Have guys forgotten how to fall in love?

[Crimsyjo]

Not all. But like 90% 🤷‍♀️. Maybe because love can take time and everyone expects everything instant and easy these days.

It sure feels like guys have forgotten...

[MicahRaine]

The majority of men AND women have forgotten how to truly fall in love, yes.

Somewhere along the line someone either got scarred or just never learned gold values, and it's been downhill from there. Guys are jaded and don't trust girls, girls are jaded and don't trust guys. It's a vicious cycle.

I heard someone say online that people these days get into relationships either knowing they don't really want a relationship, or knowing that they want a relationship but they won't "settle" for anything less than 100% of what they want. So they might find someone who's amazing for them and who makes them a better person and makes them happy and who's 80% exactly what they've always wanted, but they still throw that person away because they refuse to give up/change that last 20% because they view staying as "settling" when in reality they're super lucky.

[Crimsyjo]

Yes I agree with you 100% on this. I blame the "options" that have opened up with Internet dating and travel. But still... it's very sad. Relationships do take compromise.

[MicahRaine]

Yep, the internet is a big part of why things have become this way. Big cities and travel too, because there's no accountability anymore.

There's a wildly true movie quote, "the world's the same, there's just less in it"

Also I think we've forgotten how beautiful it is to compromise and change for someone /by choice/. We all change, even if we can't see it. Why not change for those we love?

[Crimsyjo]

I adapt a lot when in love. It's joyous too learning about your partner, their likes and dislikes, their moods, how to navigate to make them happy and bring joy.
I just find maybe I do all the giving so they get lazy. Because I want a guy to want to learn about me and making me happy too. Or it just ends up feeling one sided.

But people need time and patience for this. Not many people will wait and put in the work though. It's like online is a huge algorithm of Compatibility testing and we show away 80, 85, 90% matches always expecting that 99% or 100%.

[MicahRaine]

Yep, me too.
Yeah that's definitely what happened with me and Raine, it started mutual and than became more and more one-sided until she was actively destroying our relationship while saying she wanted to keep dating.

Yep, couldn't agree more. Patience is a virtue for a reason.

[woahhh152]

Most of them just want to fuck more than one person so they won't be in a relationship

[Crimsyjo]

Most men or most women or both?

[woahhh152]

Most men. But I've come around many women too who are into it. But it's still mostly men. I won't say it's equal

[Crimsyjo]

Yes that is true. And honourable to not gey into a relationship if aware of this desire.
But I think this desire to fuck more is making people forget the benefits of being in love and in a relationship.
There's positives and negatives of both (single and not single)

[woahhh152]

I agree

[woahhh152]

But people who often hookup will stick to it and not think about a relationship unless they are lonely

[Crimsyjo]

Maybe. Perhaps you have talked to many women like this. Me personally, I think lonely comes first. So we want a relationship. When that doesn't happen then hooking up fills the void. But it isn't what we want. No. And it doesn't away the loneliness either.

[woahhh152]

Loneliness doesn't always come first for everyone

[Crimsyjo]

Yes it's not same for everyone. And some people love the freedom of sex casually whilst keeping their single life intact.

[woahhh152]

True

[woahhh152]

Thanks for MHO

[blueonblack22]

The problem is people have less and less respect for each other out of general principle nowadays. That is how do you treat someone you can no longer have feelings for and/or you no longer value what they provide?

Of course you shouldn’t stay in a relationship with somebody you no longer have feelings for. But once you have arrived to that conclusion, how do you handle it? Do you ghost them (happened to me) or gaslight them for the relationship ending (also happened to me)? Do you still respect them as a human being or do you look at them as expendable?

As a man I only have a limited amount of time, resources and chivalry to invest in a woman. If I develop feelings for her and vice versa then great. But if she falls out of love will she still respect me as a human being?

Modern feminism has encouraged women to treat men who offer no value to them as quickly expendable. Taught them them that everything is a zero sum game. And it’s being indoctrinated at a young age.

Look at this bs that was prominently displayed at my local library.

[MrOracle]

The biggest issue is that a majority of women are trying to be men - career-focused girl-bosses - and that's not what the vast majority of men want.

Men have responded to this in various ways. The top guy continued to use women for casual sex or casual, short term relationships. Among the rest, lots of men have walked away from any kind of romantic or sexual relationship with women completely. And the others are still seeking traditional women, and some of these will only deal with traditional women, while others will have casual sex with non-traditional women while they look for a traditional one for a relationship.

