want to have sex with. You may also consider waiting for a while until hormones aren't going crazy inside people's bodies and they will actually be willing to wait for you when it comes to sexual stuff.

[errorgoodnameunfound]

Why you don't need to hurry with finding a girlfriend

1. Relationships that start too fast will also end fast.

This is one of the most common scenarios that happen when someone hurries love. If you just enter a relationship with whoever without getting to know them first and without really thinking through if that gal is right for you, it is more likely that this relationship will fail. You will feel incompatible, and you'll just know that all of this was a mistake. Or that gal may actually be a jerk disguised as a nice person, which will result in a big heartbreak for you...

2. Many gals at a young age will feel like you don't even need to exist.

The reason? Because for many young gals, their friends are the only thing that counts, and as long as she has female friends, the boyfriend is just ''there'', if you know what I mean. He exists, but he doesn't have a deeper meaning for the gal, and therefore it would make no difference for her if he didn't even exist at all. This behavior in young women is especially visible considering how popular the saying ''chicks before dicks'' is, and how many teenage girls often feel PROUD of DITCHING a date with their boyfriend just to watch a soap opera with her ''bffs''. And nope, what I'm saying isn't that women should always prioritise their boyfriends over their friends. I am just saying that if you HEAVILY prefer your friends over your boyfriend, to the point that he doesn't even need to exist, there is no point in entering the relationship in the first place. And the sad truth is that most men will actually prioritise their girlfriends over their friends, even at a young age. So it is just unfair for us men when our girlfriends are the most important things ever, and meanwhile they treat us like trash.

3. You may not even be ready for a relationship.

It often happens that someone who isn't really ready for a relationship enters a relationship, it ends with themselves being hurt or their partner being hurt. Relationships often mean that you need the ability to solve problems with other people, and you need to be conscious of the fact that you may often get into arguments with your partner. If you feel like you cannot stand it, you aren't ready for a relationship. And entering a relationship will just be a hassle for you. To save yourself the hassle, better wait until you feel more responsible and mature.

4. And last but not least, SEX

Unfortunately, many young people, not specifically women, are sex-starved and have an extremely high sex drive. There are also many young people who just aren't ready for having sex. It can be hard for someone who isn't ready to find a compatible partner, as today's society is very sex-obsessed, and you cannot just get rid of your partner's sex-drive. Also, later on you might regret the fact that you had sex with someone you didn't really like, if it happens that you break up after a short time. So, make sure that you really are ready for sex and that you plan on having sex with someone that you really want to have sex with. You may also consider waiting for a while until hormones aren't going crazy inside people's bodies and they will actually be willing to wait for you when it comes to sexual stuff.

[zollo]

About the second part, I think especially when it's younger women they can also tend to prioritize their boyfriends over their friends and even family. Both parties fall stupidly in "Love" or what they think is love and stay sort of blind to the outside world. A lot of my friends have done that and so has my sister, both times I had talks with them about how they basically just ditched me and it was always resolved. I think the older you the the more stable the relationship dynamic becomes.

[errorgoodnameunfound]

@zollo Exactly. I do this kinda thing all the time where I take a mytake and just gender flip the words. 90% of the time, it STILL makes perfect sense and gets people agreeing. Guys and gals are both guilty of BS. Thank you for not losing it over this bc usually people do.

[PonyCarGirl98]

@errorgoodnameunfound True. It totally goes both ways! @zollo I COMPLETELY agree

[beefy40]

dating in between 16 -24 are the fun years. Once that's over most people are done and have to grow up. aka get a good job, home, think of raising kids. If you think you can be single until your 30-35 you have been lied too. The funs are important too, it's the years you look back on with your partner. They help keep a bond going on for the rest of your marriage. I'm not saying you pick anyone, but I think the whole "30" is the new 18 is bullshit.

[MissDawn7961]

your the one who has been lied to ! I know of lots of people who are over 50 and single so your either a real liar or are to ignorant to know what real is ! thanks

[heybay22]

i hope you're right i wanna be cuffed before 30... im 21... :(

[myTake Owner]

That's something I've never heard of before... people usually say the max age of being single is around 25

[Stephen_77]

@MissDawn7961 Yes, miserable people that can't find a partner.

