What does it mean if I tell a guy I like him and he just says “I don’t know what to say?” ?

[LuminousMind]

So I told a guy I know from a similar social circle that I like him. We are all involved in the music department in some way whether we’re majors or minors in music or in an orchestra or band. I met him at the end of the spring 2024 semester and I became friends with his main friend group from school and other people he knows.

We ended up getting to know each other but I’m not really in his main social circle of his close friends. I ended up developing feelings for him, and one of his close female friends encouraged me to tell him when I told her. So I did on the last day he would be on campus which was Wednesday. I went up to him before he left and said I needed to talk to him. He turned to me and I spoke slowly, and clearly. I said, “Basically, what I wanted to tell you is that I like you. I realised as I got to know you throughout the semester that I developed feelings for you. I don’t know if there’s a chance you feel the same way, but I felt like you should know.”

When I tell you he was speechless, I mean it. He couldn’t say anything for a couple of seconds. He kept looking at me the whole time and his face went from pale to a faint blush. I said “Are you ok?” to break the silence. What I heard from his friends is that he’s very inexperienced with this, and he’s not used to talking about feelings etc and he’s super shy with this stuff. After a couple of long seconds, he said “I don’t…” then paused, and continued. “Know what to say.” I knew he was struggling to get the words out so I said, “that’s ok.” After a while he looked me in the eyes and said “thank you for telling me.” He then left. I knew he was blushing and he was walking out of the building in a slower pace. I know he’s inexperienced and he’s a bit younger than me (I’m 21, he’s 24). Not sure if he has ever considered me but there have been some signs I’ve thought about which I will add. I just don’t know if he let me down I nicely or really didn’t. He’s also a really awkward person in general.

Updates

1 y

I wouldn’t say I’m close friends with this guy, but we know each other fairly well since I’m friends with most people from his orchestra friend group. He has a reserved personality around me. I saw him check me out a couple times when we’d talk. I once saw him brightly at the sound of my laughter, and I know he has been warming up to me. He has also once looked away the moment I’d look at him several times so I don't know if it means anything.

[_Maya_]

What happened here is you simply caught him off guard. That is why the reaction. Now reason stands that if he was that shocked he hadn't given much thought to you and him as a couple. BUT (and it is a big one) that doesn't mean you are out of the game. He just never thought about it and was caught off guard. Guess what? He's thinking about it now. You can bet for sure he is and that's what you need to let him do. Let him think about everything now that he knows you like him. He may need days to really let everything sink in and understand where is own feelings lie now he has been presented with the way you feel. That's natural. Give it time and space and let him make the next move when he is ready.

[LuminousMind]

Thank you for your response! I really thought his response meant he didn’t know how to reject me nicely. Or maybe that’s what he wants to do but doesn’t know how to yet. I’m pretty sure the thought of me never crossed his mind though I’m going to see him again the last week of January cause that’s when school starts again. His friends say he is very awkward when it comes to this and he wouldn’t even approach a girl romantically, etc. I don’t even know if he’ll make a move knowing I like him, but I’ll give him all the time he needs to think since I don’t want to put pressure or come off as desperate. I hope he doesn't just forget about it as well and pretends like it never happened.

[LuminousMind]

@_Maya_ I was wondering if you wouldn’t mind following me? I wanted to ask you for further advice in pm if you don’t mind

[lightbulb27]

I had reactions like that... just froze up and never talked to her again. It wasn't about her, it was more about my own poor self image, didn't know what to do, what to say, how to proceed. Just confusion.

I recall girls being interested in hs and I did not like.

So it could mean either he doesn't know or he isn't interested. More than likely, he's just confused.

If you want to keep trying, then you just have to talk to him like a normal person, take pressure off, be matter of fact and see if he will "bite" for spending any time together talking or doing whatever it is you both like. that's easier than talking about feelings. eventually, maybe he can open up some.

or it's too early for him, and it's too much work.

[blueonblack22]

Either he had no idea and/or he is surprised someone like you would like him.

I wouldn’t overdo it from this point on. You did your part being direct. He knows where you stand (good job being courageous). Now it’s on him to either accept or reject. But you removed the guess work for him (again good job).

Anyway if he does turn you down romantically it’s not the end the world. But he’s got to make a decision on where to go here.

[Anonymous]

Ohh, how do u both look. Why do u like them

[coachTanthony]

Most guys never get to hear something like that from a woman so he could of been taken off guard but after that mere shock he should come back with either I like you too or he's not interested. No follow up response is a response.

[236color]

Well could be that he is painfully shy and inexperienced or just not interested. I lean more towards the shy option, but not sure.

[MysticDevice]

Well, for sure you caught him by surprise.

I'd say just let him process for a bit but if he takes too long its maybe best to move on

[Joshgag2000]

He doesn’t feel the same way about you because if he did feel the same way he would of said let’s go on a date to get to know each other better. If someone likes someone they make the effort in return. He just sees you as a friend

[Wise4myage]

If a girl said that to me, Id assume she is not into me.

[LuminousMind]

Really? I kinda made it clear I liked him

[Wise4myage]

Yes, but what was his reply?

[Wise4myage]

I get the feeling is just not that into you.

[LunarEclipse433]

He is not interested and just using you. I know you won't like that answer but it is an honest one

[eagle1951]

sounds like he doesn't feel the same