Finally, there are simps who will give girls everything on the mere hope of a future relationship - but while some women happily exploit them, no women respect them or want to be with them - at least not for any longer than it takes to clean him out.

[Crimsyjo]

That is fair...

Just out of interest, when u say traditional woman, in the over 40's what does that look like? Cos traditional when starting out is about having family and staying home to raise them.

[MrOracle]

For men in their 20s and 30s, they're generally looking for a woman in her 20s who wants to be a wife and mother and, if at all financially possible, stay home and raise them. For 40s, it's harder for women. Frankly, one of the most important reasons (for most men) to have a serious, committed relationship is to have children, and the men who would be in the age range to date women in their 40s are generally past the age when they want to have kids, or may have them already. And even for the exceptions who have no kids and aren't looking for kids, a lot of women in their 40s already have some other man's kids, which is a deal-breaker for most men. At this age, marriage is probably no longer on the table (the main reason for marriage is for children), so it's either a long-term boyfriend/girlfriend relationship or it's just casual. With no kids involved, the woman's career isn't generally a problem (it's not usually a problem in her 40s if she married and had kids in her 20s, as the kids are old enough by then not to need her at home).

Assuming a man in his late 40s or 50s was looking for a relationship, he's probably be looking for a woman in her 40s, but the biggest thing is going to be her morals & values. Feminists are, generally, a no-go, as are girl-bosses and "strong and independent" women, as well as "high maintenance" women. I think you can agree that the pool of women this leaves today is quite small, and most such men are resigned to the likelihood that they'll probably end up single.

[Crimsyjo]

Haha I would like to disagree but I can't lol

I agree completely marriage is mainly about having children. In my teens and 20's I already had the morale that I would not have children with a man who did marry me first.
Which I did. Marry and have kids. Sadly having kids also drives a lot of marriages apart. Another part of tradition was that women helped women. The "it takes a village to raise a child" vibe. So stay at home mothers had access to other mothers, family, community. Usually the women that don't want to work and want lots of children you see have this lifestyle and actually enjoy it.
But the shift towards independence and career not only effects tradition in relationship/courting sense but is isolating for stay at home mothers. My mental health suffered hugely trying to cope on my own. And turning to my husband for support but finding none. Which led to "falling out of love" and an end to marriage. (Another tradition was women could not be independent and so love was not the driving force of staying together like it is today).

I struggle with the tradition that in older times forced women to be with men for survival (1800's) so perhaps it looked like it worked better then. I think women deserve a man to treat them with respect and love to be mutual?

Now looking at 40's+. It is fair to say both men and women have failed marriages behind them at this point. Usually kids.

Is it only women that seek companionship then? And not just sex? Are men so driven by only the two things. Pro creation and pleasure in sex?
If that's the case that has nothing to do with the change in women. It means all along men are using us. First for children and after for self satisfaction unless they think they can discard you after doing your motherly duties?

If that's the case it's extremely sad in deed. I pray it isn't so. I've seen men on here talking of the desire for love and companionship.

[Crimsyjo]

Like i said at the start... I want to disagree with your view because accepting it just makes me feel there is no purpose in my existence any more. I've served my purpose as a wife and mother. Now I am discarded as only suitable for an occasional cum bucket

[MrOracle]

Most men very much want companionship and someone special to share their lives with - but not at the expense of their peace.

This may not apply to you at all, but so often today men come home to a battle every night, and whatever the argument is is rarely the real problem - the real problem is that HER life is not "happily ever after" perfect - there's always SOMETHING she doesn't have that someone else does - so more and more men are very picky about the woman's personality and morals and values, and will choose to be alone rather than invite chaos into his life. Being lonely is no fun, but having no peace is worse.

Far too many women have crazy expectations that they can have everything. Very few men are so deluded, but women with that delusion cannot ever be happy, and will always blame the man when she's not.

[Christian_Cartier]

It just sounds like you might have to change how you offer your value to others. Shift from thinking in terms of "getting" a relationship and start thinking in terms of "giving". There are many older men and women who are valuable because of how they give their time, energy, and skills, to help shape society and future generations. There are many ways to do that. Plus, most people are old anyway, so you're not alone. You are what you choose to be. If you are a kind and giving person, someone WILL want to be with you.

