A guy at work asked me if I wanted to go the museum of natural history... asked why and he said “idk” then stood there awkwardly and walked away?

[VIVANT]

I’m doing this thing now where if I have question I just ask it. It can create issues but not as much in my opinion as not asking. In the past I never asked questions bc I felt like people make assumptions on your questions which MAY be true but not asking stuff doesn’t help me at all sooooo even if I avoid giving the wrong impression by not asking - which is debatable - i still walk away with no info. So now I just ask 🤷🏻‍♀️

Anyhow, in this situation I asked why, not bc I thought he shouldn’t ask, I just wasn’t sure why he was asking it I don't know I didn’t really think about why I asked why I just asked.

And I don't know why he didn’t know 😂 or maybe he said it without thinking but he could’ve just said that. I knows I love the MONH so it wasn’t a weird thing for him to ask.

Is it strange to not know you’re asking someone if they want to do something?

we get along well he’s nice I have no problem with him. We’ve known each other for almost a year so I was caught off guard for sure…

{🥳 🙌 finally my post that was put directly into guys behavior, actually BELONGS in guys behavior.. first time this year. 🙃}

Yeah it’s odd. Asking a question, you have some idea why you decided to ask a question, as apposed to not asking.

It’s not odd. He may have just asked first questioned later.

Maybe he was just caught off guard that you asked why and that made him lose confidence and it Interest in his question.

No clue.

Other.

Updates

1 y

To be clear I did not intend to make him feel bad, I was just caught off guard. I may ask him if he wants to go but I’m not trying to date atm so I’m not sure if I should…

Is it worse (for them) to hang out platonically or not at all if someone might be into you.

I’m torn bc I want to smooth things over, without leading him on.

I don't know if he actually is _Interested_ either, so this is all around a bit complicated. 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️

[Realistic07]

OK, well firstly truly decide what you want. If you don’t want to date him that’s OK, but for the sake of not leading him on or making him feel weird just let him know that.


I would suggest start by letting him know that the issue is not him. It’s just that you’re not ready to date anyone at the moment. Maybe a slight apology for the awkwardness leading directly to the statement that you just simply were shocked and didn’t know how to approach it. The hope is this causes a reaction in him that allows him to also apologize for the weirdness of approaching at work. Effectively, it would end the matter entirely in a simple, calm, peaceful way.


Obviously, if it doesn’t, he obviously took more offense than anybody could’ve have thought. That said, considering you work with him, you know better than anyone here If this will be effective. Please do bear in mind that any apology you might give Is not about being sorry you denied him. It’s just about the awkwardness of how it all went down.
It’s OK to want platonic relationships, and it’s OK to have awkward moments that’s life sometimes.



That said you made a statement at the bottom of your question about whether he’s actually interested or not. Here’s the thing if he approached you yes, he’s very interested. That said you should balance your own emotions and dictate for yourself whether you want a relationship or not, and clearly from what you’re saying, the answer seems to be not, but as humans were complicated one moment we don’t only for the next moment to come and then suddenly we do.


The heart is a complicated thing Just wanted to give you some warning about that reality. All said that is my opinion on the matter, and I do wish you luck with any decisions that you make moving forward.

[VIVANT]

I think I really very much would like to settle this in a calm way and yes, not apologize for the fact that I don’t wanna go on a date but that I made things awkward.

The reason that I was concerned that I’m not sure that he’s interested is not because I’m thinking that I wanna date him but letting him know that I don’t want to date can make things MORE awkward if he wasn’t actually interested in that way, so I just didn’t want to make any assumptions..

but I guess in this case it’s better to air on the side of making sure that everybody’s on the same page and even if it means I’m gonna be a little uncomfortable like you said it’s part of life. I think being avoid being uncomfortable far too often at the risk of not being clear so I agree with all of this. all thank you 🙂

Oh! I’ve known him for almost a year and he seems very calm and reasonable and he’s a kind person so I imagine he will be decent., don’t know how he will take it but I think he will act good naturedly. Hope.

[Realistic07]

Honestly, a year of knowing somebody at work it’s not really knowing them too much so having a certain amount of caution is OK, But don’t let kindness trick you into thinking that people can’t have moments where they express their frustration.

If it does come down to that know that it’s OK to stand up for yourself and let your position be known in a firm manner rather than a completely peaceful manner.

The point is situations are relative and subjective from one point of view to the other. We talk often about putting ourselves in each other, shoes as human beings as a conception of perceiving the reality of the alternative. What could be going on with the other person.

