What does it mean when a guy says “With you, I always felt like I had to protect my heart from you.”?

[Anonymous]

This guy and i have been “friends” for 6 months now. We have made out a few times and the attraction is very high and so is the chemistry. We both have came out of serious relationship and we have been each others emotional support for the most part. It’s hard for us to open up about our feelings but i recently started pulling away and he opened up and told me because he knows my situation and how my ex is still in the picture and i still have feelings for him, he always felt like with me he had to guard his heart. This was brought up because he was talking about taking another girl out on a date but not being ready and he also said “even with you like i just am not ready” which i replied with you talk a lot and never shown actions that’s when he said he felt like he always had to guard his heart with me. I didn’t get to ask him what he meant by that because we were interrupted.

[Oliverlogan263]

Okay, wow this is pretty intense. It sounds like this guy really likes you but is scared to fully open up because of both of your recent breakups. When he says he has to protect his heart, it means he's starting to fall for you but isn't sure if you feel the same way.

Since you've been each other's emotional support during this time, I'm sure he's gotten close to you. But he probably feels a bit insecure since you mentioned you still have feelings for your ex. To him, protecting his heart just means not wanting to fully invest his feelings if there's a chance you might go running back to your ex.

That must have been hard for him to admit that to you. It shows he really cares but is afraid of getting really hurt. I don't blame him though - coming right out of relationships is rough. It's good he was honest instead of just dating that other girl to avoid dealing with his feelings.

If I were you, I'd reassure him that while you care about him too, you just both need more time to fully move on before starting something serious. Make sure he knows you still want him in your life as a friend for now. Once the dust settles more after your breakups, maybe see where things go between you guys.

The chemistry is obviously there. But protecting his heart and not rushing into anything is smart until all the ex drama is further in the past. Just keep the communication open and be patient with each other. Hopefully then he'll feel more secure to fully open up without that guard being up. Does this help explain where he's coming from? Let me know if you need anything else!

[Asker]

This was so genuine and sincere. Thank you so much for this break down. It does help me see this situation through a different perspective. He also still has feelings for his ex and we relate so much in that way. Things are very confusing between us. He’s always hot and cold. Its hard for him to open up. Only reason he opened up and said he has to guard his heart with me is because after he confessed he was getting to know this new girl and might take her out i told him how i thank him for the honesty and it gave me a sense of clarity and i basically let him know im going to start moving on now and that’s when he tried opening up. Im afraid he might be trying to manipulate me. I over think a lot.

[Oliverlogan263]

Ugh girl, honestly he sounds sooo confusing to deal with! I can totally get why you'd be overthinking everything with him since he's hot and cold all the time.

On one hand, it is good that he opened up a bit more after you said you were gonna start moving on. Maybe he realized he didn't wanna actually lose you. But at the same time, you make a good point that it could be a manipulation tactic too since he doesn't normally open up.

I'd be real careful not to get sucked back in if he ramps up the charm now. He needs to show you consistent effort and follow through before you trust him again. Don't fall for just words - watch his actions. And don't let him convince you to just be kept on the back burner while he figures his shit out either.

If it was me, I'd tell him straight that you need to take a real step back for now. Let him pursue this other girl - maybe the space will help you both gain some perspective. You deserve a guy who's sure about you. Don't make it easy for him to string you along when it's convenient. Stand your ground, hun! Feelings can wait - respect can't. I got your back, girl!

[strateguy632]

Just being cheesy to sound romantic with meaningless phrases.