[Crimsyjo]

@Christian_Cartier I am kind and giving so usually attract thieves and takers.
In my marriage I had to look after him and make all the decisions.
Now my children are older I want a man to nurture and take care of. I want to run to the door to kiss him after work. Give him a massage. Get his dinner and hot drink. But I expect to be loved and feel protected in return. Is that too much to ask? I do expect to share chores on days I'm working so together we can make time to cuddle and relax. I usually end up being the only one giving and then yes, I am not a doormat or person to be used, so of course that will cause problems in a relationship. If that's "not peace" then that is unrealistic. I want peace too and not arguments. I expect communication to be had to solve issues. Or end the relationship. I don't think that's unreasonable.

[Christian_Cartier]

See, you're focusing on what you want instead of what other people need.

[Crimsyjo]

@Christian_Cartier what is it other people need? And how do I knpw what they need? I say what I bring to the table with wanting to nurture and give. But then I get used. If someone else's "need" is money and a place to stay and a woman for sex... well... I'm not going to say hey here you go. (Not intentionally but that's what men seem to want that i meet).
If they need love and companionship and a person to bring joy? Well isn't that what I am offering? And is it wrong if I am saying that's what i do give. But I expect same in return. My needs matter too. And always my needs don't get met and I get used for being kind and giving. So of course I'm older and wiser (ish) and trying to be more clear on expectations. I don't think it's unreasonable. I'm not asking for anything material at all. Just good core values.

[MrOracle]

The thing is that you also have to prioritize his morals and values, over things like looks, money, or status. And most women today refuse to do this. They pick the handsome, popular, successful guys with mid-to-awful morals and values and think they can change him, or do their best to ignore his morals and values until it all blows up. I've seen this happen thousands of times, and I have talked to well over 100 women who I have seen do this, and only 2 or 3 made the smart decision - the vast majority continued the relationship even after they knew the guy had poor morals and values, because he was handsome or had high income. And a few years later all she could say was what a bad person he was. Well.. DUH!

This is what I am talking about when I say that most women today think they can have everything - and even more, they DESERVE everything. That's a ridiculous, crazy, delusional expectation that no one could ever fulfill, but so many women still expect it and then blame the man when he can't give it to her.

And of course, these delusions are constantly reinforced by all of her friends, none of whom have successful relationships themselves. It's a corrosive cycle, and lots of men have walked away from it completely.

[Christian_Cartier]

As far as relationships, people generally need: love and affection, trust, safety, connection and intimacy, appreciation, etc. But it sounds to me like you need to figure out better ways to meet some actually good people. I'm not saying to give anyone money or sex, by the way. (unless it's genuine). If you're feeling manipulated, that should be a red flag that those types aren't the best for you and will drag you down in the long-run. Don't give to just anyone. Be selective to those who deserve it.

[Crimsyjo]

I'm a working-class woman. I've never even dated a man with high income or status.
I'm looking for nothing that should be difficult for a man to provide. Love, respect, companionship.
I understand you are saying not all women are as you describe. Just as not all men are as bad as the ones I come across. But alas I only come across those men.
So that leaves us back to what you describe as "hot" or top men? They really are not thar either. There's enough to be physically attractive. But certainly not by all women.

My husband had a bald head he was very self conscious about. And a bit of a beer belly.

My next boyfriend was hot body but not hottest face. And teeth issues.

My latest at 37 did not have a slim or toned body. His hair was receding and so he styled it weird but mostly covered it with a cap.

I don't go for "hottest 10%" in relationships.

But I defo should go more on morales and values etc.
But those guys - guys who have worked well and built up themselves and assets and have ambition - are too protective of it scared a woman wants to take it all away. And I can all ready hear you say yes because women do!! But not all women. And yet we don't get a chance to prove it. As those guys won't even have a relationship.

So we are back to doom. Good men don't trust women. Which only leaves bad men to mistreat the good women. Adding to them withdrawing from the hope of a relationship too.

[Christian_Cartier]

^^^He said it better.

[Crimsyjo]

@Christian_Cartier haha no you say it good with being selective and finding better places to find suitable men. But MrOracle has said this to me before. About meeting relationship men through friends of friends. But at least here in UK or near me we don't have social gatherings like that. At my age finding friends is hard or having time for friends. And the few I have tend to work and keep to themselves.
It's hard to be selective when there is no selection. And time is not exactly on my side. I spent 8 years not looking and not wanting a relationship after the trauma of my last ex (the middle one). It's hard to go back to accepting solitude now I no longer want solitude.

