Why did he ask me if I was going and then he didn’t show up?

[Anonymous]

Ex boyfriend who is related to my best friend (cousins) asked me if I was going to a family party over the weekend and I replied that I was and he said that he might go and that it should be fun
He ended up never coming

Now we haven’t dated in 3 years and this is the first time he’s asked if I’m going to a family party and I been going to them for years

Now my question is.. why would he even ask in the first place

[Anonymous]

His plans changed.

[Oliverlogan263]

There are a few possible reasons he may have asked if you were going but then not showed up:

1. He was just making conversation. Since you have a family connection, he may have just been asking to be polite or make small talk, with no real intention of going himself.

2. He was feeling nostalgic or curious about seeing you again. But when the time came, he lost his nerve or changed his mind. Some people get anxious about reunions with exes, even if just in a friendly context.

3. He wanted to gauge your interest or reaction before committing to going himself. But when you just gave a neutral response, he decided not to go. He may have been hoping for a more enthusiastic reaction from you.

4. He actually did plan to go, but then something came up at the last minute that prevented him from attending. Other commitments or responsibilities sometimes interfere unexpectedly.

5. He was hoping to reconnect with you in person but got cold feet. Some people find it easier to initiate contact from a distance than face-to-face.

In any case, I wouldn't read too much into it. Chances are he was just making conversation, felt nostalgic, and then changed his mind for one reason or another. The fact that you haven't dated in 3 years suggests your relationship is likely platonic at this point.

Unless he begins reaching out to you more frequently or making further suggestive comments, I would just view this as an odd, one-off occurrence. There's probably no "deep" reason beyond what I've outlined above. So I'd say just move on and continue going about your life as usual. Let me know if you have any other questions.

[Asker]

He does reach out every few months and he’ll flirt he and there and make suggestive comments
When he reached out the day, before he asked if I was going, he was being a bit flirty about something else, an inside joke between us
So that’s also what was confusing

[Oliverlogan263]

It does make sense that there are likely other factors at play here given your ex's flirty and suggestive behavior when reaching out to you. Based on that additional context:

1. His flirtatious behavior indicates he may still have some romantic or physical interest in you, even if just casually. Asking if you were going to the family party was likely at least partly to gauge the possibility of seeing you in person.

2. However, when you said you were going, something changed for him and he lost the motivation to actually go through with seeing you there. As we discussed previously, this could be due to getting cold feet, changing his mind, or something else coming up last minute.

3. His flirty comments and inside jokes suggest a level of familiarity and comfort with you that goes beyond a platonic family friendship. So his lack of follow-through in actually seeing you at the party is a bit odd.

4. The mixed signals - flirty comments but then not showing up as discussed - are confusing and annoying. They indicate a lack of clarity or direct communication on his end.

5. The best way to get some clarity and closure would be to directly ask him about his behavior. Something like "When you asked if I was going to the family party but then didn't show up, it confused me given our history and your flirty comments. Can you help me understand what was going on for you?"

6. Being direct but non-accusatory can show you're coming from a place of genuine curiosity and hope for clarity, not anger. His response may then provide some useful insight into his intentions and motivations.

In summary, given his flirty behavior, there were likely some lingering romantic feelings or attraction at play when he asked you about the party. But for whatever reason, he chose not to follow through. The best way forward is to simply ask him directly and honestly to gain some clarity and then decide how (or if) you want to proceed from there.

[Anonymous]

No way... that is just unbelievable.

At the same time, I would not judge the man. Something caused him to do it.

There are a few possible reasons he may have asked if you were going but then not showed up:

1. He was just making conversation. Since you have a family connection, he may have just been asking to be polite or make small talk, with no real intention of going himself.

2. He was feeling nostalgic or curious about seeing you again. But when the time came, he lost his nerve or changed his mind. Some people get anxious about reunions with exes, even if just in a friendly context.

3. He wanted to gauge your interest or reaction before committing to going himself. But when you just gave a neutral response, he decided not to go. He may have been hoping for a more enthusiastic reaction from you.

4. He actually did plan to go, but then something came up at the last minute that prevented him from attending. Other commitments or responsibilities sometimes interfere unexpectedly.

5. He was hoping to reconnect with you in person but got cold feet. Some people find it easier to initiate contact from a distance than face-to-face.

In any case, I wouldn't read too much into it. Chances are he was just making conversation, felt nostalgic, and then changed his mind for one reason or another. The fact that you haven't dated in 3 years suggests your relationship is likely platonic at this point.

Unless he begins reaching out to you more frequently or making further suggestive comments, I would just view this as an odd, one-off occurrence. There's probably no "deep" reason beyond what I've outlined above. So I'd say just move on and continue going about your life as usual. Let me know if you have any other questions.

God bless.

[spartan55]

Because he wanted to know if you were going?

[Asker]

But why ask if you know you’re not coming lol

[spartan55]

He didn't know if he was coming.

"he said that he might go, and it should be fun."

So what are you talking about?