Can men and women REALLY just be friends?

Question

A while ago me and some coworkers went out on the weekend. We had fun, we ended up eating after and the discussion came up with my male coworker saying that we could be friends outside of work. I looked at him and stated that I don’t believe in having single male friends, the only male friends I currently have—that I consider friends are relationships or married (I am also cool with their wives/SO). He looked at me and was surprised and asked if I think he would develop feelings for me. He’s also mentioned I’m like “one of the boys” to him. I told him it’s natural whether he develops them or I do—it can happen especially the more you spend time with someone. While most people may say its fine—for myself (its happened to me and I’ve seen it happen to others where you think you are friends and one person likes you more than a friend) I stare clear of it. But now this male coworker insists that we will be friends outside of work. I will admit, if he asked me out I would definitely accept.. but after his comments I’ve drawn the line with us being coworkers.

Sooo I said all that to say, what are your thoughts on having friendships with the opposite sex?

14gurlz2gagonit · Accepted Answer

I basically think the same as you. Once the 1 on 1 stuff starts to happen it's just a matter of time until one or both go to a zone that I would never go with one of the bros.

300,000+ years of evolution have designed us to want to fuck. Being single and not having a place to dump that energy just makes it more likely. My friend used to compare it to "hang around in the bathroom long enough and sooner or later you're going to take a shit."

I used to work an executive office job and I had a major stance of absolutely no fraternization. But I've watched plenty of chicks and dudes hook up and even cheat on their own relationships just because of the proximity to other options at work. I'm of the opinion that if you have time to find romance in the office then you're not working hard enough. Those chicks would try too, but I had way too much pussy when I'm off work and plus I've watched those chicks get ran through by at least 6 different guys in the office and you already know those dudes told me all the details or at least bragged about re-arranging her guts to me.

Yeah, plus... come on...'Friends' are two people that share common interests. With that in mind, just how much do males and females share in common? I play video games, play sports, do drugs, drink and go find pussy with my friends... Does any of that sound like a something that would make you want to hang out with me every day? And be honest, what kind of guy just loves shopping and getting their nails done or whatever? Eating out, site seeing... we dudes might do it, but almost only with a chick. If you remove sexy time, attention, the job and mandatory fun... the two genders don't have enough common interests to actually sustain a "friendship" that is strictly platonic. ... I mean at best it's going to be a chick that uses a orbiter that secretly just wants to be with her, for attention and as an emotional tampon (someone that will even listen to her sexual troubles with her men), and he just jerks off about her and hopes that one day she'll let him fuck, so he orbits her like a planet does the sun, and acts how he thinks she might like him to act.

Men and women cannot just be friends.

Finchie40 · Accepted Answer

Only if there is no attraction whatsoever between the both of them, So you did the right thing , by being upfront and honest with him. if he doesn’t like your decision? Oh well , that’s his problem, not yours. I do the same thing when I get into a committed relationship with a girl , my girlfriend becomes my top priority over everyone else , and I respect her the same way I hope she respects me. Having opposite sex friends’ is not a good thing to have when you are in a committed relationship with someone , it can easily add unwanted fire into your current relationship, especially if it makes your partner feel uncomfortable. Sadly not everyone thinks this way , because sadly a lot of people can be selfish and only think about what’s best for themselves , but then they wonder why they keep failing in relationships, it’s because they are selfish , if you can’t prioritize your partner , then don’t expect your partner to prioritize you. Respecting each other goes a long way , if you want your relationship to continue and last and for love to continue to grow between the both of you . Why it’s best to wear your partners’ shoes before wearing your own when it comes to things like this. I already experienced and witnessed bad things happening to a relationship when opposite sex friends’ come into the picture , the relationship usually ends when this occurs , if you don’t allow it to happen , then your relationship has a way better chance of lasting the long haul over the short haul

unknowngurll1212 · Accepted Answer

Emotional boundaries can get blurry really fast, especially when there’s chemistry or shared time involved. I do believe men and women can be just friends, but only if both are really clear about their intentions and respect each other's space. That said, your self-awareness is admirable... and honestly, drawing that line early shows maturity. If you already feel you'd say yes if he asked you out, then your decision to keep it professional makes complete sense...

CindyRuns · Accepted Answer

I work in a male dominated field... engineering

I have a bunch of coworkers who I consider friends. I set boundaries for myself and for them and I don't cross them. With that, the friendship works well.

There is no reason why you need to rule out half of humanity as your friend !!!

MrOracle · Answer

Almost never (assuming they are both single, or have no morals). In nearly all cases, at least one of the two will find the other attractive (remember they already like each other's personalities) and once that happens, the motivation behind the friendship is corrupt. It's no longer platonic, even if you don't physically engage in anything.

You already find him attractive. That's already going to affect your thinking and behavior. And that will affect his.

The fact that you are coworkers is a problem, especially when companies are looking for any excuse to let people go. Otherwise, I would say that you should just start dating (meaning, you start the vetting process to see if you qualify for a relationship with each other). But since you are coworkers, that's a bad idea.

SteveSmith1985 · Answer

I think you 100% can be friends. (maybe not you and him, since you'd date him).

I think we just disagree on this. I've had many close female friends at different points in my life (some of them for many years)

While feelings can happen, there is no reason they will simply because a man and woman spend time together as friends.

He isn't interested in you romantically. He doesn't think he ever will be. If you didn't say that bit about saying yes if he asked you out, I would say there's no reason you can't be friends.

Your rule, will for sure work to prevent a friend from developing romantic feelings. It just denies you potential friendships.

Men and women can really just be friends. There are examples all around you of it happening. You live however best suits you. That's what everyone should do.

But the base assumption: that men and women cannot just be friends, is incorrect.