[Finchie40]

Some guys’ are just scared to fall in love because of the way society is today , and all the shit we hear about with cheating and affairs etc. So rushing into a relationship with someone these days is a lot harder for people to do , it takes time for love to grow between 2 people , it takes time to trust someone and to be able to give yourself completely to someone , especially if you had your heart shit on before. So if you want to find true love , you have to be able to give the same way you hope to receive , make them your top priority , learn to remove selfishness and wear your partners’ shoes the same way you hope they wear yours. And more than likely you will meet someone that does the same for you

[Crimsyjo]

But saying make them your priority, take time for love to grow... these presume you meet someone willing to stick around for more than two weeks or after sex.

I don't expect a guy to meet me and say hey let's be in a relationship. I want a guy to a) meet me. (Not just for hook up) and b) be willing to get to know me.
Then either there's no spark and we part. Or we get on enough to at least be friends. Or we like eachother enough to hang out, have sex, get to know eachother more and maybe feel feelings growing.
Isn't the third way technically how dating used to be?
I think our perspectives may be slightly different as for you as the man you mainly control the aspect of how much effort you put in. A woman is likely open to it. Not so in reverse.

[Finchie40]

If you really like someone , prove it to them , if they like you back the same they will do the same for you , be open and honest and tell them what you are seeking and what you are looking for , if they are interested they will give you the same , if not they will move on

[Crimsyjo]

If your talking in person I've not met anyone in person. I go out to places and talk to people but not met anyone I'm attracted to. If talking online dating the first question that comes up is always about what we looking for. And I'm honest. Either they admit they looking for hook up and I say ok we not on same page. Or they will play the game for a day or two but try sexting or send pics. Or they will get bored and disappear if I'm not talking sexually or reacting.
One guy I have been talking to for months (age 40). I was starting to really like him. I told him so. I'd flirt and show some tame only slightly sexy pics. He sent me a lot of chest and face pics at shower time. Some when at work or in his dressing gown. But recently he started getting hornier every shower time and trying to sext. Then saying he was embarrassed as doesn't do that when I reiterated I want a relationship not sexting. Then he sent me a nude despite saying he doesn't ever do that. Now he's stopped talking to me fully. Embarrassed? Or was his intention all along? When he sent me the nude I said it was good to know i wouldn't be disappointed if we moved to that stage. But please don't be like all the other guys online. So was that all he ever planned? Such a shame.

[Anonymous]

I don't think so. I think it's women that are thd problem. The hoops guys are required to jump through are almost impossible. If you look at men in America today you see a super hot guy with a decent job and in good shape with a woman who's so fat and the reason this is the case is the majority of women especially black women are obese. So guys have to choose between being single and being with an obese woman.

https://youtube.com/shorts/h_OhKvgTgEw?si=-AcmUyaVIeKCltvS

[Crimsyjo]

That may be the case in certain regions but certainly not everywhere. And there are plenty of good looking girls searching for guys that are not obese. I've even seen girls in here your age having sake issue as me (guys just want hook up).

[Opinion Owner]

All the attractive non obese girls are already married

[Opinion Owner]

Or getting married

[Crimsyjo]

That's definitely not true. Lots of beautiful women are seen only as sex objects and not getting relationship guys either.

[Opinion Owner]

Seen as sex objects by men that can't have them.

[PeachyPie93]

I feel like the dating culture is just fucked now days.. it's all bullshit, which is why I would like to meet someone offline and who barely uses the internet because people with stupid idea's are rubbing off way too much on others. Thus creating more problems and pinning guys against girls.. and if we are enemies its hard to ever be lovers lol.

[Crimsyjo]

That is very true! Tho meeting offline has its problems top because men rely too much on online dating to know if someone likes them and does not want to approach a woman in real life. It's different if you meet through work and build up first. That's my ideal. But if you work in a company without new people, or men, and have no interests in the current circle it's harder...

[ClassicDropout]

Never have, probably never will. I feel like things are definitely changing. I think it's sad that traditional views on dating/marriage are becoming less popular, but I'm definitely part of the problem. Currently, I don't want to date anyone, and I'm waiting on a girl to come change my mind. "Chasing" feels like a waste of time and effort. I regret feeling this way but it is what it is.

