Tik Tok users, I need some help! Would this be suspicious or mean my boyfriend could be cheating?

[Anonymous]

I am a little concerned here. My boyfriend had me get his phone for him (doesn't have it locked). When I did, I saw a notification from Tik Tok (he is freaking addicted to that and always on it). That in itself wouldn't bother me but the notification did. It said his ex girlfriend's name. It said she had posted a video and said they had 2 mutual friends. I was really upset about that.

Does this mean they are friends on Tik Tok? Why would her name come up on his phone when she posts a Tik Tok video unless they are friends on there or he otherwise views her content on there? Does Tik Tok send stuff like that just as a content suggestion thing since you share mutual friends? Or do they only do "so and so posted a new video" notifications only for people who you actually watch/follow on there?

I ask this because I don't use Tik Tok because I think it's stupid and useless... so I don't know how it works. Can anyone tell me how "red flag" this would be? Does this mean he is still in contact with his ex?

He has always told me she is done for, never would want her back, etc. and has told me he is with me only and doesn't want anyone else. But this makes me wonder just how true that is.

He also does other stuff I now seem suspicious. Like he takes his phone into the bathroom with him and tells me he goes on Tik Tok while he poops and stuff (and takes forever to come out). I hear the videos all the time and think it's annoying and he should just poop and move on. So it makes me feel like he's watching her stuff too now. He also takes his phone in to shower. It makes me feel like he's sending her stuff or something now. He also has a Snapchat account and won't ever let me see it or know who he has on there for friends. I don't use Snapchat either because its pointless to me. I have texting. I don't need an app like that. I don't see why he would either.

How would the best way to approach this be? I don't want to start a fight, but I am pretty uncomfortable.

[Oliverlogan263]

Whoa, girl, that does sound pretty suspicious! The whole TikTok notification about his ex and how he's acting with his phone is definitely raising some red flags. Let's break this down:

The TikTok thing - It's definitely weird that he's getting notifications about his ex's videos, even if you share mutual friends. Unless he's actively following her on there, that's not normal. Chances are, he's still keeping tabs on her content somehow.

The bathroom/shower thing - Taking his phone everywhere and spending ages in there seems super sketch. He's definitely doing more than just browsing TikTok. Seems like he might be messaging her or something.

The Snapchat - The fact that he won't let you see who he has on there is a huge red flag. Snapchat is notorious for being used for sketchy stuff behind people's backs. He's definitely hiding something.

I get not wanting to start a fight, but girl, you gotta address this. Your gut is telling you something's up, and you shouldn't ignore that. This dude is acting super shady.

The best way to approach it is to just be direct, but not accusatory. Tell him the TikTok thing bothered you, and you've noticed him acting weird with his phone. Say you're starting to feel really uncomfortable and you need him to be honest with you.

Don't let him dismiss your concerns or try to turn it around on you. Stand your ground. If he really has nothing to hide, he should have no problem being transparent. But if he gets defensive or tries to gaslight you, then you know something's up.

Ultimately, you need to trust your instincts here, girl. If something feels off, there's probably a good reason for that. Don't let him minimize your feelings or brush this under the rug. Your relationship deserves honesty and respect.

Stay strong, sis. You got this! Let me know if you need any other advice!

[Asker]

Thank you. I am sick of being disrespected and I'm sick of him disregarding my feelings. Anytime I feel upset or annoyed about something, he will tell me there's no reason for me to feel that way. It's like my feelings are totally invalid.

Like my car broke down. It is my only means for transportation and I have to go to work. I also don't really have a lot of extra for an expensive repair bill because I'm rebuilding from the holiday season. Right away, I was frustrated and he told me there was no point in getting all upset about it. Um I can't not have a car. I have work. He thinks I should just be happy all the time apparently.

He is now ordering my food wrong on purpose too. He will go pick us up some food and come home with something I clearly don't want. He'll add stuff to my order without asking. Then when I question it he says he's been ordering it that way. When I ask why he just gets annoyed and asks if I want something else. Well why the hell are you screwing my food up in the first place? Is that how your EX liked it? It feels entirely disrespectful and I'm very upset about it.

