My boyfriend recently started working and doesn't have time to text me from 9 AM to 9 PM. Should I consider breaking up, or am I overreacting?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend goes to work at 9 AM by bus and reaches around 10:30 AM. He listens to music on the way and doesn’t contact me. He’s busy at work and doesn’t text during the day. He leaves the office at 6 PM but hangs out with his female coworker for an hour every day, and they eat together. They take the bus home together, and he says he can’t text me during that time because it would be disrespectful to her since he's the only one she's with. He reaches home at 9 PM and starts texting me then, but I usually go to bed around 10 PM, so we barely talk for an hour, if I’m free. He sometimes texts during the day but mostly doesn’t. He gets annoyed if I’m not free after 9 PM when he wants to talk. I sometimes avoid talking to him because I feel like I’m always available for him, but he doesn’t respect my time. I’m in my final year of college, and while I make time for him, it feels like he doesn’t do the same. What should I do?

[MrOracle]

in my opinion, you need to grow up and realize that being adult means adjusting to some harsh realities of life. It's not his fault that you have different schedules right now, or that his commute is long, and all of that. Could he make more effort? I suppose, but like most guys, he wants his relationship with you to be IN PERSON, not via text. Is he prioritizing you in person on his days off? If so, then he's pretty much doing what he's supposed to do.

Plenty of married couples have to work opposite shifts and barely see each other, just to survive. That usually doesn't last forever, but you can go through tough times in a relationship where your schedules don't align.

You could date a bum who has no job and can text you 24/7, but then you'd be complaining that he never takes you anywhere or buys you anything.

The real world is not a Disney fairy tale. There's no such thing as "happily ever after." Life is a constant struggle until you're dead, and the only real question is: are you going to try to deal with all of it alone, or are you going to have a relationship and get through the constant struggles of life as a TEAM. Either choice means making sacrifices.

[PetLover24]

@MrOracle - ROFL. He's stringing her along as "2nd best" and dating or screwing his colleague. As they're too young to have any management level jobs even if there is no no-dating policy the company wouldn't give a shit as the low ranks are soo soo very easily replaceable.

[PetLover24]

First off dear here's the red flags of an abusive relationship.

1. Not communicating. NEVER let anyone you are in a relationship with make you feel unimportant. It is rude, ignorant, and demeaning. It is also emotional abuse that narcissistic people use - making it feel as if giving you their time is special - as control. If he is your age he most certainly does NOT have a job where he is that busy.

2. Hanging out with female colleague. There is NO reason for them to hang out after work. This is different when in your 30s and above going to a bar after work with a GROUP of colleagues. Going and "hanging out" with someone of the opposite sex alone is NOT proper behavior if actually involved with someone else (yourself).

3. Saying he can't be disrespectful to her, while constantly disrespectful to you. This shows that he puts you are a far less value than her despite the fact you are supposedly dating. This is extremely degrading towards you and is typical emotional abuse used, again by narcissistic people, for control. He is trying to ruin your sense of self worth so that you stay with him thinking you can't get better. Typical of abusers.

4. Calling you at 9pm and expecting you to be available. This is a HUGE red flag as it indicates he is extremely controlling and expects you available at his beck and call. Boys like this can and do grow up into men who control their girlfriends and wives as much as possible and are prone to physical and other abuses, going so far as to commit spousal SA.

My advice break up with him for the fact he's a complete & utter loser, not his texting.

[Anonymous]

This sounds phony. Why isn't the same girl on the morning bus? Why is it his obligation to keep her entertained just because no one else is there? Why is it more important for him to listen to music for an hour and a half rather than texting with you? Everyone has break times at work and lunch, it's required by law.

[Fireguy17]

you will be just fine.
There is a world out there that does not include getting a text every 30 seconds to inform you that he is still breathing.
Somehow for centuries people got along without knowing everyone's movement/thought/what they saw/did/ate whatever the case may be every waking minute of the day.
He is busy, so maybe you need to respect his time.
If someone demanded that of me that would just drive me away, but I am older and was lucky enough to grow up without being constantly in touch with someone else.
It was called having a life.

[PetLover24]

@Fireguy17 ROFL. He's stringing her along as "2nd best" and dating or screwing his colleague. As they're too young to have any management level jobs even if there is no no-dating policy the company wouldn't give a shit as the low ranks are soo soo very easily replaceable.

[Finchie40]

The fact that he is spending time with his female coworker everyday is a red flag right there , that he is investing more time into her than he is to you , if he valued and respected you he wouldn’t be spending all that time with her , he is probably banging her and trying to keep you as a side piece. Dump him

[236color]

You should break up with him, but not because of his texting or lack of it. You should break up with him because he goes out to eat with a female co-worker everyday and doesn't want you to contact him while he's out with her. One of you is the "side piece".

[AGAM1]

Seems like he was never your boyfriend to begin with if this is reasoning for a break up!! Wow. Do him the favor and leave so as to save him the heartache. This is all it takes you’re in for a world of hurt when you get married. People…

[Kaneki05]

Well something is wrong. Because all I know is if I had a girlfriend we would talk more than just an hour or less everyday that's for sure.

[itsannalee]

If you want to break up just break up.
I guess you prefer to have unemployment boyfriend who have 24h/7 to text you.

[YevgenyMikhail]

Break up with him and date a drug dealer on Section 8 housing. He will have a lot more time to spend with you.

[DrPepper12]

How long have you guys been together? Based on what you said I don't see this going anywhere and for him not to find the time during the day sounds like a steaming pile of bullshit.

[spartan55]

Yeah, break up over how much he texts you. So stupid...

[Nikki1989]

Have you ever heard of talking? That is what phones were made for.

[Alex-Snow]

Have u talked to him about this? Maybe mention that u would like to text or talk in his spare time.

[Avicenna]

He needs to do better

[Danny_dan92]

What you need to do is grow up.

[Asker]

lmao fr?

[Danny_dan92]

Yes. He cannot text you at work because work isn’t fun time. When he buys you things, remember what made that possible aka

His job. Which you’re complaining about

[ProbablyClueless]

You could text him in the morning, right?

[LiamJHayden]

Do what works for you.

[noohair]

Punishing men always turns out bad in the end.