Basically one night this guy friend of mine that I liked was hanging out with my group of friends for like half an hour and he brought a girl he met on tinder like only a week before and they were there doing pda all the time.
He knew I liked him cause I confessed months prior but he didn’t feel the same way, we stayed friends.
That night I was feeling like shit of course and wanted his comfort, so I “vent” to him about my sadness (like “why I’m not enough, what is it that I don’t have, yk that depressed stuff), I also told him first that that wasn’t very nice of him to do in front of me, but I wasn’t angry or anything, I was communicating my hurt.
He got really mad cause he said I crossed the line and I can’t get mad at him randomly, he has now deleted our whole chat and doesn’t want to be friends anymore cause he doesn’t want people in his life that brings drama.
Was I actually wrong? I don’t know anymore, so please let me know what you think.
(Hope this is comprehensible since English isn’t my first language)
He knew I liked him cause I confessed months prior but he didn’t feel the same way, we stayed friends.
That night I was feeling like shit of course and wanted his comfort, so I “vent” to him about my sadness (like “why I’m not enough, what is it that I don’t have, yk that depressed stuff), I also told him first that that wasn’t very nice of him to do in front of me, but I wasn’t angry or anything, I was communicating my hurt.
He got really mad cause he said I crossed the line and I can’t get mad at him randomly, he has now deleted our whole chat and doesn’t want to be friends anymore cause he doesn’t want people in his life that brings drama.
Was I actually wrong? I don’t know anymore, so please let me know what you think.
(Hope this is comprehensible since English isn’t my first language)
Updates
7 mo
That’s the point, he saw me as someone he could brag to even tho he told me he cared about me and that I was his friend, tho it’s true he never acted like it cause I was basically a therapist to him, but I chose to believe him cause I wanted it to be true really bad.
Updates
7 mo
I accidentally updated the post so don’t mind it.
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
1Opinion
Yes, you were in the wrong. You assume anyone you like should also like you. How is it OK for you to have your preferences, yet others aren't entitled to theirs? You chose to hang out with a group of friends. This was not something planned by you, so you had no say in who showed up and what they did while there. No one said you had to stay, if you felt uncomfortable, but you had no right to take it out on others.
Your choice has closed the door for any potential future relationship you might have had with this guy, as he'll always remember you unleashing on him and never trust that he could feel safe with you. Turn this into a learning experience, so you don't repeat it with other guys.
I understand. I wasn’t trying to make him like me, he doesn’t and that’s okay, I just wanted to know why cause I was sad, I wanted to know what he thought about me as a person.
What he did hurted me because he has been always like this to me, he would come to me talking about what he did with girls or how much he liked someone or sending me pictures of the hickeys a girl gave me. I just felt like he never was really caring of my feelings even tho we were friends, that’s all.
There's no way he could help you understand why you were sad, as this was your choice, not his. You were not entitled to his thoughts of you as a person. That would be up to him to share, if he chose to do so.
You are the one defining this as a friendship. He was just looking to you as someone he could brag to. He didn't hurt you. You hurt yourself by expecting him to be different than he is. It was your expectations that led to your hurt, and only you are in control of the expectations you choose to hold onto. Let's say I expect you to have 14 arms, but you don't. I'd be disappointed and possibly hurt, but are my expectations realistic? You wanted to see this as a friendship, so you saw it as a friendship. Once you defined it as a friendship, you unilaterally planted all expectations you have of a friendship onto him. He had no say in determining what expectations you would plant on him, so he couldn't be held accountable for any resulting feelings. What if he expected friends to give him an allowance of $1million dollars a week. Would you give him the money? Be realistic with your expectations, unless you're comfortable with others placing unrealistic expectations on you.
That’s the point, he saw me as someone he could brag to even tho he told me he cared about me and that I was his friend, tho it’s true he never acted like it cause I was basically a therapist to him, but I chose to believe him cause I wanted it to be true really bad.
A key problem that exists between men and women is women tend to prioritize words, while men prioritize action. There are guys who say all the right words, so women feel they are wonderful, even if the guys treat them like garbage. On the other hand, there are men who treat women wonderfully, yet if they don't say the right words, women see them as garbage. Guys see words as cheap. It's so easy to lie with words. If you feel it, show him... don't just tell him.
Stop believing what you want to believe. People are what they show you, not what they tell you. When words and actions don't mesh, always believe the actions over the words. When will you admit he was using you... not being the friend you were seeking.
Thank you for time and words, I just wish it didn’t go this way.
You're welcome. Unfortunately, too many people see only what they want to see, rather than observing the bigger picture and making realistic decisions.