Don’t get me wrong empathy is important, but everything is important to its own degree. We go through the motions of life and apply what we need to apply at the time in which it needs to be applied.

Don’t be afraid to stand firm in your convictions should the conversation go in a bad direction is my point. Even though that’s not the goal things to happen.

Nevertheless, good luck and I hope that our chat has helped in someway

[VIVANT]

Oh! I’m totally OK with dealing with inappropriate behavior. I just don’t expect that. I hope he’s not hurt. I didn’t think he was gonna be an asshole but if that happened for sure, I mean, I wouldn’t accept it. 🙂

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

I will be wild and unite @cupcakethedestroyer and @Juxtapose on this one. I believe they're both 100% right. This won't be happening often, from what I observed? xD

Additionally, you may want to consider, or reconsider bc I think I told you that already, that many, many people don't process like you in communication. They will not consider your need for information as neutral, they will react emotionally on it. I believe this is a problem you will see happening OFTEN, until you acknowledge that your mode of communication is atypical 😅

[Juxtapose]

Ohhh they HARDCORE blocked me, cupcake 🧁 😂 There's not going to be much uniting there besides our coincidental agreement. They hate my guts!

[Juxtapose]

But yeah, @VIVANT I think you may have autism or something adjacent to it. Your problems sound like things I went through in my younger years.

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

@Juxtapose gotta say you're not "easy" to deal with lol

[Juxtapose]

How so?

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

@Juxtapose Well, you voice very well yourself that you have a special take on communication, in addition to extreme views, this combo doesn't make things easygoing I'd say, not more than that ;)

[VIVANT]

@Juxtapose

Yeah I’ve no idea I’ve never gone for diagnosis. I do know I relate strongly as well as squire a lot of very useful ideas for navigating various daily scenarios just from scrolling the aUdhd threads. Platforms too big for me to feel comfortable posting personal stuff but just reading others experience is very helpful.:

so whatever I have or don’t have, I like the autists and the adhd people @Juxtapose

Yeah I’ve no idea I’ve never gone for diagnosis. I do know I relate strongly as well as squire a lot of very useful ideas for navigating various daily scenarios just from scrolling the aUdhd threads. Platforms too big for me to feel comfortable posting personal stuff but just reading others experience is very helpful.:

so whatever I have or don’t have, I like the autists and the adhd people buacoup 😊

[Juxtapose]

Do you think you would ever want to get a diagnosis out of curiosity?

[VIVANT]

@Juxtapose

I’m not against it. Actually enjoy this kind of test their fun for me and I’d be curious about the outcome.

Now, I’ve heard some people say that it can cause problems as far as like prejudice in terms of getting jobs or medical care but wouldn’t you have to release that information in the first place for anybody to know?

The other potential hurdle is think they are like thousand dollars. My friend in Canada said 20K 😳

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

I would say that such test isn't harmless depending on how much trust you put in it, and given "the uncertainties in life and the universe", to put it in very vague terms 😅

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

Now maybe @Lynx122 has something to share on that matter?

[Juxtapose]

@VIVANT I haven't knowingly faced discrimination but you are right, your medical record and whatnot is protected by privacy.

It probably is expensive, I had a lot of tests done when I was a child by my parents that were pretty expensive and top of the line.

[VIVANT]

@Juxtapose

I didn’t have those when I was a kid. Parents. 😂

I’m glad you had a chance to be tested. Maybe these things should be standard so that not a big deal for anybody to get tested and they don’t have to feel like they’re making a big decision.

[Juxtapose]

My condolences, even one good parent will make a huge difference. I would have felt so lost without my mother.

I personally don't think it is a big deal but I have lived with the label my entire life and a pretty unapologetic about it. More people have a problem with me being bisexual than they have a problem with me being autistic.

[Juxtapose]

*am pretty unapologetic

[lightbulb27]

he sounds nervous...

you sound like a challenge to approach... we need videos...:)

[VIVANT]

😂 🫠🙃

[Summeroflove]

I do agree that being direct respectfully is the best way to go. Especially because you were caught off guard, you wondered why he was asking, as well as wanting to know his intentions behind it. Did he intend it as a date? Or a friendly outing? It’s a genuine question.

I think it’s reasonable and you’re right it’s good to know information so that you do not get the wrong impression form somebody. You don’t want to assume something is one way when it’s really another many people don’t ask questions so both people maybe have two things in mind but assume they’re on the same page, only to cause problems later.

Maybe he just didn’t expect your question and he didn’t know how to respond in the moment, which can happen.

