Why do "average" guys trash talk pretty girls?

[DishLady]

I just learned that "behind the scenes" within my social circle a lot of the guys who are out of shape and can never get dates have started "friending" the top five most gorgeous gals in the group just so they can neg them and be toxic.

Mind you, these guys are sweet to me as a rule because over the years I've helped them through problems or walked them through job searches or whatever. If they get toxic with me I walk away and take my network of dignified young ladies with me. No need to expose myself or my friends to that kind of tripe.

But one girl was sharing how depressed she was getting because all these guys have been sending her VERY VERY toxic DMs. She's been strong and didn't answer, but she literally gets this type of thing all the time. And I know her... she's sweet, very smart and extremely pretty. She can basically have any guy she wants bc she's down to earth and genuinely interested in people. But this experience now is ruining her faith in men.

I've tried telling her... she's young... pretty... the full package. Just be patient and the right guy will come along. (I've even tried introducing her to a couple of guys I know who are EXTREMELY smart and sweet, just like her... NO DICE! The guys get all cranky and she gets all sad... Hmm.)

So I'm going to ask the guys two things:

1. Why would an average looking guy go to all the trouble to be negative and target one "out of your league" gal instead of just looking for a nice gal to date? There's something I'm missing here. If I were a guy I wouldn't bother...

2. Though she's my friend I also have to presume that this gal is also no angel since she elicits the same reaction from younger and older guys, average and handsome guys... I guess just guys. What would trigger a guy to treat a gal this way? There's something I'm missing here as well bc to me ALL these guys are super sweet and we talk/laugh for hours, no drama.

[HawkPerception]

This is just my take on it. It may not be correct for your particular scenario, so take it with a grain of salt.

Most guys I've dealt with are pretty direct and honest, especially when saying negative things about girls, especially in this day and age where we have to be careful with what we say to others. So if it's not just one immature guy, but a lot of guys saying the same thing, it's likely they're seeing a side of her that you're not. And my guess is that she rubs all of them the wrong way. If I had to guess, she's likely a pretty intense feminist who's sweet to the girls and not so much to the guys.

I'm not saying that she's bad looking (I mean I obviously haven't seen her). My guess is that she's very physically attractive (as you mentioned), and that has fueled her ego quite a bit, as she gets attention from guys all the time. And that likely reflects her coldness towards men.

I don't know. Just a guess based on the information you've given.

[DishLady]

Ok, but see... if a guy was unappealing to me and I wanted to knock him down a peg I wouldn't harass him with negative memes and say "this is you" or show something really negative and say "thinking of you" etc. And if a guy harassed me I'd just block the bum. Period.

But I see your point. She's no angel if she's getting these guys' dander up. Still I'd expect them all to be gentlemen with her and just walk away.

[HawkPerception]

I understand the more mature option would definitely be to walk away rather than stoop to a petty level and put them down, but I also understand the anger and frustration that people like that can evoke in you and know how hard it is to contain that sometimes.

[ryanrhino]

There is a strategy to dating to try to get a women to feel less of herself. Both sides aren't innocent and both sides are guilty of mental manipulation. There was a book, of which I cannot remember quickly, which says to ignore the woman you wish to "hook up" with and give more attention to her other friends.

We're all complicated, and finding the right person, no matter how often one tells another to just be themselves and say how they feel, doesn't work when we're all not genuine.

[SixFootSexy]

The main culprit is probably... Porn.

Also, your friend could be leading them on, then when they get dropped they're butthurt about it. Some women are b! tchy and deserve to be taken down a peg. Men don't just trashtalk a "sweetheart" woman for no reason. Those are special and no man in my circle would ever criticize a good girl like that.

I've lived long enough to know that nobody is exactly who you think they are on the surface.

[DishLady]

While I agree you're probably right, I don't like "deserve". I mean... how many dbags DESERVE to be left alone with their balls flapping in the wind? Millions... And yet I don't go around treating the dbags in my life that way. There's no just cause for it... and it would just make ME look crazy and THEM look like victims.

