Guys - What are his feelings? Is there a chance?

[Anonymous]

A couple of weeks ago I started an affair with an old friend. We're both single. We were never very close. I know he was very interested in me one and a half year ago, at the time, I was in a relationship and I refused him. I've learnt to look at things a guy DOES and not SAYS. He ended friends with benefits prior to our talk about relationships. He spent a lot of time with me, texted me a lot or called. We laughed a lot, he looked at me often smiling. At his place he kept making sure if I have everything I want, in public he was a real gentleman. After spending some nights at my place he cleaned my car windows from frost. He initiated the 'relationship talk'. I loved how he behaved towards me, very respectful and attentive After 5 weeks of this bliss he went away to a soldier's training for a week. He came back saying he realized he hadn't fallen in love with me. It broke me. We broke up. He sounded and looked very sad that he hurt me. I know that he has a thing for older women. We have lots of things in common and there was no reason to suspect the absence of strong feeling towards me prior to him leaving. We have great sex. We never had a conflict, everything went smoothly. Suspiciously so. Any insights?

Updates

1 y

I had never expected to fall in love with him, but I did and very Quickly because of how he treated me. I don't think I pressured him in any sort of way.

[Brendan824]

I was like you haven't put a ring on him yet damn until you said he doesn't like you like that anymore. But that does give me superhero trying to hide his identity vibes so maybe he's spiderman

But on a more helpful note, maybe when he left he had time to think and maybe he felt like he was doing all this and didn't feel it was reciprocated.
Or maybe he found someone else or just wants to take a break

I'm really hoping it's the spiderman scenario. It is odd essentially out of nowhere he just lost feelings for you

[Asker]

I am sure it was reciprocated. My love language is caring - always had a hot meal (which he loved and wants me to teach him) I never bothered him when he played games. He wanted to teach me some of the games (I loved it), when he had cat trouble, I came to the rescue, a massage... I never complained about anything. He said how he admires how kind I am, how caring. That he thinks I am prettier than I think.

[Asker]

He said that while being away, he remembered one of the older women he had an affair with before me and said if he had been in love, it wouldn't have never occurred to him to think of her...

[Asker]

*car trouble

Also, he said he liked how pragmatic, logical and smart I am.

I just need to understand it all...

[Brendan824]

Oh then maybe he was just caught up in the moment with you or felt like the relationship was going to fast and had some space to think about it. He told you which is the right thing to do but that might not mean he wants it to end there. Did he make an attempt to work it out. If so and you want to get back with him why not try to do so.

[Asker]

I would understand slowing things down. He broke up with me, not I with him. I would love to get back together. We are in contact (he came by twice since), he says he likes spending time with me (suggested a Saturday trip, so it's not only about sex). But doesn't seem to want to get back together, for the only reason of not falling in love. We do have things in common and in the long run infatuation goes away and what stays is respect, kindness, communication, friendships... And we had that

[Anonymous]

He’s not that old that for sure, but he’s in his 30s. So I wonder what his past relationships were like if he had any?

[Asker]

He had a 7 year old relationship with a woman 13 years older. Apart from that he doesn't have many experiences

[Opinion Owner]

Did she leave him?

[Asker]

One of the reasons they broke up was because she was jealous of me. I never gave her any reason to, I always invited them as a couple. Never flirted with him either. He might have liked me at the time though...

[Asker]

I don't know for sure who initiated the break up

[Opinion Owner]

Which really is crazy because you say you never gave her a reason to be jealous of you but now you’re trying to get w him. This isn’t an attack on you, I don’t know you. But if you think about, it just sounds suspicious. It’s possible he went back to her. Especially if she broke it off w him. He still had feelings for her.

[Asker]

They're broken up for more than a year. Until now I DID see him only as a friend. This January after a longer drought if you catch my meaning, I thought I would try to kiss him and if there's a spark, have sex. To my big surprise there was more than a spark. Just saying... His ex got together with one of his friends soon after the break up

[Opinion Owner]

I see. Even so sounds as though he still has feelings for her. Just make sure he’s completely over her cause the minute she needs help he’ll go running back to her