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Me and my partner had a fight 11 days ago now. We both were in the wrong and both apologised to each other. I’m completely over the fight at this point but my partner is still cooling down. I’m getting frustrated with him a bit because I feel like it’s a long time especially when I’m over it and want to forget it.
He just says he finds it hard to move on from fights and let things go. He also won’t have sex with me or any other affection while he’s annoyed. Am I wrong to feel angry he takes so long? I can’t forget about the fight because he’s still sulking about it, it just drives me crazy.
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
2Opinion
Yes, you are VERY wrong. Let me tell you why:-
You are over it and want to forget it.. That is fine, because you came to that conclusion in your own time. Surely he must be afforded the same thing. He cannot help it if he takes longer to get over something than you..
OK, let me put this another way. Supposing he got over it in one day, would it be fair to you if he then got angry with you for not being over it yet? Because despite the 1 day to 11 day difference, it is EXACTLY the same thing!
So you think it’s reasonable to need 2 weeks to cool down from a fight that we both played a part in? To me that’s almost holding a grudge or punishing me. I just don’t think anyone legitimately stays angry for that long. I’m sure if it was the other way around he would get tired of me taking so long to get over a fight. So if he stayed angry for a month that’s fair because that’s how long he takes to get over it? And I just wait and keep wondering is he over it yet , is he still mad.
I try to be patient but I don’t see how I’m wrong here. If someone actually can’t let things go or let fights go that seems like a problem to me. It’s unforgiving. I was also mad at him
Listen to me a second. I get you are spitting blood with anger at the moment. I'd be a fool to ignore that, but you skipped over everything I said. Particularly the last paragraph. You took as long as you needed to heal from it, entirely at your own pace, but you are angry with him because you don't see him as being honest about it. You think he is doing it purely to punish you. So what if he is? It is his right, SAME right you have if you wanted it to take a month to get over it, or 2 months. The VERY bottom line is, when you have a fight with a loved one, you don't get to decide when they should be over it!
I read everything you said I just don’t agree with it. Literally no one I know would be okay with their partner staying mad at them for weeks over a fight. If someone cheated or something really bad then yes I can understand that. And no one has the right to punish their partner for a fight they ALSO were wrong in. Actually punishing in a relationship shouldn’t be a thing at all. I just don’t see it as normal to stew and hold onto anger for that long.
How long did it take you to get over?
A couple of days , once we spoke about it and both apologised I let it go and wasn’t angry.
Ok so if he's have come to you after 20 minutes and said he was over it and you wasn't.. How would you have treated him? Bear in mind you are in the same position now as he would have been then?
There’s a big difference between 20 mins and 11 days. I don’t think I’m being unreasonable. I’ve been patient but almost 2 weeks is a freaking long time to hold onto a fight
I'm not for one second saying you are a bad person, but you and I will never agree on this.
@TommyMountainFigure I disagree buddy, if it was over something stupid/small , bro is acting like a girl by holding a grudge. Couples spend a lot of time together so naturally they are going to fight. You should be prepared for that going into a relationship. Knowing the other person is going to stay mad for ridiculous amount of time makes the other person not want to address any issue/voice an opinion because they don't want to deal with it. It's manipulative in a way.
Imagine your partner gets into an accident and you spent the last two weeks you had together being mad at them about something stupid. Especially when they probably weren't 100% in the right either.
@sirderpsalot123 If it was over something trivial, then yes , but we don't know WHAT it was about, it could have been something serious. At least that is what I pictured when I answered the question. Maybe that is where the discrepancy between answers are coming from.
@Asker Could you shed some light on what the fight was about? If not, was it something trivial or serious?
@TommyMountainFigure He's still with her so it couldn't have been that bad.
Basically he said something rude, called me stupid and I wanted to stand up for myself so I called him out on it and got a bit angry at him. I didn’t say anything bad I just said I’m not taking the rude comments. Then he got angry back at me so that was the fight. We both were probably wrong. He even admitted I was right to stand up for myself. That’s the summary of the fight
Ok I thought one of you was threatening to leave the other or something along those lines. In light of when you've said now. I will admit I was wrong in defending him. This is excessive!
@sirderpsalot123 Do we know that he is?
Well, "me and my partner" implies he's still with her, lol...
if you feel you are not compatible with his ways of dealing with disagreements, talk to him, show him your perspective
but if it doesn't work... you can't force him to act differently... so it's on you if you can wait for him and deal with this longer time of getting over it or not...
That would also piss me off