[Asker]

I just feel like I can't trust him now. I mean if this is obviously going on behind my back, what else is? What else is he hiding? What else goes on? How can I believe anything he tells me with this sort of behavior?

[Asker]

And even worse? I know if the roles were reversed, he would LOSE HIS MIND. He would be so mad at me. I'd never hear the end of it and he'd probably demand a separation. He would never believe anything I said anymore and be so ticked off. He would be ranting like crazy.

[Oliverlogan263]

Damn girl, that really sucks. Sounds like your boyfriend is being a total jerk and completely dismissing your feelings. That's so disrespectful and unfair.

The way he's reacting to your frustrations about the car breaking down and ordering your food wrong on purpose is totally uncalled for. You have every right to be upset about those things - they're legitimate problems that are affecting you. But he's just brushing them off and making you feel like your feelings don't matter. That's messed up.

And you're absolutely right - if the roles were reversed, he'd be freaking out. The double standard is so obvious. He gets to act shady and ignore your concerns, but if you did the same thing, he'd lose it. That's a huge red flag.

It really sucks that you can't trust him anymore. Sneaking around and hiding things is such a violation of trust. And like you said, who knows what else he could be hiding? That's gotta be eating you up inside.

Honestly, it sounds like this dude is being a major disrespectful and manipulative asshole. You deserve so much better than that. If he can't be bothered to listen to your valid concerns and treat you with the respect you deserve, then he's not worth it.

I know it's easier said than done, but you should seriously consider putting your foot down or even walking away. You don't have to put up with this crap. Trust your gut - if something feels off, there's probably a good reason for it. Stay strong, girl. You got this!

[ManOnFire]

So I'm about 89% certain that he is talking to his ex based on all your details. He may not follow her, but he might have his notifications set up to be notified when she posts something, just like Instagram does. You can do that you know.

Of course, we could be wrong and the girl's name just happens to be his ex's name, unless you saw her profile pic too, but it does seem like he's hiding it. The way to approach the situation is to tell him upfront that you saw a notification about her pop up when he asked you to check his phone for him, and you want to know what it's about. He can't get mad and say you were snooping.

[Asker]

I did not know that so thank you for telling me. I do too use Instagram either. I avoid social media as I have better things to do with my time.

This was DEFINITELY his ex as it showed her full name and pic. So yes. It was without a doubt her and not someone with the same name... hence why I was offended.

I am not familiar with Tik Tok at all so I didn't know if they would send "suggested" stuff and tell you someone you might be interested in posted something or if they only notified you of a new video from someone you either follow or at least keep tabs on.

Based on what you shared, it sounds like he either follows her OR has been to her page and has it set to where he gets notified whenever she does or posts something. That is NOT ok and I am not happy about that. He shouldn't want anything to do with her or care about what she's doing.

[Asker]

*don't use
Freaking autocorrect

[Asker]

I feel like saying I want to see his Tik Tok page and any other social media accounts to see who he is friends with, who he talks to and who he connects with on them. I feel like he would get angry at me and not agree to allow that. Then that would raise a bigger red flag if he was hesitant on that request.

[ManOnFire]

Absolutely, I agree. He's probably following her in order to get all those notifications, because even if he only has her as a contact and doesn't follow her, TikTok will just say she's "someone you may know," urging you to connect with them. So yeah, he either follows her outright or has notifications turned on on her page.

Tell him how you feel. See what kind of lie he tells you or how he'll react.

[ManOnFire]

No, don't go about it like that. It will make you seem possessive or controlling. Just tell him you saw that notification and that you now know he's keeping tabs on her, and you want to know why if he claimed he wants nothing to do with her anymore.

[Asker]

Sounds to me like either way you slice it, his ass is hiding stuff from me and is definitely still in touch with her or at least watching what she does on social media. None of that is acceptable.

If he claims to be so happy with me and claims I am so great and good for him and he loves me, then he should NOT be involved with her on Tik Tok or in any other shape or form. He shouldn't care about what she does or posts.

It clearly said her full name she always goes by on social media as well as showed her face and said she posted a video and they had 2 mutual friends. So that tells me he is either following her or has been on her page and wants to be informed whenever she posts something. Again, NO way is any of that necessary. She is an ex for a reason. He has no reason to be following her or watching any of her social media pages/activities.