If I was you, I would just approach him next time you see him and just express your thinking. Tell him you didn’t mean to make things awkward but that you were just caught off guard and the part about how you just would rather ask then not ask. Then if you would like to do with him just tell him you’re open to going and if not, just tell him you appreciate the offer but that you can’t or that you dont want to. Be respectful dont juar say “I don’t wanna” but.

[TonyMetal___86]

What a funny skyscrapper girl 🤣🤣

Do you want to go to the movies?

Skyscrapper girl: why?

Well, to watch a movie i guess

Skyscrapper girl: what kind of movie?

I don't know, we will pick one when we arrive there

Skyscrapper girl: you want to take me to the movies and not knowing what kind of a movie you want to watch?

🤔🤯😳😵

Skyscrapper girl: he doesn't even know the answer to his question 😂😂

I'm late, i'll see you later, just forget about it!

Skyscrapper girl: so he went away and i wonder why haven't he answered my question, it was just offguard, sheesh, people these days! 😏

HAHAHA 🤣🤣

[VIVANT]

😂 💚

[OlderAndWiser]

When you inquired why he was asking, he interpreted that as a means for you to avoid directly answering the question, so he treated it as a rejection. If he is not very experienced, or if he is at all intimidated by your physical beauty, then it probably took some degree of courage for him to ask and your response "pulled the rug out" from beneath him. He felt embarrassed for having asked and the quickest way to resolve his embarrassment was to simply walk away.

[VIVANT]

That’s very possible. Hmm you know it’s equally possible he actually meant it as a casual thing and then when I asked •why• he felt like I took it the wrong way or he accidentally gave me the impression he wanted to date and THAT made him uncomfortable. I just thought of that now. 🤔

I’ve actually been on both sides of this coin 1. where I was asking somebody to hang out casually and they took it the wrong way and that was mortifying and 2. another time I was interested but not ready to start something - just testing the waters - and the guy reacted pretty strongly shocked and that was incredibly awkward…so I’m feeling Pretty bad for my response even though I didn’t mean anything by it.

I’m gonna try to find a way to smooth things over. he’s a good guy.

Thank you🙂

[Juxtapose]

This is actually really obvious for me. He took your reaction as a sign of disinterest and dropped his pursuit of you.

The guy is clearly into you and wants the relationship to be more but your reaction gave him cold feet. If you want him to be your dude, give him more green lights. If you don't? Do whatever.

[VIVANT]

I don’t in to meow him feel bad I was just caught off guard. I may ask him if he wants to go but I’m not trying to date atm so I’m not sure if I should…

Is it worse (for them) to hang out platonically or not at all if someone might be into you.

I’m torn bc I want to smooth things over without leading him on.

I don't know if he actually is _Interested_ either, so this is all around a bit complicated.

[VIVANT]

I did not mean to *

Not I didn’t meow 😸 😂

[Juxtapose]

I think you should voice your concerns about this openly and non-threateningly to the guy himself.

[jojouzumaki]

He asked a simple and direct question which answers YES or NO. And you respond "Why?"...

Don't you think when he responded "I don't know" (as he stood awkwardly) and "I don't know why i even bothered asking you?" (on his mind as he walked away).

[VIVANT]

It’s possible. I’ve been in a similar situation in reverse and in my case I did answer. It WAS incredibly awkward, but I didn’t want them to be more of a misunderstanding by not saying anything at all. Although I think I would’ve been totally justified in walking away. so I don’t judge him for doing that.

The reason I’m wondering here, is bc we’re friends and we work together. I don’t want to make things more awkward. He may have walked away because he was concerned that I misinterpreted a casual question as being something “more”

Or, he walked away because he was like trying to ask me out and he felt uncomfortable at how I responded..

in the event of the former, I don’t want to explain that I don’t wanna date him (so that I don’t lead him) on when he’s actually not interested in dating,

but with the latter, I don’t wanna lead him by spending time with him bc we’re friends..

so that’s why I was asking about the situation. I don’t think it’s crazy that he got uncomfortable and walked away, it’s just that I don’t really know how to smooth things over because I’m not really actually sure what he wanted.

[jojouzumaki]

I suggest you stopped assuming and have an honest conversation with him. Only then your answers will be fulfilled.

[Staximus]

He wanted you to go with him to the museum so he asked you to go, it's pretty simple. When you asked "why?" it seemed like you didn't want to go with him. You knocked his dick in the dirt, he's probably not going to ask you to go anywhere with him again. If you want to go, you better ask him.

[VIVANT]

That’s quite an expression 😂

[VIVANT]

((Knocked his dick in the dirt))

[spartan55]

@VIVANT
That iconic phrase was used by Principal Richard Vernon in the movie 'The Breakfast Club'.

