Advice for someone feeling stuck?

[Anonymous]

For context, I’ve been with my boyfriend for over a year. We moved in together a little over three months ago. Ever since we’ve moved in together there’s been a lot of problems; 1. He doesn’t have a full time job which in turn makes me have to work more to keep us financially afloat. Anytime I bring it up he says “I’m trying” or gets defensive. 2. He never cooks or cleans unless I ask. As for cooking he won’t do anything at all unless it’s microwaveable, he will say “I don’t know how” or give an excuse. 3. Whenever I mention an action bothering me or his tone he’s immediately defensive and turns it onto me. Or says “he’s never enough for me” I’m being patient, giving him the time he needs to work on some of these things but I see no action behind his “trying”. I don’t want to break up cause it was so good in the beginning but it’s exhausting being his mother and maid. Note: I’m well aware that when you move in you will get in disagreements cause you were raised differently. Just feels like more than that.

[StarWarGirl]

In the beginning everything seems perfect and beautiful. So if this is the reason you are holding your then you should reconsider it and need to see any other reasons to do so.

How he is acting could have few reasons. One reason can be that maybe he is stressed and depressed but otherwise he is really responsible by nature. Another reason can be that he is irresponsible by nature what is never going to change.

If it's second reason then there is no solution but you are already loving a master of hell. Are you willing to live like that forever?

If it's the first reason then it's going to take a lot time and patience for you. Until and unless his situation won't get better he will be same or unless and until he get some new positivity from within he is not going to try doing anything. It may take a lot time like years. So you have to go through struggle to the level of exhaustion. It can also be possible that his situation may never get better so this will become his permanent nature.

So it's upto you, your choice, what do you feel? Is there any potential of him to change? How far you are willing to try and struggle and sacrifice?

I happened with such kind boyfriend with such condition. His life was totally mesh like hell. But I have sensed his potential. So I chose to try and help him. It cost me lakhs to bring him out of that deep hole to the surface level. And it took me one and half years of struggle and pain. It was like hell. "Hell" is small word to define it what much struggle i wad going through handling him supporting him. I was fuy exhausted. But after one and half year he got himself back. Now he is doing far better than I can do.

You need to think practically and need to take a practical decision. Life isn't all only about love. Love can't feed your tummy alone. It's life long decision. So choose wisely with open eyes. With practical reason.

In my case I was at dead end. And there was something that made all that happen like some heavenly force else was writing our story. It just happened. Also I had no other choice to not give up. Also he was the right guy for me so it was all worth doing.

But if you have choice and if you can do then you should reconsider. Choice is yours. Life is yours.

[Anonymous]

I’ll be honest, I think moving in within a year of knowing each other was a bit too soon. Around the time you guys moved in (was that like 6-7ish months?) would be when the honeymoon phase is burning off. So the timing just isn't great because not only do you get to find out who he is without the rose colored glasses on, but you’ve now committed to living with him. I want to be more optimistic but my advice, which would be talking to him about everything, has been tried numerous times and he just isn’t receptive. At the end of the day, it isn’t personal or meant to be a blow to his ego but you need a “partner”. That means someone who can pull their own weight and do their part in the relationship. It’s far too often that men treat their partners as a maid/mother, and I blame a lot of that on their own moms babying them to an extent growing up. In any case you don’t want her role, so maybe it’s time to start reconsidering if this is the man you want to stay with. I get that things were great in the beginning but you shouldn’t stay with someone based off memories. Make your decisions off who he is now, because that’s who you’re going to be dealing with going forward.

[Anonymous]

Honestly if it’s been a year I’d consider moving on. You shouldn’t feel guilty for w saying things better in life. There’s a difference between a girl who’s just out looking for a man w money vs what you want. You’re at least working to try to make things better. If he’s not going to change you have to leave at sometime. You continuing to stay just reinforces to him that as much as you complain in his eyes, you’re going to put up w it. Which means it’ll continue to be the same or get worse. Maybe leaving him will tell him indirectly that a woman isn’t going to deal w this. So if I expect to keep someone, start a family, maybe I should make things better for myself. Was he raised by an intact family? Sometimes it’s good to be selfish when you need to take care of yourself at turns. This is one of those times.

[Static_In_The_Attic]

Communication is the key & as for keys if you two are going to open doors in the future sitting down & having a heart to heart conversation is the way to go. As for the future the good thing about it is that it hasn’t been written yet. As for your future’s together who knows but if you two want a future together you two have to work on the present. As for change some people don’t like change & if your boyfriend is unwilling to change take a good look at your current situation because that is what your future looks like.

Moving in together is a learning experience & you two still have some things to learn.

[Alex-Snow]

I think you are being used by him. How old is he? I think you need to put your foot down and tell him to share all expenses and house work equally or it is over. How is ur sex life with him? Any issues there?

[Staximus]

Don't date bums. Tell that bum to get a job or you're moving out. You're not his mom, you need a man with a sense of responsibility. Whatever you do, Do not let this bum get you pregnant.

[Staximus]

Tell him you feel like his mom and not his girlfriend and to act like a man

[Staximus]

Instead of a child

[Nikki1989]

Why are you even with him?