[SixFootSexy]

They still deserve it even if you're not the one dishing it out. ;)

[DishLady]

Good one...

[worldscolide]

Same reason average or lower women (4s or 5s) have an over inflated ego and have impossibly high standards. And basically believe that as 4's or 5's they deserve 10's, and are hateful to men that don't meet their standards.

Not kidding this is not a gendered issue, I've seen both sides do it.

[worldscolide]

As to the reason, frustration that they can't get men or women that meet their standards, because they don't meet the standards of the men and women that meet theirs.

[DishLady]

You mean “the must list” of qualities they don’t have? Yeah. I sort of think that’s a different problem (unrealistic expectations) as opposed to being toxic towards someone. 🤷🏻‍♀️

[worldscolide]

Having unrealistic requirements can cause someone to be antagonistic to those that don't meet ones standards. It can feed into those behaviors.

[worldscolide]

For example, male or female, if you're rejected constantly and you have a whole social media telling you that your standards are okay, good even, you tend to get jaded, and start hating the opposite gender.

Years ago, before I met my wife, I had reasons to hate the opposite gender, but they weren't standards, it was because of my interactions with women that were supposed to be close to me. My mother, whom I haven't spoken to in 10 years, chose drugs and multiple men over being a mom to me, plus when I was a child, I spent the first 10 years of my life in various states of black and blue and broken bones because of her.

And my most recent ex was insanely abusive, both mentally and physically, if i had a conversation with someone of the opposite sex (even my niece) I'd get beaten. I was constantly spied on. She even broke into my company email so she could watch what I said to my coworkers.. When I broke up with her, she sliced my face up, I ended up needing over 100 stitches, on my face, and where she cut through the cheek, in my mouth.

So as you can see I had good reasons to, I guess not necessarily hate women, but to be terrified of women.

The I met my wife and all of that went away.

[DishLady]

Ηmm, I guess. That never affected me in my awkward phases growing up, doing my thing as a young woman or as a stubborn old coot now. It doesn’t seem logical.

[worldscolide]

That's because you're normal.

[DishLady]

Hahaha. Thanks.

[Grond21]

Resentment has found a new channel. Instead of depression at not being able to get girls, many men are taking the tactic of dismissing them or tearing them down so that they themselves don't feel as bad. It has sadly become popular in certain manosphere circles. This is you will many comments of "mid" on some of the most beautiful women.

It's so destructive to everyone involved, especially the ones giving in to the resentment. But it feels empowering in the moment

[DishLady]

My goodness. :(

[DishLady]

Thanks for clarifying!

[Grond21]

You are welcome. I hope that helps

[DishLady]

I hope so too! She’s got this stuff coming at her from many different guys. I can’t even advise her on what to do to prevent it. (She’s just too pretty.)

[DishLady]

I told her just block these guys if they’re attacking her this way.

To play devil’s advocate for a sec… IS there something she can do to avoid this moving forward?

[Grond21]

Preventing it is the wrong tactic, in my opinion. She can't change these guys and she can't not be pretty.
Perhaps a better route is cutting them of to handle it externally, and to handle it internally see that ultimately it has nothing to do with her. It is only a reflection of pain and ugliness in them

[Grond21]

Blocking is right.

Make it harder to DM her would help. But no, you can't prevent other people from chosing to speak like this.

[Grond21]

It's possible she could help a couple guys stop doing it, but that is both difficult and risky

[DishLady]

Hmm. So I gave her the right advice. Ok.

She’s actually put on a couple of pounds from staying home and shutting herself off from the whole group. She’ll come out with me but if I invite her somewhere now she asks who else is coming in a strange nervous voice that’s not like her AT ALL. :(

We all used to be such a nice social circle. This is a real shame.

[Grond21]

Oh, so this is really getting to her then. That is awful!

Does it happen IRL, or only online?

I blame feminism and men like Andrew Tate

[DishLady]

Irl! Like in her phone directly!

Nah, she’s not a “feminist” (I put the term in quotes now bc it’s gone to shit though the initial thought back in the 1930s-40s was very noble). She’s a sweetie who spends most of her time taking care of the youngest member of her family.

