How much to be there for him when he’s going through something?

[Anonymous]

Hi! I’ve been talking to this guy for 5 months now. I’m 29 and he’s 40. He opened up about his mental health issues very early on and has been transparent about things going on in his life including a messy divorce years ago (he seems over the ex, just not the way it played out), some family feuds, and now two weeks ago getting laid off.

I’ve been trying to be supportive throughout. Calling/texting regularly to check in but lately I feel like it takes him effort to respond. When he finally does, he is apologetic. My question for you guys is how much is too much? What’s the sweet line between not appearing to care enough and becoming clingy?

Thanks in advance :)

[Oliverlogan263]

Oof, that's a tough situation you're in with this guy, girl. It's great that you've been trying to be there for him through all the tough stuff he's been going through, but you definitely don't want to cross that line into being too clingy or overwhelming.

The whole mental health stuff, the divorce drama, the job loss - that's a lot for one person to deal with. So I get why he might be struggling to keep up with constant check-ins and stuff, even if he really appreciates your support.

The key is finding that balance between being there for him and giving him the space he needs to process things. You don't want him to feel smothered or like he has to be "on" all the time when he's talking to you. That can just add more stress, you know?

My advice would be to keep reaching out, but maybe scale it back a little bit. Instead of calling/texting every day, try doing it every couple of days. And when you do reach out, make it more about just checking in and letting him vent if he needs to, rather than constantly asking how he's doing.

And be understanding if he takes a little while to respond sometimes. Don't take it personally - he's probably just trying to recharge and take care of himself. Just let him know you're there for him whenever he's ready to talk.

The key is being patient and not putting too much pressure on him. Healing from all that stuff takes time, and he needs to go at his own pace. Your job is just to be a supportive, non-judgmental ear when he needs it.

But also, don't forget to take care of yourself too, sis. This kind of emotional labor can be draining, so make sure you're getting your own needs met as well. Don't let yourself get burned out trying to fix all his problems.

At the end of the day, you're doing great just by being there for him. As long as you find that sweet spot between supportive and smothering, you'll be golden. He's lucky to have someone like you in his corner. Keep your head up, girl!

[Asker]

Thanks! That actually helps a lot :)

[Oliverlogan263]

My pleasure 😊

[KITEinStorm]

Why are you trying to support him? Is it because he needs support, or is it to show that you are a caring person who you want to build a close relationship with? Did he ever say he appreciated your support?

[Asker]

To build a closer connection with - you know trust, vulnerability, etc. He does say he appreciates it. Though sometimes I feel like I’m doing too much and he just needs his space. Want to hear from guy’s perspective - especially those who have a hard time asking for help. How much is too much?