Did I do something wrong?

[Anonymous]

So I have this friend with benefits. We’re good friends. Text every day, he usually texts me first. We’re on the same pager for our goals. So no distractions. I don’t really care if he gets a side girl I’ve told him before. We always use protection and our safe but he’s always telling me he only wants me? So last Sunday we went to church. Well me and my son he was at church already. He asked us to go eat after. But I was clear I was paying since this wasn’t a date and we are just friends and friends pay for eachother. Everything was good? Him and my son stayed talking he mentioned going outta town with us to get outta this heat. But was quick to say not a date. Well driving he tried putting his hand on my leg but I didn’t want my son to see. Everything was good? I thought so? He’s always telling me he doesn’t want a relationship etc. this was all Sunday when we went out to eat. He hasn’t texted me like he normally does and it’s now just one meme that he sends. Which isn’t really like him? I texted him making sure he was okay and if he needed anything he said he was good just hot from working outside but that’s it. Did I do something wrong? Kinda feels like he’s distancing himself. I’m not going to blow up his phone if he doesn’t want to talk. Any advice? What I do?

[RHK36]

Y'all hang out way too much for friends with benefits. He's around your kid too. Basically you guys are already dating. The fact that you're concerned about his intentions means you think too much about your relationship as well. You did something wrong by spending too much time as friends dating and not sticking to just the benefits part. When sex is there that's fine. When y'all start hanging out too like you're a couple is the problem. Can't have a bestie and fuck buddy and expect no one to catch any feelings. Either stay friends or actually just friends with benefits, but not both.

[Asker]

How do I tell him this without him thinking I caught feels? Because I understand what you’re saying. But he’s the one pushing not wanting a relationship but does stuff like this..

[bowenw]

It sounds like he is wanting it to be more and is upset that you don't. Hopefully he will get over it and things will return to normal.

[Asker]

But that dosent make any sense he’s the one always saying he dosent want a relationship…

[bowenw]

It doesn't make sense that he would be wanting to spend so much time with you and tried putting his hand on your leg when he says he doesn't want a relationship.

[Asker]

That’s my thoughts exactly! Even trying to make plans to go out of town with me and my son! That’s why I’m confused it’s all the mixed signals. I try following his lead but stop because he adamant about not having a relationship.

[bowenw]

Has he ever said why he doesn't want a relationship?

[Asker]

He dosent want to deal with the drama. He’ll talk about how his ex was etc and how he just wants to focus on his goals.

[bowenw]

He shouldn't assume you are anything like her, but if that is his decision, you shouldn't get too attached and see other guys.

[Asker]

That’s the hard part. When I’m talking to one guy. And it dosent even have to be anything just talking my focus goes all on then. Other men don’t catch my attention 😅

[bowenw]

That doesn't seem like a bad thing, especially for the guy who has your attention.

[Asker]

It’s a bad thing when I end up in situations like this because now I know the result but I’m going to keep trying and keep only focusing on them till they hurt me or till I get fed up

[bowenw]

Thank you for the MHO. 😊
I hope things work out for you.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like he’s trying to keep his boundaries in place. If it feels like you’re getting too close or out of the friends with benefits zone he’ll distance himself because he doesn’t want a relationship. Obviously though, we can’t tell you how he feels. If it looks like a ghost, acts like a ghost, and you’re too reluctant to ask for clarity then I guess you can safely assume you’re slowly being ghosted.

[Asker]

I thought we were on the same page. I wasn’t trying to be his or anything? I figured we were just friends? Everything was his idea? I was just following his lead… I’m just confused

[Opinion Owner]

And it was cool for a minute, but that type of arrangement can’t work long term. As a woman you can’t keep sharing yourself with a man so intimately and never catch feelings eventually, like you’ve gotta like him to some degree to be regularly sleeping with him and texting everyday, and he most likely noticed that. In any case, if he’s a fuckboy who was just looking for friends with benefits, it’s very possible he outgrew this and moved onto another woman. He wouldn’t really owe you an explanation for that either, due to the casualty of your arrangement.

[Asker]

You are completely correct, thank you for that. I believe I just needed the cold hard truth. Guess that’s my cue to not worry and move on.

[Opinion Owner]

Please don’t take my words or anyone else’s for the cold hard truth, because it’s not. Based off what’s going on, that’s the impression I got; usually men like that are fuckboys and cowardly ghosters. But that doesn’t mean it’s true, only he can give you that. Our words are simply food for thought. If you want, you can always check in on him to see if everything is good but I don't know, it’s just giving ghost.

[Asker]

It is giving ghost, I thought he was ghosting me before so I didn’t reach out to him but when I saw him again he was upset and said he ‘dosent get down like that’ and he’s be real with me but so far his actions are just off.

[spartan55]

What are you talking about, distancing himself?

[Asker]

Not texting as much like he usually does and when he does he just send one text.

[spartan55]

Okay, that's looking for an issue where there is none.