[Crimsyjo]

"Waiting" on a gal? Generally girls wait on the guy. But I get what u saying.
I was in your shoes not wanting to date. 8 years passed by. If you are not open to it it won't magically come knocking I'm afraid.

[FunkyMonkee]

No, I'm just "protective" about it. I don't feel like falling in love with someone if they're not in love with me or if it's gonna be a nearly impossible situation. I've had MORE than enough heartbreaks!! I'm NOT about to set myself up for more!! When I KNOW it's a sure thing, I'll let fly!

[Crimsyjo]

How do you knoʻw it's a sure thing? I think everyone who gets married must think it's a sure thing at that point in time? Or they wouldn't do it.
And what about in the dating stage. Dating is about seeing I'd it might be a sure thing. Seeing if compatibility will turn into love. But I can't even get to that stage as men have already decided they want sex or nothing.

[FunkyMonkee]

Usually, if the love is reciprocated and especially if it's real! It CAN be REALLY hard to tell!! I THOUGHT I had it back in the `90's but that little mini-bitch started cheating on me after just 5 to 7 years!!
Yeah! Obviously but, look at the divorce rates today! They're fucking INSANE!! MOSTLY because people today rush into it and get married for all the wrong reasons!!
Correct!! But, for some reason, especially with girls, kids these days think that one or two dates means you're in solid and it's fucking time and marriage time!! 2 weeks later, she's knocked up and/or finds out he's really a fucking major asshole!! OOPS!! Too late now!!
Not this one! Sex is great but, I'd rather have a steady, long-lasting, loving relationship than just a quick fuck!! But, ya gotta remember, sex is a 2-way street!! Just because HE WANTS IT doesn't mean that you HAVE to supply it!! Just make sure it's a steady thing and that he DESERVES your pussy!! STOP giving it up so easily!! I grew up in the "free love" generation but, I've NEVER seen so much friends with benefits going on than there is today!! Why pay for the cow when the milk is free? If he wants your pussy, make sure he takes THE WHOLE PACKAGE!! Marriage and all!! In just the last 30-some years, I've seen and known SO MANY WOMEN marry the MOST INCREDIBLE ASSHOLES!! STOP FUCKING FOR THE SAKE OF FUCKING and start weighing your options!! You don't fall in love, anymore, you fall into bed and CONSIDER THAT to be love!!

[Crimsyjo]

Yes I completely agree. I don't fuck guys I could have a relationship with. I fuck younger guys so technically I'm not giving it away to guys I want to date.
Whether that's right or wrong is not the question. Because those guys (ie my age guys) don't know my business. So for all they know I've been single and no sex for 9 years now... they still not "buying the cow". (For the record I was single no sex 8 years
I've only started friends with benefits stuff recently).
Soooo... it's probably a cycle that I too am a part of even if I'm not a part of it in my age group.
Guys my age are still getting FBs? Or casual sex? (Hard to believe with most of them but ok). So if I'm not putting out they don't wanna know?
And I'm putting out to younger guys so maybe younger girls are also finding it hard to get a guy to commit?
But if I "sacrificed" having sex at all that won't net me a guy. I'll end up spending the rest of my life wasted away with no relationship, joy or sex?
Only way it works is if ALL women stop putting out. But that's not gonna happen.
So it's back to square one of the problem. How do you get a guy to want more than just sex? To take a chance on love?

[FunkyMonkee]

I guess it starts with his parents. They have to teach him to go after her for LOVE, NOT just pussy. so, if you end up having kids, MAKE SURE you teach THEM to chase LOVE and NOT LUST!! Maybe other parents will take the hint and do the same with their kids.

[Crimsyjo]

I highly doubt it. Most kids grow up without a father figure to teach them about loving the mother/wife. So what does that teach? They just fucked your mum then left. Prob fucked other women so you got half siblings here and there too.

I have two daughters by the way. Can't say there view of men is gonna be great either. A dad that didn't bother. Said he would "bother when grown up" but now my daughter turned 18 he completely cut off. Tho he hasn't even seen her in like 2 years. Just sended money to them.

Then my boyfriend who was abusive and they had to experience shouting and fighting and me wanting to run away.

My latest boyfriend also abusive aggression but I dumped him fast this time.

