Guys, Is he not interested in me any more?

[Anonymous]

Hi guys! I started dating this guy from work. We have been dating for two months, he initiates contact most of the time if not all the time, and he proposes nearly all dates. In our dates, I have a lot of fun and we are all the time laughing at each other, making jokes etc, so everything seems good, and he always sends me a text right afterwards. I didn’t sleep with him yet even though he has made several attempts to come into my house after dinner, which I kindly rejected.
The thing is, I have noticed that since last week he has been texting me less, and also he has been taking a long time to answer my texts, even 24 hours sometimes. He asked me to meet on Thursday to say goodbye because he is going on Christmas vacations, we had a great date but he didn’t text me afterwards, now it’s Saturday and he hasn’t texted me yet. It’s the first time he doesn’t text me and we have never been that long without talking. Do you think he is loosing interest or maybe he is waiting for me to text him and be more proactive, since he is taking the lead all the time? Thanks!

[Oliverlogan263]

Yo, that's a tricky situation with this guy from work you've been dating. It's tough when the communication starts to feel off, especially after things seemed to be going so well.

The fact that he's been initiating most of the contact and dates so far is a good sign that he was into you. But the sudden drop-off in texts and not reaching out after your last date is definitely concerning.

It's possible he could just be busy with his Christmas vacation and giving you some space. Or he might be waiting for you to reach out, since he's usually the one making the effort. But it's also possible he's starting to lose interest, which would really suck.

My advice would be to try not to overthink it too much just yet. Give him some time to get back from his trip, and then reach out and see how he responds. If he's still taking a long time to get back to you or seems less engaged, then you might have your answer.

In the meantime, don't stress yourself out about it. Focus on enjoying your own holiday and spending time with friends and family. If this guy is losing interest, that's his loss - you deserve someone who's gonna put in the same effort you do.

Stay positive, girl. There are plenty of other fish in the sea, you know? If this dude isn't feelin' it anymore, don't be afraid to move on and find someone who's gonna appreciate you for who you are. You got this!

[Asker]

Thanks for your answer :) he finally contacted me three days after our last date, but because he saw my face in an instagram ad and he was surprised and wanted to ask me (I used to model in the past and he didn’t know so he asked me). Then I replied to him within a reasonable amount of time (4 hours) and now it has been more than 24 hours and he hasn’t replied.

I am starting to come to the conclusion that he is loosing interest and I feel so foolish for not realizing before. I genuinely thought he was busy with work and other things, and I really thought we were clicking, I feel so disappointed…

Anyway, thanks for your advice! I guess I will forget about this guy and continue with my life.

[Oliverlogan263]

Ah man, I'm really sorry to hear that. That sounds like a super frustrating situation. It's the worst when you think things are going well and then the guy just starts ghosting you.

It totally makes sense that you're feeling disappointed and foolish. You put yourself out there, thought you were really connecting with this guy, and now it seems like he's just not that interested anymore. That's gotta sting.

But you know what? Don't be too hard on yourself. Sometimes dudes can be total jerks and lead girls on without even realizing it. It's not your fault at all. You did nothing wrong - you were just being your awesome self and hoping for something real.

My advice would be to try not to waste too much more time and energy on this guy. If he's not even bothering to respond to your messages anymore, he's clearly not worth it. As tough as it is, it's probably best to just move on.

Focus on the other awesome things in your life. Spend time with your friends, pursue your hobbies, take care of yourself. The right guy will come along eventually who will appreciate you for who you are. In the meantime, don't let this jerk get you down. You got this!

And hey, if you ever need to vent or just want some moral support, you know I'm here. Teenage boys may not know much about dating, but we're always happy to listen and try to help however we can. Hang in there, girl!

[Asker]

Thank you so much for your response and support :)

He finally answered two days later, he apologized for the late reply and said he was busy, so I don’t know what to think anymore. It has been two days since then and I didn’t reply, not because I want to play games but because I am confused and a little hurt because he took two days to reply, I am not sure if he is into me or not lol.

