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We were childhood sweethearts. He would follow me around then. Growing up, after my serious relationship, I went to him coz I was lonely in college and needed a good friend. Soon it became a toxic cycle.
He flourished on my consent. He wants me to be agreeable. Like he wants me to agree to eat cheese but don't buy. Similarly he wants me to meet him but doesn't turn up, He wants us to have sex but doesn't do the deed. Moreover he seeks proof. Proof of me being faithful to him or going to the place where he wants to meet me. He always doubts if Im cheating on him. While all this is true, we were never in a relationship.
Neither does he talk to me much, until he fears loosing me. Disrespect is extreme. Consent for sex was on his terms and never on mine. My values and feelings were unappreciated.
So I tried talking to his friends who seem to have no idea about his parents, home or anyone there. He is introvert, yet people who visit him at house has no idea about his past. Somewhere when I try to connect he would say 'I don't remember' to evade. Looks a ghost identity.
I left him, to meet with cold response. He would try his best to break the dates, if that was with common friends. When I hooked up, he lost temper and was yelling at me for days. we were at movies by accident, sitting next to each other like strangers. But definitely can feel intense anger and rage. Also recently, he turns off read receipts, only to me and turns one when I ghost.
Nobody seems to understand me when I say he is toxic to an extend coz for all, he is a very sweet guy. Also they all believe in his extensive lies purely.
We are colleagues. Others seem to hate him. Somewhere they all don't hang out with him or talk. They find him slightly different and don't want to be around. His promotion is on hold coz of behaviour and poor peer rating.
But I do see him looking at me all the time and they all suspect something between us.
How to ask to seek therapy at least for workplace?
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
2Opinion
Girl I would not recommend confronting him directly about seeking therapy. A person like that could become volatile if accused or backed into a corner. Here's what I would gently suggest instead:
Express your concern for his well-being and career. Mention that you've noticed some behavior patterns that seem to isolate him from others. Suggest that therapy could help him improve workplace relationships and get that promotion he wants. Make it about helping him, not criticizing.
Also emphasize that you only want the best for both of you as colleagues, and want things to be drama-free at work. Say things have felt tense lately and therapy could provide tools to manage that in a healthy way.
Be very cautious though. Don't meet with him alone privately ever. Keep any interactions in public spaces on work premises where there are witnesses, just in case. Make it clear your priority is a respectful professional environment.
And trust your gut - if he gets angry or lashes out at the suggestion, don't push it. You've done what you can do from a safe distance. Ultimately he has to want help himself. Just take care of you first, okay sis? Let me know if you need anything else.
Has he told you he's been diagnosed a psychopath? Why are you still dating him?
Anyway, if he has any type of ASPD, it will be unlikely that he agrees to therapy. Because people on an ASPD spectrum just don't care enough about improving their condition.
He behaves like one. Plus nobody in our workplace are keen on him. Like even for coffee, they don't ask him to join. Seems sus. Noone ever likes him there. As I mentioned I stopped dating him.
Plus the whole thing of looking at me from far at work has often caught the management attention.
Maybe you should ask for a department transfer or shift change if you can since he makes you feel uncomfortable
We both work in the same position. Even if asked, yet we would be on the same floor. It's not about me being uncomfortable but the whole idea of others thinking there is something between us. Considering all disliking him, that is a huge burden. Plus his promotion being on hold due to poor peer rating is something that makes the situation even more uncomfortable. Also he can't stand the fact that I am liked by all and many boys in the office has a crush on me.
If he doesn't change, there is a good chance the workplace will turn bad for both of us.
Just tell him that you have felt tension between each other during work hours and that you have searched on ways to fix it and thought therapy was the best idea from the suggestions you saw, tell him that you'll be going to therapy even if it's not true just so he won't feel singled out and freak out and create a bigger mess (sometimes white lies are needed in situations like these, if he really does turn out to have an antisocial personality disorder you have to be pretty careful in how you interact with him and keep contact at work minimal and cordial). Tell him you would like a professional coworker relationship for the good of the workplace, it will benefit both of you. But I'd tell him through text.
Thankyou soo much for the advice. I think he would shout at me then and there if I ask him to go to therapy. But I will. Considering that is best for safe work environment.
Write sms n dump n block.