Should I be friendly to a guy who insulted me? I’m lonely and he sounded hurt when I ignored him?

[Ineverdidyou]

Should I forgive and go back to being friendly to a guy at work I started ignoring to his face because he keeps insulting my appearance? b

I thought he was a friend. And yeah I think we lowkey have feelings for each other. Maybe he’s just a doggy person like most males and it’s not “feelings” the way I feel them as a girl. But he isn’t even available. But it’s all his fault for even approaching me. I’m the quietest persona alive. He chased ME down.

I literally have no friends or family so I’m very lonely literally and emotionally many times as well. Having a guy at work who shows interest is just like a carrot being dangled in my face I can’t have. It makes me want a relationship more than if I didn’t have that carrot there.

I feel like loneliness and wanting attention even though I know he is too immature to love me like a man should love a woman and he’s not available , so maybe I just like the attention? Thoguh I’m very emotional and my feelings get hurt deeply at rejection so this isn’t actually just “wanting attention”.
He sounded so hurt when I ignored him to his face yesterday. It makes me feel bad. I wanna be friendly to him again. Even though this back and forth is toxic in reality. Why is life so comfolicated. ?

im a romantic woman so deep down I just feel and hope like a man who pays me attention coild love me one day and marry me and be the man for me. Im mot saying I’m smart. I’m just saying what’s in my heart.

[Spuen]

Honey, as you said... Like a carrot in front of your face.

From his point of view: i think he liked "talking" to you (meaning, having you around, probably because of those "feelings" you have). He sounds like the kind of guy who likes being liked.
But he messed up (honestly, its not that hard NOT to insult someone, and he KEEPS doing it). And when he realized you had set up a boudry (because yes, thats a boundry, im proud of you), he started "behaving" again to get what HE wants.

From your poikt of view: if you dangle the most toxic food in front of someone starving, they will eat it out of desperation (he is not a carrot, a carrot is nutritive, he is like a hot dog).
Take care of yourself. Feed yourself with healthy food (find friends, recomnect with your family, neighbours, other coworkers...) and THEN eat the hot dog if you want, because it will be for fun, not for starvation.

PS: i personally think is not a good idea to "set down" a boundry you already set up...

[Ineverdidyou]

Thank you. You sound very smart can I ask why it’s not a good idea to set down a boundary?

[Spuen]

I dont think its a good idea for three reasons:

One, some people have real issues setting up boundries. Theyre just unable to do so. And if they manage to set up one, i think setting it up is like destroying all your work, like self treason.

Two, a boundry is set up for a need. Like a lock you put in your house so that thieves dont come in and steal your stuff. In this case, you need to be respected (not be insulted), and that boundry is helping you to keep disrespectful people out and keep you safe in.

And third, if you set up a boundry and set it off as soon as the thief knocks on your door, you are just teaching the thief that they only have to knock to get inside and steal your tv. If you tal again to him like nothing happened your are saying that "its okay, you can keep insulting and hurting me, you just have to say "sorry" (or just wait enough time) when you want my attention again and you will get it".

With this im not saying you should "ignore" him. You can be polite, cordial (maybe he didn't even notice how his comments hurted you), but i would not recommend consider him as a friend or treat him as such.

[Jeotntk]

Thank you. I think maybe I should only talk to him if I first state that he hurt me and he is mean to me and see if he is an adult about it. I don’t know if I’d be strong to not be friendly with him and only be cordial. I do have feelings for him I guess. He has been someone who makes my whole mood light up when I know he’s at work and I can work with him or might interact with him. It’s just hard for me to communicate verbally and set a boundary with someone verbally. That’s why I went to being silent.

[Spuen]

Letting him know that he hurt you is a vital part of this story and information i missed (did you tell him? Did he trully understand why? Did he apologize? Has he changed something to prevent it from happening again?).

If you haven't had that conversation, it is a good start.

About "not being able to be cordial because you have feelings", I've been there too, and a psychologist said that those situations are like a drug addiction (as for brain chemistry): you want so bad something that is also hurting you.
With time (and work) you learn how to find those good feelings in "nutritive" people (out of eight billion people, there is more than just one person that can make you feel good) and forget about the people who also hurt you.

[Viiuuiiuu]

He hurt me a while ago with the appearance comments and I told him it was mean and he right away kept saying sorry. But here he was again weeks later with an even more mean comment about my looks. So my thought is that he knows how to say sorry but doesn’t actually intend to change or care long term how his words hurt me. He seems to be ignoring me back (he didn’t say hi or anything to me yesterday at work) so I guess he’s given up on me and that’s fine if so. There’s always a chance he would try to talk to me again in the future and that’s when I could bring up the fact his words are really hurtful to me. Otherwise I’d just let us keep ignoring one another because I’d rather be alone and happy than deal with someone who truly doesn’t care about me and the headache he would bring if he doesn’t intend to actually change.

Thank you for your help and for saying that there are nutritive people out there and I can forget the hurtful people. :)

[Spuen]

So glad to hear what you are saying! :)

[Jessica405]

He was probably insulting you to get your attention. I feel he fancies you. Go for it. Nothing to lose. Just tell him not to hurt you again.

[Ineverdidyou]

Thanks you’re so sweet

[Jessica405]

Thanks!

[blooming_fate]

he insults you but wants you, its kinda toxic. if you can confirm he has toxic personality or that he has a negative impact on you then leave him. and never lower your value just cause you pity some guy/girl who looks pityful, stay head strong when you need to be

[Avicenna]

Why be friendly to him?

[Jeotntk]

I have feelings for him. Did you read the post please?

[MasterKS]

another example of women are strange.

[Jeotntk]

What a rude unnecessary and unhelpful answer. Shame on you.

[spartan55]

It's very true though. Oh, I forgot they can't take criticism at all.