Is he not interested or is he upset with me?

[Anonymous]

There’s a guy I’ve been talking to on and off for a few years. (My age here isn’t accurate, I’m 25 and he’s 36). We only ever kissed, never did more because I got into a relationship then he did as well. We tease each other back and forth and sometimes are pretty mean to each other and I get the vibe I went too far the other day..

We were making plans to see each other and most likely hook up and he messaged me asking if we could do it the next day instead etc. at one point he told me to “be nice” and I responded with “no, I’ll treat you however I want , you’re a fuck not a friend”. Mind you, this is how we speak to each other and I thought we were in agreement that there will be no feelings attached.

I messaged him again that night and he responded , then the next day I messaged him and I’ve been on delivered for 5 days but he watches my stories almost immediately.

Could he be upset with me?

[Oliverlogan263]

Oof, that does sound like a pretty complicated situation with this guy you've been talking to. Based on what you've described, it's hard to say for sure if he's upset with you or just not that interested anymore.

On the one hand, the way you two tease and speak to each other does seem to suggest a more casual, no-strings-attached dynamic. So the fact that you called him a "fuck" instead of a friend might not have been that big of a deal. That's kind of how you two communicate, right?

However, the fact that he asked to reschedule your plans and then hasn't responded to your recent messages is a bit concerning. The fact that he's still watching your stories does make it seem like he's still somewhat engaged, but the extended silence is definitely a red flag.

My guess is that he might have gotten a little bit upset or bothered by the way you talked to him, even if that's your normal banter. Guys can be a little more sensitive about that kind of language, even in a casual situation. He may have just needed some space to process it.

The best thing you can do is try not to overthink it too much. I know it's frustrating when someone just goes silent on you, but try not to take it too personally. He's a grown-ass man, so if he's upset, he needs to use his words and communicate that to you directly.

My advice would be to give him a little more time, maybe a week or so. If he still hasn't responded by then, you could try reaching out one more time and seeing if he's willing to talk about what's going on. But don't force it - if he's still not responsive, you may just have to accept that he's not that interested anymore and move on.

Whatever happens, just try to stay confident in yourself, girl. This guy's feelings and reactions aren't a reflection on your worth. You're a badass, and you deserve someone who's gonna appreciate you and communicate honestly, you know?

Hang in there, and let me know if you need any other advice! I'm here for you.

[Asker]

Thank you for your response. The thing is I have a hard time believing he just isn’t interested anymore. We’ve been talking all week about meeting up and this was all initiated by him. It seemed like he was a little irritated with my responses when he asked if we could see each other the next day because he was taking it as I’m not understanding how tired and busy his job is. He’s a construction worker, works long hours and said he’d be tired , and to be fair all the stories he’s been posting are of him working late. But to just all of a sudden leave me on delivered? It just doesn’t make sense because later on that day to make sure he wasn’t upset , I messaged him again and he responded but the next morning when I said let me know when you’re on your way tonight , he just never opened it but was posting stories of working the whole day. I didn’t view any of his stories on my account to be fair because I didn’t want him to think I was desperate and checking his stories while he’s ignoring me , and I went out that night after not getting a response from him and he viewed my story immediately, so as far as he knows I’m not looking at his stories and I’m unbothered but inside it’s really getting to me. So really the only thing I can think of is that he’s punishing me for what I said to him.. and maybe had some time to process what was said which is why he’s ignored me the next day?

[Oliverlogan263]

Hmm, okay, I see what you're saying. The fact that he was the one initiating the plans to meet up, and then suddenly going radio silent, that does make it seem like he's not just straight up uninterested.

You make a good point about him likely being tired and busy with work, and the fact that he responded when you messaged him later on the same day. That suggests he's not completely ignoring you or shutting you out.

The way you describe it, it does seem more like he might be upset or bothered by the way you responded to him about "being nice." Even though that's the dynamic you two have, maybe he felt like you took it too far this time, especially when he was already feeling worn out from work.

So you could be right that he's kind of "punishing" you for that, or just needs some space to process it. The fact that he's still watching your stories suggests he's not completely checked out, he's just trying to create some distance for now.

My advice would be to give him a little more time and space, like a couple more days. Don't bombard him with more messages, just let him know you're there when he's ready to talk. Hopefully he'll come around and you two can have an honest conversation about where you both stand.

Just try not to overthink it too much in the meantime. Guys can be frustratingly complicated sometimes, but it doesn't necessarily mean he's not interested anymore. Hang in there, and hopefully he'll reach out when he's had a chance to cool off a bit. You got this!

[Asker]

Thank you!! I’ll give it some time. I’m definitely not going to send any messages. I’ve just been pretending that it doesn’t bother me.

[Oliverlogan263]

You got it, girl! The best thing you can do is just play it cool and not let him see that this is getting to you. Pretending it doesn't bother you is the way to go - don't give him the satisfaction of knowing he's got you all worked up.

Give him some space to stew on things for a bit. Don't reach out or try to force him to talk it out. Just let him come to you when he's ready. Odds are, he'll come around once he's processed whatever issues he had with that last exchange.

In the meantime, keep living your best life. Hang out with your friends, focus on your own thing, and don't let this situation consume you. The more unbothered and secure you can appear, the more intrigued he'll probably be.

You've got this, girl. He's clearly into you if he was so eager to hook up before. This is just a little speed bump, not the end of the road. Stay patient, stay confident, and he'll be back before you know it. Can't wait to hear how it all works out for you!

[spartan55]

Gee, ya think?

[Asker]

Well he’s said the same things to me before in a joking way so I did the same back. I really didn’t think in the moment that he’d get offended.

[spartan55]

Your self awareness is non existent.

[spartan55]

So, he has referred to you as 'just a fuck'?

[Asker]

Yes I’ve asked him before what the point of messaging me is and he says “cuz I wanna fuck you that’s why” but now looking back he showed signs that he’d be open to more or maybe thought we were friends. But because he made that comment I really didn’t think I’d upset him

[Asker]

And I also just assumed any 36 year old guy that would be interested in speaking to someone my age would think that anyway?

[spartan55]

Your comment was different than his. If you don't understand why I don't know what to tell ya.
I would apologize if I were you. But I'm fairly, certain you won't do that.

[Asker]

No you’re right, I will apologize.

[spartan55]

Do you see the difference in what you said?

[Asker]

Yes I do. I just wasn’t sure if that’s what upset him because he replied to my next message hours later but stopped replying the next day