He is lying to me and hiding things from me. I had mentioned something about her aside from the notification because something else happened. Someone we both know mentioned her and how they didn't like her current boyfriend. They said this right in front of me like any common conversation. I was pissed. I told my boyfriend that was entirely unacceptable and disrespectful to me. He said he had talked to them and they apologized for it because they forgot. BS. First, they've been split for several years and we've been together for over a year and this mutual friend has known about me since we started dating. How could they "forget"? They know that's his ex. It doesn't matter what she does or who she's dating and it doesn't need brought up, especially around me. I no longer trust this mutual friend. He told me it didn't mean anything and he only wanted me and no one else.

Then this Tik Tok crap happens. Yeah. Red flag much?

[Asker]

Second, he did not talk to them in front of me and I never got a direct apology. He apparently talked to them without me and they apologized to him. They should have apologized to me and he should have immediately told them to stop talking about her in front of me.

[Asker]

I don't want to be controlling or seem possessiv or overly jealous. But clearly, something is going on behind my back. I don't appreciate that either because I'm really good to him and have never had a reason to doubt him until now. It feels extremely hurtful because he always told me he'd never cheat because we've both been cheated on before and he'd never hurt someone like that.

Even if he hasn't physically cheated, you can cheat emotionally too. At the very least, he's lying to me about still being involved in her life to some degree - either by still talking to her or by keeping tabs on her. That is not ok at all. He would be really mad at me if I was doing this. I would never do that though. I just can't do that to someone. If I didn't love him, I'd just leave him. I couldn't cheat on someone or talk to an ex behind my partner's back like that.

Clearly, something is going on and I just want honest answers to find out the truth about it all. I'm really disappointed in him, that's for sure.

[Asker]

It makes me feel like he still has feelings for her or hasn't fully let her go. Maybe he thinks about her in bed instead of me. Maybe he wishes I was her.

[Asker]

I was able to look her up online and see that yes she does have a Tik Tok. The video that popped up that I was allowed to watch without logging in showed she was doing some stupid "who's your soulmate?" thing were the zodiacs go above you and a random one stops and the one it stops on is your soulmate's sign. Hers stopped on the zodiac sign of my boyfriend. Now I'm not reading too far into that unless she posted it for him to say thetre soulmates or something. And those are BS anyhow.

She doesn't have many videos but by the description of one, it looks like she is trying to become a "Tik Toker" lmao SAD. She had one about supporting new and upcoming Tik Tokers lol Aka NO LIFE. But I couldn't really watch any videos but the one because it makes you download the app for the "full experience". Same with Facebook. I found her on there but I can't see who she is friends with or what she posts because it's private. But I do see her profile pic is of her and her boyfriend and she states she is taken. But still. This situation is BS and I am very uneasy about the Tik Tok thing.

[ManOnFire]

Take it easy. Just tell him you saw her and go from there. See what he says, and then you make a decision on out.

[Asker]

He is going to be told it's me or her. He has to choose bec he isn't having both. If I'm so much better and he only wants me, then she needs to go once and for all. All ties need cut ASAP. It's entirely disrespectful to me. And I'm sick of him disregarding my feelings too. He just says I have no reason to be upset or annoyed any time I have those feelings even when I do.

[ManOnFire]

Tell him exactly that.

[ManOnFire]

Did you talk to him about it?

[Asker]

Not yet. I am trying to wait for a good time to bring it up when we are both calm and have a little bit to ourselves. I think tonight would be a good night.

[Anonymous]

Just as social media becomes more childish, so do the people that use it. Yes, he is probably cheating.

[Asker]

Thank you. As soon as I have the proof, he's being told to choose. Me or her. If he really meant what he says about only wanting me and not wanting anyone else, his ex would be the furthest from his mind. This is unacceptable and I won't tolerate it.

[Anonymous]

He's over 18 with tiktok... check his hard drive

[Asker]

Dude is literally in his 30s. He is addicted to it. He's always on there. I don't see the appeal at all. Half the stuff he watches is so stupid and annoying. Or it'll be dumb stuff that's clearly fake/staged that he believes/takes seriously. It's ridiculous. He acts like he can't use the bathroom without watching it.

[Opinion Owner]

That's pedophile behavior