Now they know I go meet "boyfriends" that are younger than me. 🤷‍♀️
My mum, sister, friends... all single. Never a consistent man in our lives. Never a decent one.
Is it men's fault? Women's fault? Neither?, I don't know.

[FunkyMonkee]

Well, THERE YA GO!! If you're GONNA fuck a guy and let him knock you up, shouldn't you STAY with him to give your kid (s) a father?
Is there ANY reason MOM can't teach that? Maybe Grandpa?
Sounds to me like it's women's fault for having such shit taste in men or at least being so willing to spread her legs like an ocean at the slightest suggestion. Probably also women's fault for not teaching their daughters, anymore, to BE more selfish, or at LEAST CAREFUL with her pussy!! Those things are LOADED by the time you turn 11 and just ONE SPERM will get the baby factory working in full gear!! Just `cause you've GOT ONE doesn't mean you HAVE to use it!!

[Crimsyjo]

I was with my guy 5 years before deciding to have a baby AND insisted on marriage first before I would have children with him. So haha is that what you call spreading your legs? How can you tell a man will become a shit useless father until it's too late? Cos before kids we worked and travelled and had eachother so it seemed good. I didn't really notice he was weak in terms of leading the relationship. It's only after kids when he boo hoo'd about feeling unloved saying the baby hated him cos of crying if he held her and cos he wasn't helping I wasn't getting a single break and getting 'burned out' which effected my mental health. Basically he was a baby needing looking after. Which was fine when it was just us but when I needed looking after he was incapable.
My fault picking a weak man? He didn't seem weak at first. I was 19. He was 31. He looked manly. You think 19 year olds should be wise and have all the knowledge of men and relationships? When never had one before?
I was 26 before we had a baby.
I fell out of love with him when I miscarried on Christmas day and he told me not to spoil the day crying about it. I still held on 3 years for "sake of our daughter".
Again... so easy to blame the women for things she can't see until late. Where is the blame on the man? Why are they not holding up their part of responsibility to protect and provide and help as a family unit? You can't make a relationship work when it's one sided no matter how much you might want to. Only reason it looked like it worked back in the day was because women had no choice but to stay and put up with poor quality men.

I don't wanna argue tho. I agree with a lot of what you say can be true. But men need to raise their quality and morales too not just women.

[FunkyMonkee]

Spread your legs: i. e.: let just about any guy fuck you just because he said he wants to.

[Mark987]

I think as of now I believe both sides are guilty of this. People care about just hooking up and having fun than being in a relationship, in my opinion

[Crimsyjo]

Is it bad that I am hooking up whilst looking for a relationship? I keep saying I will stop. But finding a relationship seems so long and difficult I can't just sit back and be sad. But am I just adding to the problem?

[Tarifa]

I sure haven't. Even if it's falling in love with the wrong person at the wrong time. Agony and pain can be part of the process.

I think the modern world is built on instant gratification. Speeding things up doesn't necessarily make them easier or more rewarding. I cherish the moments where you spend time to get to know each other. Flirting and progressing step by step, getting closer but holding out for a little longer is what makes the journey a thrilling ride.

[Nerdvana]

I haven't. But I think falling in love is so much different than it use be. I miss writing secret letters to some one. Buying flowers. Going on a date to watch a movie, then having dinner afterwards and talking about the movie. Staying up really late talking on the phone, because I enjoy hearing her voice. I really miss calling a radio station and making a dedication to a woman.

[Crimsyjo]

I want that stuff!

[Garud]

I can't say for everyone but I have met girls who have big dreams and think they are great, so nothing even starts, let alone progressing to the point where love starts flowing.
Will I meet someone who is down to earth, that's what I hope

[Nikki1989]

Some have. I think some have become so brainwashed by the nonsense that is fed to them on social media or websites like g@g that they have dug a big hole for themselves.

[HighValue]

No reason to love women when they are immoral and low quality with a promiscuous past, or have kids from past relationships, or a past of drug use or heavy alcohol use, or that treat men very unfairly like most women do. They often tend to bring stress, drama, and financial ruin to men's lives.

[CB-Raido-Time]

Relationship wise for certain I have been alone almost 40 years and no I haven't forgotten how to love at all and I do love and fall in love too. Only I keep that love to myself I don't talk about it and I don't display it it has no potential and there is no intentions of pursuing it.

[CB-Raido-Time]

Love is there I just don't pursue it.

