Guys, How do I get his attention?

[Lostgirl611]

He used to talk to me. I don't know why he stopped. Now he just treats me like everyone else. If another attractive guy started flirting with me, would he be interested again? I heard that if a hot girl likes a "beta" then his worth goes up and then other girls might take notice. Is it the same way with guys?

[Summeroflove]

Well unfortunately you may have waited too long and he lost interest, found somebody else, or it could be anything. If you genuinely are into this dude then you need to take matters into your own hands.

If you want to get his attention be direct that you’re interested in him, is there a chance you’ll be rejected, the answer is yes, and the answer is always yes. But that’s your best shot at the end of the day if that happens you’ll have closure, you’ll not wonder whether it would have worked, and the most important thing is you won’t waste your time on him so you can move on and not make things awkward by flirting hoping he catches on.

If all you do is sit around and wait on somebody to approach you, you may get approached at times but maybe it isn’t the men you want approaching you, so you’re just limiting your own options by waiting as well as wasting time crushing on guys who many times end up with somebody else in the end. So there you are disappointed.

Crushes come and go, that’s why you need to act fast when you see signs of mutual interest because you don’t want one person to move on while the others still gushing over the other before realizing that, at this point that shipped has sailed.

If you want his attention you tell him how you feel and ask if he’s interested in getting to know one another on a deeper level. If he agrees try for a coffee date. A date is just getting to know one another and see if you’re compatible. Seeing if you’re who you made each other out to be, or if maybe this isn’t going to work out.

Again, possibility it doesn’t. Again, you have closure and aren’t wasting your time. You can honestly say that you tried that but he isn’t the right one for you and vice versa. So you can move on and start to fancy somebody else.

At the end of the day you’re not entitled for anybody to come up and approach you. Maybe it makes things easier if someone else just puts all the work in but anything real is equal effort. If you like someone show it because many of the people you’re into, so are other girls. Guess what? Some of them will show it if not directly throw themselves at him.

[Lostgirl611]

I see your point. But I also see these two points:

1. "What a man don't mind losing what he didn't work hard for. Any woman who throws herself easy at a man... like it could be something simple in the mind of a woman, like telling him you're interested... but in the mind of a man he could be like 'ok... that's nice... that's flattering... well let me see where this goes'... it's so easy that he may thing other things will come easy for him."

2."If you pursue him, you'll stifle the hunter and pursuer in him. There are things that a man learns when he initiates, there's leadership qualities when he is in the pursuit of a woman. If you help that butterfly out of that cocoon, you hinder that man from flying. Allow the supernatural work of God to bring that man from a caterpillar to a butterfly. I know you want to help him fly but if you help him, he won't have strength in his wings, then where is he going to take you? I know infatuation is blind, but love is not. Love is patient."

[Summeroflove]

Easy is being a slut. If you show genuine interest in someone and build a genuine connection that’s not easy….. It’s showing effort and dudes with options will move on eventually if someone doesn’t reciprocate the effort they put in

[Summeroflove]

Also you’re just making excuses and 90 percent of what you said is nonsense for most men.

At the end of the day if one persons showing interest while the others not one will move on 9/10.

I’m sorry if you want the answer you want to hear. You’re not gonna get it he point blank literally moved on because you waited too long. If you want him,…. Go talk to him. That’s the only way to get his attention back.

Otherwise cut your losses and don’t wait tok long next time. Pursuing someone should be equal both people should be pursuing the other. If it’s a “chase” the only people gonna chase are people who are too desperate and people playing games

[Summeroflove]

I’m sorry…. You waited too long and somehow you didn’t learn that and you keep spewing all of this stuff…. You have to wonder why dudes keep moving on. Attraction comes and goes and people not playing games want equal effort.

The people who won’t move on is obsessed people. It’s people who don’t have many other options. It’s people you don’t want.

If you wonder why dudes keep moving on it’s probably because you’re not reciprocating interest

[Summeroflove]

If you want to know what a lot of men want, I can’t speak for all men because all men are different so are all women I don’t know where people get we operate in a hive mind.

Most men want genuine love and companionship. People who play games like hard to get, hot & cold, etc. Any dude whose not just playing games himself and has other options will just move on and find someone who is genuinely interested in him.

Especially when he’s putting all the effort in and not getting much in return most dudes are just going to find somebody who puts the same effort into himself as he puts into her.

