Need solid advice…What happened here? ?

[Anonymous]

Long story short..

I talked to a guy and let him know in the beginning that I wasn’t looking for anything.. I told him my emotional wellbeing is a priority and that I’m not looking for sex or a relationship BUT we could talk until he moved… I was guarded and kind of wanted to push him away… I also post sexy pics…

I gave him a hard time but I felt he was logical and patient.. he wanted to know the safest way to talk to me and he said he didn’t want the whole placeholder thing… he said more sweet nothings like “I shouldn’t punish everyone for someone else’s sin”

I told him I was willing to take things slow… and that’s when he pulled back and I confronted him.. he said he was being careful..

He admitted that he felt that I was unstable before the date but it wasn’t in a rude way…we went on a date it Flopped a bit … we both could have done better.. I could have talked more and explained my situation more and he talked about my pics and just said things that hurt a bit… asked when I was last intimate. He just didn’t seem that interested and I wanted to wait until marriage for sex

he ghosted me

He was playing you

Just wanted sex

Actually liked you

Manipulated/ coerced

Not attracted to me

He can do better

Other

[MisterWack]

“ He just didn’t seem that interested and I wanted to wait until marriage for sex
he ghosted me “
1) If he wasn’t interested to begin with, it wasn’t going to work out.
2) He ghosted you, so who cares the reason just be glad you can focus on a real relationship and he can focus on finding someone he is actually interested in. Win win.

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

"he felt that I was unstable" that statement alone is enough for him to move away and, it's really not against you, it's really for him, we can assume the best and say he thinks about his well-being too, or assume the worst and say he didn't care at all. But, given your description, it sounds to me like he was really protecting himself.

[Asker]

Protecting himself against what exactly? Because even if that’s true.. why the insults and put down?

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

Insults? Then your description of his behaviour, in this situation, would need some more elements. You didn't mention that I think

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

Anticipating what you didn't say yet, protecting oneself from someone voicing or exhibiting instability is pretty logical, when you care for your well-being, you're doing this too. And if not, then you should :)

[Asker]

I mean he did a total 180 on the date

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

People's behaviours are not always understandable, not always rational, not always smart. Not even diplomatic. What can I say, you can bring the topic with him, who knows?

[Asker]

It hurt… and now he’s talking to high caliber women…

Like how could he make me a little safe in the beginning and then do that

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

I don't see "caliber" in people, you're probably comparing things that don't compare at all because you are a bit down, a bit misjudging yourself maybe.

But okay, let's look at it like this, it's the first phase of a relation you lived. In this first phase everyone can be genuinely interested, genuinely caring. But at the end of this phase everyone can choose, to stay, or to go away, depending on what happened. You had expectations, you are disappointed, I get it, but that's how things are

[Asker]

I’m just still so attached after 8 months… I still feel confused… did he play me… did he just want sex….

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

okay, DM me the whole story please because there are missing elements here that I'm grabbing bit by bit from you, it will be faster and clearer for me

[Summeroflove]

It could be any of those things or even a mixture possibly even something completely different.

At the end of the day, you rejected him first most dudes would have moved on after that. Just saying

[Asker]

Predators don’t

[Summeroflove]

Yeah people who can’t take no for a answer. That happens to people who play hard to get. They play stupid games and win stupid prizes.

Because the dudes they want move on. While the ones they genuinely are rejecting are the persistent ones

[Factualobserver]

Either be a slut or don't... don't send sexy pics and then say you don't want sex... I would have left too, I would respect the fact you want to wait until marriage, I think it's great. But if you're gunna be sending me pics, then clearly, you're not actually all that good after all.

[Asker]

No I didn’t send any pics and I’m keeping my v card for trauma based reasons

[Factualobserver]

It's just because you said you post sexy pics.. in that case he was probably trying to have sex with you. Men don't want to just meet up and talk about feelings in general.. unless it's with a close friend. Gotta be honest it sounds like you weren't worth the trouble. Probably depressed or bored him a little bit and may have felt like a waste of his time.. sometimes things don't work out. Go on another date, find someone with similar interests.

[Asker]

But that’s not fair to me… I was honest about my intentions. I didn’t deserve that tbh… I thought it was genuine

[Factualobserver]

But thats a lesson to learn. Nobody owes you anything, and people act like it all the time. Who is this person to you? He could have stopped talking to you for multiple reasons and yh tbh, he probably found it hard work. We all have the right to change our minds. No offence either. Just seems like one of those times ya gotta just go, well fuck it, and try again. He doesn't seem interested in what you're offering and that's totally OK!

[Asker]

What do you mean he found it hard work? He could have just said he wasn’t interested

[Asker]

He was a guy I was talking to

[molonski2]

He was not remotely interested , I've done similar on many occasions , when you just know you know , just let it go.

[Asker]

What do you mean remotely interested? Why go out… why put me through all that… I mean he’s dl anyway so it doesn’t matter

[noohair]

To start things with, " let him know in the beginning that I wasn’t looking for anything", it like building without any goal or foundation. There is no place to start, so I am not supprised that things did not go well.

[Asker]

Not necessarily…

[Staximus]

You said you were not looking for sex or a relationship, so what incentive did he have to stick around?

[Asker]

You ask him.. I let him know in the beginning so idk…

[Staximus]

Don't expect somebody to wait around forever for you to be ready for a relationship. Life is short.

[Anonymous]

He was interested in you, but he stared to lose the interest.

[Asker]

Doubt he was ever interested

[Opinion Owner]

Why else would he go on a date with you?

[Asker]

He wanted to use me..

[Opinion Owner]

For what?

[Asker]

Sex and I’m learning that he’s bisexual

[Opinion Owner]

Maybe he just didn't click with you. What does his sexuality have to do with that?

[Asker]

a lot BC WHY didn't HE TELL ME

[Opinion Owner]

Maybe he would have eventually.

[Asker]

No thank you lol I can see why he’s single at 37 and honestly it’s heartbreaking

He just really hurt me emotionally… finding out he likes trans women, finding out he likes male- male female porn , being a jerk, talking to other women he thinks is better than me. Like all of it… because I liked him a lot and wanted to be with him and he just did a 180 …

I told him I didn’t want to get hurt and that I was protecting my wellbeing… and he did the opposite. Yeah he didn’t care.

And no wonder he used to like the show house of cards… lmao

Looking at his twitter history there were signs

[LiamJHayden]

He probably decided that it was too much work. You might want to wait to date rather than "sort of" date,

[gatixek710]

He didn't want to put up with your bullshit.

[Asker]

He didn’t..

[OddBeMe]

Well he’s religious. So nah

[itsannalee]

He is tired

[Asker]

Doubt it

[Walksbehindtherows]

Is the man white?

[Asker]

… no why?

[Asker]

Why does it matter

[Walksbehindtherows]

I guessed the guy wasn't white

[Asker]

Why? Lol