Guys, To any avoidant guys out here with avoidant attachment styles do you agree on plans and then ghost out of nerves etc when the day comes?

[Anonymous]

And if you do this why?

[SteveSmith1985]

I am not someone who I'd say has an avoidant attachment styles. This question just made my heart hurt.

I'm sorry this happened to you. It's amazing that you're asking this question so... nicely.

Most women would be angry as hell (along with hurt) if they were in your shoes. This question is not usually asked this way. You just seem hurt and are genuinely looking for answers. Most people wouldn't. Most people would use the anger to cover the hurt, and say "fine, whatever. he's an asshole" (Which is not unreasonable. I'm not saying that's bad).

You are genuinely looking for answers. The problem is... I don't think you're likely to get them from guys who have an "avoidant attachment style" (which I can figure out... but is terminology unfimiliar to me... and probably not just me).

Beyond that though, you just aren't going to find many guys who make plans and then ghost out of nerves. That is not a common thing. I'm not saying no guy has ever ghosted for this reason. It's just going to be very very rare.

On top of that, any guy who is so nervous that he would do something like this out of nerves... is not going to reply to this. He wouldn't feel comfortable to. If he made plans with a girl, and then ghosted her because he was nervous... he's not going to tell YOU about it (an analogue to the girl in his life he was too nervous to keep plans with). You would be the last person they would want to admit this to.

I would expect that almost anytime this happens, the guy is just a huge asshole. It's an asshole thing to do. Objectively. It's wrong to stand you up. But ghosting implies that he disappeared after doing so. The only reason I'm giving nerves any time here, is because you mentioned it... and you seem to have such a different tone than I would expect. It makes me think that this guy might not just be an asshole. But... that is going to be the explanation most of the time.

I hope you get some helpful answers that give you some idea of what he might be thinking. I hope I'm wrong. I just think you might never get an answer to this. That's why doing what he did is such an awful thing to do. I'm sorry this happened to you.

🙂

[Anonymous]

If I make plans, I deliver. I'm unfamiliar with attachment types, but I might be the one you listed.

[Anonymous]

No. That'd be a dick move.