Why does my guy friend not have romantic feelings for me if he likes me and is attracted to me?

[Anonymous]

He tells me all the time how special and sexy and beautiful I am every day every five minutes and always wants me to sit on his lap and he hugs me from behind all the time, always holds my hand and kisses it when he is driving, always tries to do me favours, tells me I’m his favorite person etc. When we can’t see each other for two days he starts complaining how much he misses me but he says he could never imagine a relationship with me because he doesn’t have romantic feelings for me. Am I the crazy one or why is he so contradictory? He is in general very reliable and sweet but I can’t understand why he friendzones me if he liked my personality and my looks

[bobalife]

I know it is going to be tough hearing the truth... but you can't force someone to have romantic feelings if they don't. He can do all of these things with you physically, do things to get your attention (plus men like to say whatever a girl wanna hear to keep her interested), and tell you that you are attractive because it is like friends with benefits (with affection and with or w/o sex) with someone they're in lust with, but not in love with. He directly told you there is no romantic feelings aka he does not want to be in a relationship with you and there is no romantic future for the both of you. In that moment, you should hold onto your dignity with self-respect to stop doing what you're doing because he's wasting your time when you are invested in him.

It is confusing because it is called "mixed signals." I think it is hard for you to accept and see because you have feelings for him or at least in this cycle for too long. Once you step away from your feelings, then, you'll realize someday that you're hoping for something that isn't going to happen and should only treat him as a "friend" unless you are okay being strung along with the label as friends while giving him girlfriend treatment of free affections. I suggest trying to move on and find someone who wants a relationship with you, not only for his lonely convenience.

And girl, a guy can BS there's nobody else... but he has other side chicks w/o wanting you to know to keep you there, or he really can't get any girl. But the bottom line is that he already says he doesn't want to be romantic relationship with you...

I can find anyone physically attractive w/o having any romantic interest that they're the person I want to be with in the future.

[Asker]

Yeah but we were pen pals befor for 5 years without seeing each other so it’s not like he only considers me hot. And also I don’t believe in friends with benefits. You’re either friends or your having an affair

[bobalife]

Unfortunately it sounds like you are in denial and defending this fella. Sure you were "pen pals" but your question is based on present time in how he is treating you and what he is saying. Not everything is black and white. You are just friends doing the benefits of "affections" as far as you have disclosed. There is no affair going on as far as you are aware and told. You may not believe in benefits, which is fine. But how he is treating you is just for his convenience of lust/lonesome and nothing more. So, going back to your question - there is no romantic feelings, but only physical attraction.

[Account]

It isn't contradictory It also took me way too long to realize that people can have feelings of lust, get along with the other person and even like their presence, yet they are unable to see them in a romantic way.

I can't have feelings of lust towards someone I don't see in a romantic way, therefore I could not understand how that could be possible, even when my friends explained how it works numerous times.
Perhaps you are similar to me.

[Asker]

But it’s more than getting along. He tells me I’m his favorite person and always wants to spent time with me

[itsannalee]

He just likes to touch u, and not interested to have any commitment with u. Maybe he has another woman, or someone he has a crush on.


Respect yourself, don’t let any guy touchs you without any commitment. Move on, he just hangs you on, and u will get hurt.

[Asker]

He told me he doesn’t have a crush on anyone at the moment. I’ve been at staying at his house and all he does is work, come home and spend time with me

[itsannalee]

Know one knows 🤷🏽‍♀️

[Asker]

If he likes me as a person and also considers me attractive why doesn’t he want more?

[itsannalee]

Just because someone tells u attractive doesn’t mean they like u in romantic way. Come on! U are adult, don’t be naive.

I find a lot of my guy friends attractive, doesn’t mean i would like to have any romatic relationship to them. It just same like i find CR7 is attractive.

[Asker]

Yeah but your not friends with cr7 for years and tell him that he is your favorite person

[itsannalee]

I’m not friend with cr7 but i’m friends with my friends who are attractive for me, cr7 just sample that how i look to people who are attractive.

He just play with u, move on.

[Asker]

He told me he thought I would consider him only a friend too

[FreyaRed]

You're pump and dump material for him and he tells openly your shouldn't imagine any future with him. Enjoy the time as long it lasts, I assure this turns out to be boring very soon.

[Asker]

We’ve known each other for 5 years

[NOTHINGEVERHAPPENS]

He’s playing games.

[Asker]

What kind of games? What is his goal. We have been pen pals for 5 years and we texted every day despite him not knowing what I looked like.

[NOTHINGEVERHAPPENS]

Stupid games. The goals don’t matter. Just walk away from people who send mixed messages like that.

[Asker]

But why would he text me non stop for five years if he didn’t like Me?

[NOTHINGEVERHAPPENS]

You’re trying to make sense out of a situation that doesn’t make sense.