"TWO MONTHS Bender" 🤘

[VIVANT]

@spartan55

Oh wow thanks for the info 😃

[spartan55]

@VIVANT
I figured that movie was before your time.

[VIVANT]

@spartan55 I was or prepared to give you full credit I thought it very clever 😛

[Staximus]

If you don't have romantic interest in the guy, don't go. Fooling around with coworkers is rarely a good idea.

[spartan55]

@VIVANT
I can't unfortunately. That movie is great, one of my favorites.

[VIVANT]

We’re friends so I feel weird now

[ProbablyClueless]

Holy shit man, this actually made me laugh out loud! Thank you so much for posting this.

The reason he reacted that way is because he knows most women would only ask a question like that if his answer would change whether they said yes. If a woman responds "why" when I ask if she wants to go out with me, most guys will assume she's saying "I don't want to go out with you if you think that means we're going on a "date" date.

[Sevenpointfive]

that ellipse needs some explaining... what did he trail off saying?

what if i asked this?

A girl at work asked me if I wanted to go to the bathroom...

[VIVANT]

He said I don't know then walked away 😶

I didn’t run after him🤔

[Sevenpointfive]

i suspect you'd go alone if you had any interest

[VIVANT]

Definitely true 😀

That’s the way I feel awkward asking people if they want to do stuff bc obviously they can go if they want they don’t need me as a chaperone 🙃

You always have an interesting take 👌

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

He was asking you out, or at least probing to see if you’d be interested in something like that. He took your “why?” As a rejection and instead shrugged it off rather than pursuing it further for fear of being rejected if he told you the truth.

[RavVid]

He was surprised at you not knowing what museum of natural history is.

[VIVANT]

Naa, he knows I know bc I’ve talked about it often.. it’s one of my fav places 🙂

[RavVid]

Ahh. Well he thought you would say yes. I have caught the updates now about not dating etc.

Look could you see yourself as being genuine friends with him? I think don't do it as encouragement/consolation award.

You could say to him nicely that you aren't dating atm or going out much but if he is interested in natural history you would accompany him. Shut down the dating and hanging out aspects for a once off.

[VIVANT]

Oh that’s a good idea !! Thanks 😊

[RavVid]

You are welcome. Good luck. It is nice of you to be considerate of him.

[Amy10223]

My guess is he was trying to ask you out to go there, and when you asked him why, he lost his nerve. If you like him, ask him if he’d like to go.
I love the Museum of Nat’l History in NY. Last time I was there was about 10 years ago or a little less.

[MrGSpotHer]

It's definitely odd he must know why, you must of given the soul killer look and destroyed his will power to form a word

[VIVANT]

Soul killer look wow 🤩

[MrGSpotHer]

I think you were ferocious in that moment you just destroyed all hope 😆

[spartan55]

Just weird all the way around. I definitely wouldn't be trying to make any plans with that person moving forward.

[Jerre]

If it’s the one in Washington, D. C., I would go. That is an unbelievable museum

[Jerre]

@VIVANT Thank you for the Like

[VIVANT]

Sure thing Jerre 👍

[SuchSightsToShowYou]

He was asking you out, and he interpreted your "Why?" as a rejection, so after that he just wanted to get out of there as quickly as possible.

[Bklynbadboy12]

He was probably embarrassed ans the Museum of Natural history is fun asf. Have you been there yet?

[VIVANT]

Just prove one in NYC but I 💕 it 😀🙌

[VIVANT]

Just the one*

[Bklynbadboy12]

Yeah me to it's interesting asf

[VIVANT]

Yup!! And I love how it goes on and on and on 🤩

[Bklynbadboy12]

I bet your a lot of fun

[ɹǝʇʇɐɥpɐW]

I'm pretty confident that when you asked why, he interpreted that as a rejection. Like "Why would I go there with you?" So he probably dropped it and walked away out of embarrassment.

[NathanDavis]

to me... that's a very pertinent question

and the fact that "he didn't know why" is a very good insight, lol...

[RedInnocent69]

Poorly thought out and executed flirt. Natural history = animals fucking.

[TallAnon]

He wanted a date, but didn't have the courage to just call it that.

[noohair]

My guess is that he was expecting a Yes or No. It seems to me that the question should be answered yes or no. Did you say I don't know or I don't know? He heard No because it was not yes.

[Titus_of_Ultramar]

You seem to have given him an aggressive response that made him lose interest in you

[Ladsin2]

Asking you to go on a date.