At the end of the day men who have options have a lot of choices. Just like a woman who has lots of options will pick the best one so will a man.

Sure you’ll get men who play these games. Men who are desperate. Men who can’t take the hint to fuck off are going to be the most persistent.

You’re begging and begging to know how to get this man back. If you want his attention then you’re going to have to approach. At this point it won’t be long and he will be with somebody else. You snooze you lose

[Lostgirl611]

I see GAG chose your answer as the best. But actually, I followed the advice you disagreed with: do not pursue him. The last two days the guy has said hi and has even tried to engage. However, after reading everyone's answer I made up my mind that if a guy is not willing to give me the time, then I should not let him have that much power over me and, like him, move on. I'm not sure if he's playing games but I do agree with you in one thing: move on. I don't have the emotional capacity or time to water it in things like this

[Lostgirl611]

*waste, not water😂

[Summeroflove]

Yes lol spell check. But you’re gonna find this to be with MANY guys and you’re gonna end up disappointed in the end when the men you like end up with other women.

If you like someone you should show interest otherwise most men are the same way. Why waste time on somebody who won’t show me interest? Because I know if I show interest and it’s not reciprocated I just move on. Since I want a genuine connection with somebody not play games

[Summeroflove]

At the end of the day it’s your choice. If you choose to limit your options and constantly end up seeing the men you wanted with other women. It’s ok you really….. You can do what you want.

But I’m just saying most men want someone who genuinely wants them not someone whose playing games as you are. All men are different so yeah there are men willing to play games and it will never go anywhere

[Summeroflove]

So like I said. You waited too long and he probably moved on so he probably doesn’t care at this point if you have moved on.

But you asked me….. how to get his attention again and I told you. So if you’re genuinely moving on don’t cry when he’s with another girl because you moved on….

I’m telling you men also want someone whose genuinely into them and isn’t playing games. The dudes who will be persistent will be desperate men who can’t get anyone else.

You’re not the only girl whose interested in that dude and it’s very possible he’s already talking to someone who has reciprocated interest. Unlike you who wanted to play hard to get because of some stupid idea you have in your head that’s not really accurate. Most men…. who want something serious don’t want to play games. They want a connection with somebody

[Lostgirl611]

Well, here is a plot twist for you. I found out today he has been dating someone for at least half a year. So, things are making waaay more sense now. I may be wrong, but i think he does want me, but he's trying to control himself. Either way, I'm not going to steal a girl's man. I'm so happy I decided to move on. Rejection is God's protection.

[Lostgirl611]

And yes, despite that he still tried to engage with me the last two times I was there.

[Summeroflove]

Okay in this case you’re right whether he’s still into you or not it’s best to move on. Never pursue someone in a relationship that’s committed.

[Summeroflove]

It’s just next time you like someone don’t wait around though. Just directly express interest because you wasted all this time crushing on him…. Only to find out that a large percentage of the time he was with someone else. I’m not saying you’re bad we all get nervous and maybe it’s a good thing you didn’t say something and only find out later he’s dating someone.

But I think this is closure that this isn’t going to work out. Even if he was to get together with if he cheated with you the chances of being cheated on are high. Especially if he’s wanting someone else (being you) while with someone else. That’s a red flag that he could get with you and do the same thing and you’ll never know it.

[Lostgirl611]

we can agree on that

[Summeroflove]

Yeah. I wish you the best at least you have closure now and won’t wonder anymore.

[MrOracle]

My guess is, he paid you attention, and you show any interest in return, so he moved on. No man with any self-respect is going to keep showing his interest if his efforts aren't being returned - you have to do your part too.

And this is important: men will evaluate you very quickly after their first interaction with you, and they'll put you in one of three categories - and whatever category that is, it is likely to be the highest ranking you'll ever have with him. It's fast and easy to be demoted into a lower category, and very rare to be promoted into a higher one.

He may have initially seen relationship potential in you and put you in the light green zone of his chart - the "potential relationship" zone that not many women ever get to. But then it's your position to lose, and if you are demoted by that man to a lesser category for WHATEVER reason, it's extremely unlikely that you'll ever be promoted back up again. Most guys will simply move on, because most men have no interest in playing games. The men who like to play games are the players - and relationships are NEVER on the table with a player - that light green category doesn't even exist for them. To a player, you are EITHER "casual sex only" or you are "nothing."