[Crimsyjo]

Awww. I'm guessing you have your reasons. I was much happier when I didn't want and wasn't looking for love. But alas, I can't turn off this desire.

[CB-Raido-Time]

The desire was always there but everything was seen in a negative light IE, I wasn't rich, she's too old she's too young on and on until finally I fixed it by deciding to keep to myself and never pursue again.

[CB-Raido-Time]

And in actuality that decision was made over 38 years ago and year by year every year from 38 years ago validated the decision even further.

[NathanOlipop]

There's been women I've been in a state of limerence over and when you approach them and say what you want, even at peak attraction, they will be not interested or worse if they're a genuine low class woman, will pretend you're trying to assault them and try to get you in as much trouble as they can thanks to lyndon b johnson and the criminal justice system that hates men.

[Raaj4you]

I fell in love with some sweet girls. Unfortunately, they didn't love me back. Why? Bcoz girls don't fall in love. First, girls evaluate men and then they decide to fall in love. I fell in love with girls without evaluating them. I was also attracted to some sweet beautiful girls, Hindu, Muslim, Christian, Sikh. My attraction wasn't based on her religion. Later, I came to know about their religions. Love has no boundaries and borders.

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

The 90% "problem" is not new, from experience it has always been like this. For friendship, for love, for anything at all. I don't even see that as a problem, it's just normal life :)

[Crimsyjo]

That's too sad!! If it's normal to not know love or even want to love?

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

Nah, it's not what I meant at all haha
I meant that I'm used to consider that I can't match with 90% of people randomly picked in a street, be it for friendship or romantic love. It doesn't work, it never worked and it isn't a problem since I'm used to it. This is what I mean !

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

So, there is no problem at all with falling in love I can see, the problem is just about compatibility. A compatibility that is far from being a given, it's the opposite, in my experience

[NathanDavis]

focus on that 10%

that's still 400 million men... and ideally, you only need one (=

[CuriousMoonFox]

I have made the opposite experience. Many men fall in love too easily even if they try very hard not to because it is more or less obvious that the women in question are only interested in friendship.

[HeartSpeaker]

Men haven't actually forgotten how to fall in love; the perception that "you have to be strong" imposed by society and superficial relationships make it difficult for them to show their feelings. But there are still many men who want pure, true love.

[JasonGrad09]

I think it goes both ways. Women will totally want to hook up but deny their feelings and act like a guy they just met is crazy for wanting some action because of the worry that society will shame them (usually it’s incels who do that anyway so who cares, they act like they don’t want to bang too - obviously a lie)

[sawno]

No definitely not haha, love grows and is built its not instant

[Crimsyjo]

Exactly. But generations have no patience anymore. People expect everything instantly. And forgotten that love is rarely like that.

[Juxtapose]

I have fallen in love before! It happens when I start to feel like my girl truly cares about me and I want to be with her forever. It starts off small and grows.

[Crimsyjo]

I was thinking of you and a few others when I made sure to put most and not all men.

It seems people (men and women) have no patience to let it grow anymore? Like if it's not instant it's a big "NEXT" and move on! I'm probably guilty of this too tbf. Sometimes. Tho I do try as I like conversation if initial spark isn't there.

[Juxtapose]

Well thank you!

Love is rarely so simply as to immediately jump in your face and make you feel amazing all the time with tons of emotional highs like you're on drugs or something. People treat romance too much like movies and it's kind of sad!

Love is also a choice to me. You choose to treat the other person well and be devoted to them even if your hormones and brain chemistry isn't really having you wooing over them at the moment.

[Crimsyjo]

Well that's very mature and fair. Becsuse relationships are cyclic. Sometimes you can feel super lucky and so in love. Other times it feels mundane or just not so magical. Which is just life really and people need to have patience in relationships through these ups and downs (whilst also putting effort in to not let it stay on a down)

[Juxtapose]

I agree! That's why I have friendship that has lasted most of my life and is still ongoing. My friend and I have even yelled at each other before, gotten pissed for a few days but we get over it. Most of the time things are peaceful.

Why can't romance be like that? I know compatibility is important and sometimes it doesn't work out despite best efforts but damn do people give up easily.

[Juxtapose]

But actually when you think of how few people introspect and how few people even have an internal monologue? It all starts to make sense.

[Crimsyjo]

Haha yeah. My friends with benefits have our moments. But I'm impressed it's been a year now.