[Fleur62]

Just because lots of people are doing something doesn't mean it's right. I imagine the average single woman over 40 isn't as happy as the average married woman over 40. You seem to be evidence of that, Dawn. Happy people are usually busy being content in life, not telling others on the internet that it's ok to make the same decisions as you did.

[Daniela1982]

Girls today think that they have to give in to sex, even though they aren't ready, in order to get a boyfriend. It's sad that having a boyfriend seems to be for status instead of friendship and support, and that a girl would feel like a loser without one. I have no idea why even having a boyfriend is even wanted at a young age when dating should be fun and getting to know people and not getting tied down by any one boy because he is the first one she dates. I don't get it.

[Jamie05rhs]

I understand what you're saying, Daniela. But I actually do get why people would want that. The teen years are rough. I think a lot of people want to be in a relationship because they want someone they can lean on for support and someone who will have their back and be there for them during the hard times. It also boosts self-esteem knowing that you're seen as valuable.

[Daniela1982]

@Jamie05rhs But it is not worth it if you feel you are being forced into sex in order to have a guy. And let's face it, most guys will be looking for sex as part of the deal saying "If you won't I can find plenty of girls that will." Kind of like blackmail if you ask me.

[Jamie05rhs]

Oh. I honestly wasn't thinking about the sex angle. I was just referring to relationships in general.

But you're right.

[GR00VY]

Exactly...

[jkm1864]

Many guys at a young age will feel like you don't even need to exist.

You have to be fucking kidding right? At a young age the majority of guys are completely invisible to women because the women are chasing after the same cookie cutter douche bag men. You guys ignore this little fact and then You ask stupid questions on where have all the good men gone. I'll tell You where all the good men are they are busting their ass building a career in hopes that one day one woman comes along and deems them worthy enough to mate with Her. This fact is so blatantly obvious because if it wasn't true then Christofer collumbus wouldn't have been able to find a crew to find the new world, there would be no inventions, and humanity would have ceased any form of cultural or scientific advancement because what primarily drives innovation is men in their desperation to find love. Women on the other hand have it much easier because they are given everything the need for love right from mother nature for free.

[wellendowedwonder]

I agree whole heartily woman pick the bad guy more often than not. And then act surprised that he wasn't mister right

[jkm1864]

@wellendowedwonder Yeah and when they finally mature enough for a family then they expect and good man and it never dawns on them that good men deserve good women not trashy women.

[Fleur62]

If you're a man, you're able to remain desirable even as you age by gaining skills, wealth, resources and connections. You have the opportunity to sleep around, experiment, play games and have fun. You can still be desirable to women even when you're in your 50's or 60's if you're successful and accomplished, and men can continue to produce functional sperm into their 80's. While people are varied in what they find attractive, there's far greater attraction to older men among women than there is for older women among men. If you're a man and you have value, you're in an excellent position to do as you please.

If you're a woman, you still have a few years where you can enjoy yourself, but at the end of the day you're on a timer. If you're interested in having kids and a long term relationship, you need to have those things sorted out before you're thirty. Over your thirties your desirability to men drastically decreases, and the likelihood of your child having some kind of birth defect such as a predisposition to mental illnesses increases dramatically. Part of the increase in the rates of autism is due to women having children at an older age on average. There will still be men who want you in your thirties but on average they'll be of noticeably lower quality and desirability, and as you progress through your thirties it'll be like hitting a wall. Having seen my Aunt's alcohol tantrums, I'd suggest not being too carefree in your early years.

[jkm1864]

You guys keep talking about a wall but lets face it even horrible butt ugly women can get laid in their 40's because men really are that desperate. I on the other hand won't settle but there are plenty of men whom will gladly fuck Jabba the Hutt or the Crypt Keeper.

[Fleur62]

@jkm1864 That's not to say women can't have sex at that age, but the quality of man available to them drastically decreases. If a man's desperate enough to fuck Jabba the Hut, do you really think he's a quality man?

[G3tAClue]

We live in an instant gratification society where people are not willing to waiting anymore for what is good for them. But I do agree with you for the most part. Dating for the sake of dating when it’s not with the right person (and you know he’s not the right person for you) can he toxic and destructive in your life.