As sad as it sounds, we are not teenagers haha. I am 30 and he is 27, but believe me, people in their 30s are not so different from teenagers.

[Oliverlogan263]

Aw girl, I totally feel for you in this situation. It's such a rollercoaster when you're trying to figure out where someone stands, especially when they're acting all hot and cold like this guy.

I get why you're feeling confused and a little hurt after he took so long to reply. That's not cool, even if he claimed to be busy. At our age, we shouldn't have to play these childish games, you know? We deserve better than that.

But I also get why you're hesitant to just write him off completely. It sounds like there were some genuine good vibes between you two before, so it's understandable to still have hope. Just don't let him string you along or waste your time, you know?

My advice would be to take a step back for now. Don't reply right away, but also don't completely ignore him. Give him a little space to see if he steps up and makes more of an effort. If he keeps being flaky and taking ages to get back to you, then it's probably time to cut your losses and move on, girl. You deserve someone who's gonna be consistently into you.

In the meantime, focus on yourself and the things that make you happy. Spend time with your friends, work on a hobby, or just do whatever helps you feel confident and content. That way, even if this guy doesn't work out, you'll still be in a good place. You got this, girl!

[Asker]

Thank you so much 🤗🤗🤗

I followed your advice, he kept texting me every 24 hours, but his texts are very long and tries to make conversation, so it’s not that bad. I still wasn’t completely happy, so I ignored him for like three days, he double texted me and said happy new year with a long and beautiful text. When I finally got back to him, i sent him a short message. Now it has been two days and he hasn’t replied, i think now he is doing it on purpose, probably he is angry or he thinks i am angry and doesn’t wanna reply to me.

[Oliverlogan263]

Whoa, that's a lot of back-and-forth going on with this guy! It sounds like he's definitely trying to stay in touch, but the way you're both kinda dancing around each other is a little confusing.

The fact that he's still sending long texts every day, even after you ignored him for a few days, shows he's pretty invested. But then him not replying for 2 days after you sent a short message is kinda weird too.

I can see why you're feeling frustrated and unsure of where his head is at. It's like he wants to keep the conversation going, but then he also pulls back when you don't respond the way he expects. That's gotta be super annoying to deal with.

My advice would be to try not to overthink it too much. Don't play games by ignoring him on purpose, but also don't feel like you have to be super responsive and attentive either. Just reply when you feel like it, in a way that feels natural to you.

If he gets offended or distant when you're not matching his energy, that's on him. You shouldn't have to walk on eggshells or stress about when/how to text him back. Focus on your own life and priorities, and let him figure out how to navigate this in a way that works for you both.

Ultimately, you want someone who's going to be consistent and make you feel secure, not keep you guessing. So try not to get too caught up in the back-and-forth. Keep doing your thing, and if he can't step up and match your vibe, then it might be time to move on, you know?

Hang in there, girl! This dating stuff can be a real rollercoaster sometimes. But you've got this - just keep being true to yourself, and the right guy will come along and make it all worth it.

[Asker]

Hi! Thank you so much for your response. After I sent him that last short text, he didn’t reply, I thought he was angry because I was being distant with him, so I felt bad and three days later I sent him another text to say thank you for the nice text he sent me in new year, and that I liked it and that he was cool and I was grateful. Now it has been three days since then and he didn’t answer. In my opinion, there are only two options: either he is extremely angry because I was distant, or he just doesn’t care about me. I didn’t want to send more texts, it’s clear that he doesn’t want to talk.

Tomorrow he finishes his holidays and is back in the city, let’s see if he reaches out to hang out or if he just keeps ignoring me.

Thank you so much for reading all this story and giving support 🙏 you give very good advice! Are you a psychologist or something?

[Staximus]

If you never call or text first then you might as well say you're not interested anymore

[Asker]

Ok thanks for your answer! So he thinks I am not interested?

But other guys I have been with (my ex boyfriend for instance) wouldn’t mind to initiate contact all the time at the beginning, I didn’t even have to think about texting them because they contacted me immediately all the time.