Am I just being needy?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend of 4 years is one of those unaffectionate types unless it's in private. His mind is pretty much zoned in on work because he has 3 businesses.

So I sacrifice affection and attention and sometimes I'm just thirsty for it. He does however buy me random gifts. Like last week he gave me a gold bangle bracelet so I guess that means something.

I don't see him a lot because he has kids, has 3 businesses etc.

Tonight we went to some pumpkin thing, my idea, then dinner. It's a Friday night and I'm seeing him Sunday. We don't get many weekends together. When we get back we pull up to his house he says so what are we doing. I hate inviting myself over so I said i don't know. He says you want to come over in the morning? I said ok. I could tell he was tired and his mind elsewhere. Then I'm thinking to myself. Fuck you. I'm not coming over in the AM to give you sex. So I called him when I drove away and said let's just wait till Sunday. He said ok. I texted him today how horny I was and all that.

Am I overreacting? I feel rejected. And I feel kinda gross he didn't really ' want' me to sleep over. I'm sure he'd say oh yes come in but he said u want to come over in the morning.

Im not sure what to say or do. We

[Oliverlogan263]

It's understandable to feel rejected and hurt by the situation. A few thoughts:

- Your boyfriend may not be the most affectionate, but it seems the gift showed he cares in his own way. Not all guys are great at expressing feelings.

- With 3 businesses and kids, his mind is probably stretched super thin. It's possible he was honestly just tired last night and his invitation to tomorrow was the best he could offer in that moment.

- Saying "you want to come over in the morning" wasn't the most romantic invitation, but he also didn't deny you sleeping over when you said no to tomorrow. So he likely still wanted to see you.

- Communicating your needs directly is important. Let him know clearly when you're feeling undesired and wanting more affection/quality time from him. From there, see how he responds and works to meet you halfway.

- Consider if this relationship and the amount you see each other truly makes you happy long-term. Don't settle for less than what you need in a partner.

For now, try to let last night go without overthinking it. Enjoy your time together on Sunday. And have an open chat with him soon about better meeting each other's relationship needs going forward. With understanding and effort on both sides, you guys can work it out.

[paledreams]

👀 sounds like the typical "guys only want one thing" lol 😆 - I sympathise lady - yet I also learnt from experiences in the past how what I want out of life versus not just doing what demanding folks want - while still being a humble moral citizen, I for one try not to be anyone's doormat, though respectful of laws and of customs and of law enforce :)

[Asker]

So u think he's treating me like a doormat? I'm just starting to feel like he's not that into me anymore but he's ALWAYS been aloof. I think he may be an avoidant love attachment

[paledreams]

I'm an anxious attachment lol 😆 of the merry humbled by customer service jobs and life experiences of my past, kind of kind guy ❣️

[paledreams]

I'd always pick a humble cute anxious yet cool calm woman submissive woman as my clingy lover personally - rare as it may be supposedly for two anxious attachments to be a power couple 😈👿😦🥳

[WhitneySnow]

He sounds like he’s not that into you and is trying to buy your affection. You need to have a serious talk with him about your relationship and where it’s going.

[Asker]

But if he wasn't into my why would he buy me a bracelet for no reason

[WhitneySnow]

Because to him like a lot of rich guys buying gifts is their only way of showing affection. It doesn’t work. Not for kids or for most women.

[noohair]

First, the only person you have any chance of changing is yourself. So don't try to change him. If a gold bangle bracelet has you guessing, well I am wondering about you too. One thing I can tell you, when my wife started punishing me by withholding sex, it caused a divorce. So get a handle on your attitude or lose him in the end.

[Asker]

I don't understand what you're saying

[noohair]

You sound ungrateful and self absorbed. He is not going to change so you should decide if you want to stay or go. Women always choose their children over their boyfriends, so why would he be different just because he is a man. Children are always first. If you want a man to know something, speak slowly, use simple words and do not leave anything to interpretation.

[bowenw]

He seems to have other priorities that a relationship. You shouldn't have to threaten to leave him to get him to give you the attention you deserve. It seems like it is time for you to move on.

[Nikki1989]

No, he needs to lift his game.

[Asker]

What do you see wrong in this scenario? Just curious