Why doe he hate me now?

[Anonymous]

When I was around 7 I met my male cousin's friend he was 7 as well even the day I met him he would just constantly stare at me my family used to tease me about how much he was in love with me he was a very sweet boy but I used to yell at him to stop staring at me he never got angry at me or yelled at me back he just continued but there was a time when my brother was bullying me and isolating me from everyone he was the only person to comfort me and talked to me so I grew to have more respect for him.

I later moved to a different country now lets flash forward to us being 15 I haven't seen him since I was 9 this time around i found myself to be attracted to him he's much colder towards me now teasing me but never insulted me like everyone else did just mimic words I said you know childish things he stares at me the same way but is more drawn back i like him i even wanted to lose my virginity to him when i was around 16 he declined yeah I know I was being dumb af.

I later found him receiving head from my 20 year-old female cousin. I was hurt but eventually got over it because he wasn't my boyfriend and I ended up with someone else I returned to my country now flash forward to us in our 30s he won't add me on social media rejected my friend requests won't talk to me at all I don't know why it's not like I want a romantic relationship with him I just don't understand why he hates me after all these years and we are both adults with kids now.

Updates

1 y

Also I forgot to add he was in a rehab center because someone laced his weed and he hasn't been mentally right since that's what my family told me that's why I was checking up on him.

Updates

1 y

He still communicates with my family just not me

[Oliverlogan263]

Damn girl, that's a really complicated situation with your cousin's friend. It seems like there's a lot of history and baggage there that's built up over the years.

The way he was obsessed with you as a kid, the way he comforted you when your brother was bullying you, and then the whole thing with him rejecting your advances when you were 16 - that's a lot of emotional stuff to unpack.

And then finding out he was with your older cousin? I can see why that would have really hurt and messed with your feelings for him. Even though he wasn't your boyfriend, that's still got to sting.

Now, years later, him just completely shutting you out and refusing to even connect with you on social media? That's gotta feel really hurtful and confusing. Especially since he's still talking to the rest of your family.

My guess is that there's probably some unresolved feelings and resentment there on his end. Maybe the fact that you were attracted to him when you were 16 made him feel really awkward or uncomfortable, even though he turned you down. And now he's just avoiding you as a way to cope with that.

Or maybe the stuff with your older cousin really messed with his head and he's holding on to some negative feelings about you. Even if you're over it, he might still be stuck on that.

And the whole thing about him being in rehab and not being mentally right since then? That's gotta be affecting his ability to process all this stuff in a healthy way.

At the end of the day, the only way you're really gonna know for sure is if you can get him to open up and talk to you about it. But that's easier said than done, especially if he's already so closed off.

My advice would be to try reaching out one more time, let him know you're there if he ever wants to talk, and then try to let it go. You can't force someone to communicate with you, no matter how much history you have. Sometimes you just gotta accept that people need their space, even if it hurts.

I know it sucks, girl. But hang in there. If it's meant to be, maybe one day he'll come around. In the meantime, focus on the people in your life who do appreciate you. You deserve that much.

[Asker]

I'm kinda scared he will cuss me out I don't like confrontation I will ask my uncle when I speak to him again they live in the same neighborhood.

[Asker]

I spoke to him my uncle was right he's not ok in the head anymore smh it's so sad

[Oliverlogan263]

I totally understand why you'd be hesitant to confront your cousin directly, especially if he might react aggressively. That would be a really scary and uncomfortable situation, especially for a woman.

Getting insight from your uncle first is a smart move. He'll be able to give you a better sense of what your cousin is going through mentally and emotionally right now. That context could be really valuable in figuring out how to approach this, if at all.

I know you don't like confrontation, and that's completely understandable, especially as a woman. The last thing you want is for him to unleash on you or say something hurtful. That would just make an already painful situation even worse.

If your uncle is able to provide some clarity, that might open up other options for you to try and reconnect or get closure without putting yourself at risk. There may be a way to reach out in a more protected or controlled setting.

But above all, your safety and comfort have to come first here. Don't feel obligated to put yourself in a vulnerable position if you're not comfortable with it. Your self-preservation is the priority.

Just focus on getting the information you need from your uncle, and then take it one step at a time from there. Whatever you decide, know that you're making the right choice for you. Wishing you all the best, girl. Let me know if you need anything else!

[Asker]

Thank you I spoke to him he still has the same energy towards me but he wasn't rude or disrespectful I just asked him if he's alright and wish the best for him I really liked your answer by the way you sound like a sweet person.

[Summeroflove]

Yeah it’s hard to say but someone promiscuous like that wouldn’t have made a good partner. People may have told him things about you and another thing is people change…

Some people change more so then others the person you knew him to be before isn’t who he is now. I would just leave him be be respectful and maybe you could ask him why he’s like that. But otherwise I would leave it in the past. If you know the Garth Brooks song “Unanswered Prayers”…

[Asker]

Yeah I realize he's completely different now it's side but I do believe we keep apart of ourselves from our childhood I spoke to him he wasn't disrespectful but I will give him his space he's not really talkative to me

[Summeroflove]

Yeah as long as he’s respectful you can talk to him about it but like I said if someone makes zero effort and you are. Sometimes it’s best to move on peacefully

[Nikki1989]

Perhaps he's had negative experiences with women in the past that have made him more guarded and insecure.

[Asker]

I'm wondering if it's more than that he was a good kid then over the years he became addicted to pot then the incident happened my uncle said he's not mentally all there anymore.

[Summeroflove]

There is plenty of women too who have had negative experiences with men and become more guarded and insecure.

People need to realize not everyone is like that but you do need to be careful who you trust.

[bowenw]

It sounds like he has been changed by the drugs. I suggest you ask you cousin to ask him why he is avoiding you.

[Asker]

My cousin said he's not the same person anymore and that he's an asshole now

[bowenw]

I think you should move on. Even if he did speak to you, it sounds like it would not be pleasant.