I have only one friend who I have had for 20 years. We sometimes talk a lot. Sometimes nothing for ages. But it's comfortable. Easy.

I like the answer @MicahRaine gave about people expecting 100% compatibility and throwing it away at 80%. Nobody, especially living together, is going to like everything all the time about eachother lol

[WhitneySnow]

Not all of them. At least not the ones my age. But then again there are also a lot who just want to hook up.

[Sevenpointfive]

i put on her high heels and negligee and prance around. oh shit. that wasn't my wife's

[Unit1]

I looooooveeeeeee girls and women 🥰❤💕

But it seems there's no girl in my vicinity willing to reciprocate.

[Vegasrunner]

Guys certainly shouldn't fall in love w/ women, as it doesn't benifit them. Women are the ones that need to fall in love to feel happy.

[Emmytexrex]

90% is too much there are some good ones out there but a lot of women can't see them lol

[Crimsyjo]

I know !! Why can't we see the good ones? Where y'all hiding?

[LiamJHayden]

Not sure how that is defined. I will commit and love a lady who shows herself worthy of that. I do not decide based upon feelings.

[msc545]

No guys have just become aware that a lot of women have simply fallen in love with money and don't feel like supporting their habits.

[Quigly]

Really?

The Bible has stories of people trading a few Goats for someone's daughter to Mary.

How's that for Romance?

[Jay-_-]

A little re-state//background_color_rgba (0, 0, 0, 0), font_color_rgb (77, 77, 77), justifyLeft

[Anonymous]

Love is for the young, I'm not young so to me love is just a heart disease

[Crimsyjo]

Awwwww nooo. You are still young!!

[Opinion Owner]

As a said to someone the other week my birth certificate says 26 but my health and lifestyle I'm more like 62 and eyeballing my pension, not that I have one

[Crimsyjo]

I'm sorry to hear that xx

[ComingRightHere]

No we haven't forgetten, we just haven't found a woman like you to be in love with:)

[MasterKS]

Fuck in love is better than fall in love! LMAO!

[Anonymous]

No, but in my situation, it's always unrequited love :(

[Cinar3434]

I've never been in love

[Crazzyyworld]

Men = women.. they want love too

[Jackson2005]

I don't know, actually. Maybe.

[Slim57]

Nah, we're loving the wrong women

[Crimsyjo]

Come love meeeee then! Haha. No. I know. I'm too old for you lol.
It does seem the case that the good Ken who do fall in love get the gold digging, cheating, narcissistic women. And the good women get the lying, cheating, drug dealer bad boys.
Sigh...

[Slim57]

Lol, you're not too old I've dated your age when I was younger, I am taken though, I talk about loving the wrong women and I definitely have, but think I got a good one now luckily

[Crimsyjo]

Haha I've had a boyfriend ten years younger than me. But any lower and I'd not consider it likely to be long term.
I'm glad you got a good one now! Where/how did you meet?

[Slim57]

I get that, nothing was ever long term for me before this one (not my choice to be short term) but she supplies my company and met her through mutual acquaintances, gave one of them my number to give to her, she got back to me, we went out, been together since almost 3 years in May, my longest relationship

[Crimsyjo]

Ugh!!!
I say ugh cos haha I do think the best way to meet someone genuine and not have all this hook up mess from guys is through acquaintancs or through work!! (and online makes them say things they never would if you met at work) .
But unless I change my job I can't meet people that way! You actually influenced my tinder question! Wondering if it's possible to meet online at all!

[Slim57]

Yeah that's true, I meant to say all the ones before her were through online dating as well

[Crimsyjo]

Ahh but then most women want a relationship. Or consistency. If we hook up with a guy we obviously are attracted. So if he wants to keep coming back, hang out, and/or turn it into official relationship girls are happy with that. Or very upfront early on if 100% looking for something non commital.
But it doesn't work other way.
If I met a guy, liked him and started asking to see him more he would class that as clingy, emotional and run a mile.
Guys control the ability to turn it into a relationship or not. I think. There's lots of guys I would have been happy to have seen lots of and have lots of sex and got to know better through hanging out. But they just want the sex part. That's why I get frustrated. And I say no to sex with guys over 35. Like before even meeting and 1st date. But don't even get to first date as they just want sex.

[Slim57]

Not from my experience lol, I was the one who wanted a relationship, all for one but that was mutual

[CubaPirate]

Not this one