🙂

Shiprex · Answer

Colleagues yes and platonic same sport, activity, social circle perhaps but closeness will breed potential risks that are very unlikely to be welcome or reciprocated.

Anonymous · Answer

Of course. You can also be enemies. I was friends with a woman for 10 years. Than one day she wanted to use that friendship to build her own ego and I had to end the friendship. I think people who use the notion that opposite genders can't be friends are opportunistic, selfish people. Yes misunderstandings happen about the nature of relationships. But misunderstandings happen between men and women who aren't friends as well. So the friendship has NOTHING to do with that. This woman that I spoke of previously and I would still be friends if I had not deduced her actions as exploitative. In short we were never friends and I just did not realize it. So I'm glad she made her true nature known.

236color · Answer

Under certain conditions, yes. I'm married, 65 years old and fiercely faithful. I have a number of female friends. Living as I do in a gay neighborhood, many of them are lesbians. A single straight man your age, is much more likely to be a friend zoned hopeful suitor.

NathanDavis · Answer

only if they're capable of making friends... those who can't... always say it is impossible

bddddd · Answer

I have never been close to a female friend that I didn't feel an attraction for. Now feeling and acting on that feeling are different things, but for me at least it is always in the background. I don't think it is unhealthy. My impression is that women like being admired. Men do too. But it is always there.

kinggeorge007 · Answer

It's totally up to you. There's no universal answer to this. If you don't believe in M-F friendships without having someone else with them/you, it's fine. Some people can handle it. That's also fine. There's no single answer covers it all when it comes to human relationships.

Valdemort · Answer

I'd hope so, or three of my closest friends have been doing a pretty great job faking it the past 10-15 years.

thelokisniper · Answer

It can happen like the outliers in all questions. However, familiarity between genders can easily develop into relationship territory. It seems to me that if each person is happy with their life already, then the chance may be lower. re-state//background_color_rgba (0, 0, 0, 0), font_color_rgb (77, 77, 77), justifyLeft

IslaTheWitch · Answer

I met my best friend in the first grade... 40 years ago... yes... it's definitely possible :D

WhitneySnow · Answer

You are afraid you’ll catch feelings for him if you hang out as friends

I disagree. I have plenty of male friends I don’t have feelings for (though I admit some of them have caught feelings for me).

alice55 · Answer

yes and no it depend on the person some person can some other can't, some men cannot be friend with women they find attractive cause they want to have sex with them while others can be friend, it depend on the person.

AviatorTom · Answer

Yes, they can be friends, sort of, listen to Billy Crystal in the movie  When Harry Met Sally  ...

ProbablyClueless · Answer

In theory, yes. But from a practical standpoint, if you even need to ask whether things can stay platonic between you and someone; the friendship isn't a friendship.

Abbycado · Answer

I have no issue being friends with guys. I have a boyfriend for what it is worth. He’s got no issue either.

PrincessC16 · Answer

No, I never have thought so. It always leads to something Eventually and you usually end up regretting it because now your friendship is changed.

ewok737 · Answer

I had a female roommate for 4 years, strictly platonic. She was a flight attendant with the airline I worked at.

Now 40 years later she is still the best friend I have. I regard her more than my own family.

DancingQueen16 · Answer

Guys and girls can just be friends in fact one of my best friends is a guy and I've never had any kind of feelings for him

Shy_Steve · Answer

They can, But they can easily develop deeper feelings in most cases it's usually the Guy. That's why a lot of Guys say no they can't.  Because don't usually develop feelings that quick.

D_Bone_Steak · Answer

Only when the benifits are already taken advantage of.

Douglas1180 · Answer

Yes, and you can REALLY have sex with your friends.

Avicenna · Answer

yes, it's quite possible. I have a few female friends and wouldn't try to bang them.

Anonymous · Answer

It's not impossible, but it's very unlikely and this is why...

douride2 · Answer

I have had a guy friend since back in grade school. Just friends nothing more. If he has ever had other thoughts he has kept them to himself.

exitseven · Answer

I had female friends. Sometimes it could be confusing but mostly thy were just friends.

jahaims · Answer

Yeah but they both have to be mature with no romantic or sexual attraction

DrPepper12 · Answer

YES!! Why can't adults be friends without fucking each other? Or wanting to? WTF?

Jay-_- · Answer

Yes they can, but if they hang out 24/7 that's not the case.

noohair · Answer

I think there is always some type of tension there.

Pterodon · Answer

Yes but I wouldn’t call it common that actually succeed in just remaining friends for life

Anonymous · Answer

Yes, of course they can, if there is no mutual attraction.

Anonymous · Answer

If they don’t find each other attractive , then yes

Bklynbadboy12 · Answer

I don't think they can especially if they have a mutual attraction to one another

Kelly3_ · Answer

If they’re straight no unfortunately. One would get feeling from what I experienced.

Anonymous · Answer

Yes. Especially more so as you get older. People just need to stop thinking or treating other people as sex objects.

slatyb · Answer

Yes, they can. I know.

soe11 · Answer

Absolutely yes.

Osborne775 · Answer

is the dude is gay then yeah no worries

wkhan_87 · Answer

If they know set boundaries, ofcourse can be

bralesswonder · Answer

Yes unless she is good looking

DCVsMarvel · Answer

No, they can't I guaran damn tee it

Hispanic-Cool-Guy · Answer

If they are attractive to each other than yes

chocolatetwopointo · Answer

yes y'all need to grow up

ravagesavage · Answer

I believe it

LiamJHayden · Answer

Yes.

Jackguyy · Answer

Yeah it's normal

Travvvvv · Answer

Why couldn't they?

In_Trance · Answer

Nope

zombiewoof · Answer

Of course

Can men and women REALLY just be friends?

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

Can men and women REALLY just be friends?

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

We're glad to see you liked this post.