[Grond21]

That is so so sad! Sometimes people show they are done being in our lives.

No no, not her. Sorry, I wasn't clear. I mean I blame this resentment fueled culture from men on modern feminism and the Tate like reaction to it.

[DishLady]

Ah! Ok, I hear you.

Yeah. I told her block them and come out for a walk. Poor girl.

[Grond21]

Yeah. It sucks

Good. She needs new friends. You seem good for her

[DishLady]

You’re a sweetie. Thanks so much.

Yeah, I hope I am. A little worried for her rn bc she seems to feel it’s all guys doing this to her. I don’t blame her. Keep her in your prayers, will you? She needs positive energy.

[Plugs]

Men hate beautiful women who won’t like them back , it reminds them they aren’t enough

[Grond21]

Absolutely. I like helping in any small way I can.

I will absolutely pray for her! Does she need some positive reinforcement? I would be willing to help. And I am a taken man, so she wouldn't have to worry about romantic interest either.

[DishLady]

She’d die if I mentioned this chat to her. 😳

Are people’s egos really that fragile? Smh.

[Grond21]

Well, if she needs some male encouragement to find her value in who she is as opposed to what some better people say, then I'd be happy to do so.

Yes. Ego can be very fragile indeed. Particularly when it's formed from a shaky foundation. Even if it's held very strongly, if the foundation is weak, then the whole thing can become a house of cards.

[DishLady]

So my whole thing with her is she shouldn’t have to lean on a guy (or anyone) to know who she is.

[Grond21]

I agree. The reason why I'm offering is because sometimes having a male voice to counteract that can be helpful, even if in the long run she learns to not rely on any outside voice.
But I trust your judgment

[DishLady]

I hear you, and for me, for instance, I do like to have that as a counterweight to make sure I have a balanced perspective on some things, however if I didn’t first train myself to have my own system of thinking I’d be a susceptible as she is now. Best she learn this lesson on her own before the next flood of male attention hits her.

[Grond21]

That makes sense. What did you do to train your perspective? Is she doing something similar?

[Plugs]

How does she look? If u don’t mind me asking

[DishLady]

Typical gorgeous brunette bombshell. Skinny waist, curvy top and bottom. Giant eyes that light up her whole face. Jet black hair. Like a movie star but sitting in a fucking diner being told she has fat ankles and who does she think she is and blah blah blah.

[Plugs]

That’s so sad.

[Plugs]

Is her hair long or short?

[Grond21]

That is a travesty

[DishLady]

@Plugs I know. :(. Just pray for her to pull herself past all this muck. in my opinion, social media is the extra headache that empowers losers like these to attack a girl like this. And if these jerks aren't careful she'll either turn out to be a basket case or completely untrusting of guys.

[DishLady]

@Grond21
Yeah, I know.

[Grond21]

I will pray for her too. Social media excacerbates bad behavior and preys upon weakness. I hope she finds men she can trust

[DishLady]

Amen. :)

[OlderAndWiser]

https://images.app.goo.gl/hX9WSCESnk1dWWuB8


They are consoling themselves (in a juvenile way) by denigrating what they cannot have.

[bowenw]

Possibly because they stand no chance with those girls.

[DishLady]

Yeah I think that’s the general gist of it.

[exitseven]

I do not know. I could not imagine doing that.

[Professor-college]

Well there's something I would never do I don't understand why other men do that

[DishLady]

It defies logic, and yet it’s apparently a common tactic.

[Professor-college]

Perhaps for some men... Society is becoming very strange lately

[Anonymous]

Define pretty please? I ask because women seem to think they’re all pretty, especially their friends when they aren’t. It’s like when Smoky was introduced to “Janet Jackson.”

[robocop666]

thier idiots. I am nice to women and hot women like me.

[KateCrombie]

Bcs they get angry when they can’t have them

[Anonymous]

So true. Happens.

[Jeff51]

I wouldn't. But that me

[PaleDale]

That's damaged, I'm sorry.