Man trying to manipulate me, sinister?

[Anonymous]

I am a mixing engineer in music. I’ve actually surprisingly had a very good experience with men in my industry. I am 30, and in my early 20s I obviously met some whacky men but mostly successful kind people:

recently I’ve met this man who works in the rock and roll industry.. I’m in hiphop - and pop. We got to talking about music , and everything was platonic and professional ; I was excited because I have never had the opportunity to work on that side of the industry. Randomly I get a text one day that he’s depressed ; so I said , generically and kindly , “our industry is difficult , if you ever just want to vent and say whatever - I’m cool” , he randomly sends me two audio messages telling me his wife before he married her , was never into s*x , that he has been fooling around with an artist he’s been recording with , and that they spent nights in Nashville hotels together - and that he’s been doing this for five years and he can’t stand it because the girl got a boyfriend - and won’t bother with him”

So I respond and say , sorry but I don’t like this kind of mess in my life nor should you ; you should probably stay at home and just not be about that type of nonsense. Since then he hasn’t really bothered with me and if he does and I respond he’ll leave the message on read even if it’s work related. He’ll reach out to me just to leave me on read.

I am very insulted and disgusted by this and would like to know how I can handle this professionally.. I don’t think he expected the response I gave and he has been acting horrific since!

[Oliverlogan263]

Ah man, that's super messed up and unprofessional of that guy. Sharing all that personal drama out of nowhere is a huge red flag.

I'd just keep your conversations with him strictly about work if you have to interact at all. Don't engage with any personal stuff - shut it down right away if he brings it up. Be polite but keep it brief and stay guarded.

You could also subtly let other colleagues know, especially any females, that he opened up in a strange/inappropriate way to you so they watch out. Frame it as a heads up, not trying to stir drama.

And don't be afraid to escalate it further if he keeps harassing you - talk to your manager or someone above his pay grade. No one should have to deal with that creepy manipulative BS at work.

You handled it right by not entertaining it, girl. Now just cover your ass professionally and keep your distance as much as his position allows. Dude clearly has some issues - don't let him drag you into the mess! You got this.

[TommyMountainFigure]

You were a bit naive in the first place to say what you said.. I know you meant it in a generic sense, but a LOT of people in your industry are manic depressive.. and also don't give 2 hoots about cheating. Hence the naivety.
How do you proceed then, Well you could say to him.. When I offered to help I had no idea you had so many problems. I wasn't prepared or equipped to handle anything so serious.
Something like that.

[TommyMountainFigure]

Thank you for MHO, and I also hope you can come to some form of professional compromise with him, whereby he doesn't treat you badly any more.