Many guys do not mature until their 30s and you end up wasting a lot of time and energy you could have used doing other things. I’m really 28 and my first boyfriend was at 23. He WRECKED my life and it took me years to heal from the damage he did to me. A couple years after that, I continued dating even though I knew I shouldn’t. Finally, last year I decided to stop dating for a while and focus on myself. That is when I met the love of my life. It was unexpected and obvious at the same time.


See, I wasn’t ready to date until I was able to admit I needed to be alone. I think the maturity to recognize that meant I was ready to date again.


Anyways, waiting for the right person feels amazing once you meet them. I would have never dated anyone else before him if I knew I’d have met him last year.


So lesson to younger girls, be smart and don’t let your need for a boyfriend make you give away your body to men who don’t deserve it.

[lilsezza101]

I didn't loose my virginity and get my 1st boyfriend until I was 24. He turned out to be an abusive prick so it's put me off dating again but i do miss the company and actually feeling wanted.

All my friends are now aged 25-28 i am now 26 either have babies or moving in with their partners and all engaged. Makes me feel a bit lonely but im terrfied of going through all that abuse again. But i know not every guy is the same.

Just hope im not completly undateable because I've never done the casual hook up thing

[Unit1]

These sound more like excuses to stay single (and to feel good about it) rather than addressing the problems of finding a loving partner taking so long.

Nein. You want a boyfriend/girlfriend? Go out and date around! Ask men/women out. Or keep delaying that. Possibly until infinity.

[Kitty46]

I want a boyfriend someday, but I don’t want to rush into a relationship. I want to get to know the guy good. But I cannot meet men in my town, they not interested. I have to do online dating, I just joined another dating app Coffee Meet Bagel few days ago.

[_SOARER]

Amazing. It's super refreshing to read this. This is 100% on point.
Dont rush things ladies!
This advice is pretty good for guys too tbh.
Thanks for writing this. Hopefully this helps some ladies rethink their decisions so they can be more prudent in the future ❤

[DiegoO]

I wish my ex taked that into account. She didn't, and now, I am not sure how she is standing, if she became wiser or not. Is not that I care, well, I still do, a bit (not like before).

It's just sad to see someone (with who you shared your life), craving for a relationship, little after (a few months) they breakup. I always thought she was gonna give herself more time.

[asshole_]

If you are young, you don't need to hurry, yes, true but, as we get older, we start to worry about our inability to no longer be able to reproduce naturally, as in have a biological child. So, while the QA is SORT of true, it's not totally true. So, and especially girls, I suggest you start looking for men, ASAP

[asshole_]

@amlishalura reported as spam

[JuliaStyles]

Because girls think that if they don't have sex with a guy they will never have a boyfriend. WTF? Really? Wouldn't you rather have no boyfriend than a manipulating douche bag who only wants you for your body, not your mind?

[Dargil]

Dammit!! You are ruining it for players, predators and hit-and-runs. Just not fair!They deserve immediate, unconditional pussy! How dare you hold back?

[PeterAyre]

It's better to wait and not dive into a relationship definitely. To be patient, selective and cautious. To go at your pace and not anyone elses 100%

[1truekhaleesi]

I agree. Every time I rushed into a relationship, I just got really hurt and had to go to a therapist.

[toluthompson]

Is better to be patient before jumpimg into a relationship becasue at the end the guy may just dump you or something or one will be heat broken. So that why you need to be patient before jumping into relationship

[infinitybreaker2018]

Seems most girls I know get married within 6-8 months of meeting someone, and they are somehow making it work

[zagor]

5. There are too many people on the planet and by not reproducing you are doing us all a favor.

[Browneye57]

Reasonable. By why anonymous? It makes your take lack credibility. What are you so afraid of? Ashamed of?

[OddBeMe]

Yes, agreed! And having sex too early is an issue. I’m not a milkmade but I read a lot of posts from people regretting their first time or they feel manipulated.

[Stephen_77]

Well you know what they say, "Misery loves company." So because you're lonely and miserable you want every other woman to be lonely and miserable as well.

[MissDawn7961]

Stephen_77 - your the one making others miserable ! thanks

[Stephen_77]

@MissDawn7961 Another miserable female

[Melissssssa05]

Just a waste of time, too much drama is involved too