Why do men always lose interest in me after a few months?

[Anonymous]

I (26F) want to understand why so I can fix the problem. Men (6 I’ve talked to in the past year, between 25-42) seem to like me at first, texting, calling, going on dates, and then within a few months it gradually stops.

I know most men want something casual. I am kind of a lover girl sadly, but I try to go with the flow and not make that known. Some of my drawbacks:

-Single toddler mom
-Starting life over after leaving abusive ex husband so I’m living with my parents (I do not ask men for money)
-Post pregnancy body
-I’m very sad all the time. I try really hard to hide this. I act happy and stay focused on the other person. But I wonder if the sadness is still noticeable and makes me seem desperate or needy
-I do not look like an instagram model but most men say I’m pretty
-Been with 4 guys
-I’m 26 (too old?)
-I post selfies to make myself feel better
-I’m clearly insecure=annoying

How I try to make up for it:
-I am kind and listen to their stories, ask questions, I genuinely care about who I’m talking to. I remember what’s going on in their lives and am supportive
-I’m not very affectionate
-I don’t bring up commitment/expectations
-I make homemade food for them
-I wear makeup every day, take care of myself, dress cute (is this high maintenance?)
-If they don’t text me, I don’t text them. Maybe one casual “hi” but then that’s it. I never show I’m hurt
-I would rather save sex until there is more commitment, but I will do it if it’s clear that’s all he wants. I haven’t had complaints in this regard

I know I need to be happy alone but I think there’s something wrong with me. My ex husband cheated on me nonstop. My parents always say that whoever I am dating, there’s no way he could love me, I’m not enough. I know there are many ways I can improve. But I don’t want to be alone until then. My whole life, I just wanted to be a wife and take care of someone and kind of feel loved in return. But I seem to become an annoyance to every guy I talk to.

[Genie23]

Okay, the way I see it you're sad all the time it's because of your ex husband betraying your trust and your parents putting you down and I can't tell you're really hurt but the only thing you can do is cut them out of your life completely if they can't support you or say anything nice to you or at least distance yourself from them. They can't define your worth. I think your self esteem has got badly affected because of having emotionally draining and toxic people in your life. Maybe try therapy? It might help you heal the wound and work on your confidence, this way you'll start feeling positive. I think you being constantly unhappy might have been noticable on your face or your conversation and that would have made men want to pull away.

You deserve love, care, respect and to believe in you. Don't forget that. Those who don't see that, forget them instead 🤷🏻‍♀️

Once you have made all these changes and start dating again, make sure you ask the guys what are their intentions whether they're in it for casual or they are looking for someone to have a long term relationship with so you won't waste your time and emotions on wrong kind of people.

[Cormac995]

I think you just answered your own question. Look at your faults and work on improving them and make sure you keep up with your pros. WHen the first list gets shorter and the second one gets longer your odds of success will go up. Obviously the kids are going to hurt your chances but they still aren't 0 because of it. Also though if you're listing you're "Not very affectionate." As a "How I try to make up for it." Is a massive sign you have no idea what men want because the exact opposite is what you need to be doing or of course they're all going to leave you. A lot of men also don't like makeup on woman and your approach to texting is god awful if you want to date. Men hate woman who text like this I'd block you for it. I'm sick and tired of always being the one carrying the conversation when I'm trying to ask questions and learn about them. They just deflect and give one word or at best one sentence answers than vanish and I have no idea wtf happened. Also at a certain stage in the relationship if you don't bring up commitment like becoming exclusive or something than they'll assume you're not interested in them that way and won't want to waste their time. In short, you're making a lot of mistakes and come with a shit ton of baggage and that's why you're single. People can date someone with baggage and sometimes even someone who gets stuff wrong but if the person comes with the double dip they aren't going to bee seen as a quality partner and will thus be ignored. To clarify I'm trying to be direct and objective with my answer I hope non of this upset you or hurt your feelings I'm just being direct and do not intend to kick you while you're down.

[MannMitAntworten]

Your parents say you are not enough … how about start there. Ask what the hell it is you are lacking. Dear God I could not imagine screwing with my child’s (or anyone’s) mind like that.

Body you mention early. That just takes work. Perhaps a guy who you get along with will make you feel encouraged to achieve fitness together. Build you up versus chip away.

A toddler can be problematic for some men. Not for some other men. Just need to see where you both fit in.

The very sad part is hard to conceal. That is something that might be a larger obstacle for you.

The next part, not being very affectionate. This too can be difficult for some men but this could be due to your sadness and sense of inadequacy. In other words you are keeping your affections guarded close to your heart as a result. At least, that is where my thinking goes.

Be patient with yourself. If you can find inner peace you might feel more embolden to also find fitting love. A love that will last for both of you.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you just answered your question. For one a lot of men don’t want to date a single mother, it’s a lot to deal w. Especially w a toddler. Second your depression, sadness probably does show in you at times. You probably give off these vibes that you’re damaged. The men you went out w more then likely were just looking to get laid, that’s about it. They probably figured, you’re a single mom who probably hasn’t gotten laid in a while, so you’re probably desperate to give it up easier. A lot of times women like yourself w what you’re going through will give it up easy just to have someone hold them at least, to feel desired even if it’s just sex. A lot of men don’t like women wearing makeup either, so it could be that. I don’t know how much makeup you wear. It’s possible that you’re giving off some sort of vibe that this isn’t going to work like the other men so it’s killing the atmosphere. Finally, I’d say stop blaming your ex. Sure he may not have been the best person but you make it sound as though you did nothing. Maybe you didn’t, but in most cases it’s usually both participants who do things. Even if that was yelling, screaming at him. We’re still men. A lot of men these days don’t go straight to believing women, especially w this whole narrative of believe all women when it was found out a number of cases were bogus. Plus if I’m being honest a lot of men don’t have sympathy for women these days. Not after men are basically being told we’re worthless, leave us alone, do t approach us. I’m a strong independent woman I can do it all on my own.

[sawno]

"I’m very sad all the time" I think thats the one, having to care for a child is already a big ask. But if on top of that your never happy and always dragging the mood down your gonna drag a guy to his breaking point. To much drama and stress from both you and the kid.

[Ariesman81]

I'd say the best you can do is keep your kid separate from any new man. It's your kid... not his. Stop saying you have an abusive ex... it wreaks of lack of accountability. Even if it is all his fault, you picked him, which at the very least means you haven't made good choices in the past.

All that said... I do get a sense that you're looking internally, which is something.

[DryGermanGuy]

Your parents undermine/sabotage you like that? Wow… 😳👎

[nl171]

Feel free to dm me to talk more about it