It's also possible that this guy's interest with you was only ever "casual sex" (dark green) in the first place - and if it was, and that's not what you were looking for, then the right thing to do is to tell him so and let him move on. If a guy places you in his "casual sex" zone, he's never giving you a relationship, no matter what you do, so understand that before you decide to pursue him.

Now, it sounds like you're in his white zone - he no longer has any interest in you at all.

I suppose this is the long way of explaining that you have likely already blown whatever chance you might have had with that guy, and you are probably best moving on to someone else. I explained all of the above in the hopes that NEXT TIME, you understand what's going on and you either decide you aren't interested and let the guy move on immediately, OR you return his interest so that he knows he's not wasting his time with you. There really isn't a third option - certainly not one that's going to get you anything.

[Lostgirl611]

Well, after reading your answers, I decided not to pursue anymore. I can't let a guy have that much power over me, specially if he has already decided to move on. However, I was at that store two times. Both times he said hi with a big smile. I said hi back to be polite but then kept it moving. I don't have the emotional strength or time for games. Guys go after what they want, clearly, and if I didn't reciprocate fast, that's on me. Plus, I just learned he has a girlfriend, so now I see J's rejection as God's protection. Love and learn. Thank you so much, your advice was the best out of all. Sorry I didn't get to choose it in time.

[morganherrel]

Work on your attractiveness WITHOUT resorting to cheap tricks like cleavage (this is just trashy)

[Lostgirl611]

What do you mean exactly?

[morganherrel]

Losing weight, fashion, hair styling, face shape... countless things in your control

[morganherrel]

But... the real answer is to just talk to him (:

[spartan55]

Yeah, try to make him jealous... that ALWAYS works... 😂😂😂

[Lostgirl611]

Hey, i'm new at this lol

[spartan55]

Be honest, where did you hear that advice?

[Lostgirl611]

On Tiktok

[spartan55]

A female's TikTok?

[Lostgirl611]

No, it was actually a guy talking about women. I thought maybe something similar would work on guys. I've never dated before so this is all new to me😄

[spartan55]

Trying to make a guy jealous NEVER works for several reasons. Keep it simple, and don't run your lovelife through social media.

[Lostgirl611]

Ok thanks. Can you expand on the reasons it doesn't work?

[spartan55]

For starters it's tremendously immature, you don't want your name attached to that nonsense. Second, there is a good chance he won't even notice or care about what you are trying to do. Last, any guy with any shred of dignity will walk away when you try that?

[noohair]

Just be honest and when speaking to men, use small words, speak slowly and leave nothing to interpretation.

[PeterLegg91]

Do your hair in a nice hairstyle or show some cleavage that'll get him interested again

[In_Trance]

When do you talk to him?

[Lostgirl611]

When I go to store. He's usually in the produce aisle. Initially, He would often walk near me and somehow try to strike up a conversation. I'm not sure if it's bc he saw me hug one of his coworkers ( I've known his coworker, John, since Middle school. He is mentally slow and bc of that doesn't have friends. He asked me to pray for him bc he has been feeling depressed and asked if I could hug him. It was awkward hugging him but I don't think John knows social boundaries bc of his autism. It's one of those what would Jesus do moments. He'd show love to an aching heart). Anyway, or I wonder if it's bc of my age or bc he might've gotten teased by coworkers bc he would talk to me a lot (I'm assuming, not sure if this happened or not).

[power_wolf]

guys do not act like girls

[Lostgirl611]

So what can i do to get his attention back?

[power_wolf]

nothing without knowing his reason

[Lostgirl611]

I'm not sure what happened. He works at a grocery store. I shop there. Some say he might've gotten teased for talking to me often. Others say he might have a girlfriend and someone probably told her (if that's the case then no I dont' want him). Others say it's because he saw me hug another employee (he's mentally slow and have known him since middle school and he's been feeling rejected by most lately). Others say it's my age.

[power_wolf]

why do you want someone who is mentally slow?

[Lostgirl611]

i don't lol. The guy i like isn't. But his coworker (who i hugged and have known since middle school) is mentally slow.

[power_wolf]

oh ok. there's nothing you can do since you don't know. just move on fast and don't waste your youth

[Anonymous]

No..