Reasoning for His behaviour?

[Anonymous]

When we first moved into the new building, my housemate and I didn’t know how to operate the boiler system. Around 9:30 p. m., we went next door to ask for help. I introduced myself, explained that we were new to the neighborhood and the country, and asked if he could help us with the boiler. He stared at me blankly, didn’t greet me, and immediately turned his attention to my housemate, asking if we were new to the building. He then came into our flat and talked primarily with my housemate, while also commenting that people in the community aren’t very helpful. At one point, he mentioned that some had called me a tomboy, and he immediately said I wasn’t, which I appreciated. As he fixed the boiler, he explained about the timer settings and suggested keeping it off from 5 to 7 if it wasn’t cold. I remained quiet, observing, and intended to adjust the settings myself later. After finishing, his hands were dirty, so we asked him to wash them. When he did, I offered him a handkerchief, and he took it in a way that felt aggressive, almost snatching it, and stood uncomfortably close to me. I was surprised by his behavior but didn’t comment. He then gave us a tour of the house and invited us to his flat, where he talked about leasing agency reviews and other matters. Later, he suggested buying a small room heater, and when I asked whether it was legal to use, he raised his voice at me, saying he would do whatever he wanted in his house. I was very upset by his behavior, so I stopped engaging with him and told my housemate, in another language, that he was mannerless and that she could handle the conversation. While my housemate spoke, he still gave answers directed at me, even though I had stopped participating. Despite my irritation, he requested that I take his phone number in case we needed help and took the number reluctantly but declined taking Facebook request. All of this off putting behaviour was towards me. Why?

[Sun_Kim-Ai]

Words words words words words.

All this novel, and you don't understand at your ripe age that this guy probably just plain doesn't like you. Can't say I completely blame him.

[Asker]

I appreciate your input, but I’m just sharing my experience with specific behaviors I observed. This isn’t about whether someone ‘likes’ me or not—he displayed boundary-testing, assertive body language, and behavior that made me uncomfortable, despite me being polite and neutral. I’m describing facts, not assigning personal blame.

[bowenw]

He seems to have social or mental issues that could explain his unusual behavior. I suggest staying away from him.

[Asker]

Thanks for sharing your perspective. I’m really trying to understand his behavior, not just my feelings about it. What I found confusing was the combination of ignoring me, getting physically close, and then raising his voice later. Do you think this points to insecurity, a need for control? I’d like to hear more opinions.

[bowenw]

His behavior was very unusual and I don't blame you for being confused about it. It makes me wonder if he was high at the time or on the spectrum. He does appear to have a need for control as demonstrated whe he got upset about the quetion about a small room heater.

[Asker]

That can be a possibility. His mixed behaviour felt unusual for the first meeting. if he disliked me he could have easily declined to help me making excuses.

[bowenw]

He may also you attractive and why he wanted to friend you on Facebook.

[Asker]

Don’t know about that. I did not take the risk of adding him on FB.

[bowenw]

That was smart.

[bowenw]

Thank you for the MHO. 😊

[Anonymous]

I think it’s best to ask the person who upset you why they did what they did. We don’t know him and you don’t know each other. So ask him some questions.

[Asker]

As you can imply from the facts. We were not in the best talking condition to ask him and he does not seem like a reasonable person to reply to that question. I want to know his reason for his behaviour so that I can avoid that type of person much ahead of times.

[Opinion Owner]

You’re feeling this way due to one bad experience upon barely meeting him. He could’ve been having a rough day, week, maybe had high stress and it made him appear mean. Many different things can happen in one moment. I know I’ve met people who were upset with me because they thought I was glaring at them all the time or angry when really I just have astigmatism so without glasses I can’t see far, I can’t wear contacts and often don’t wear glasses so if I’m trying to see them across the room it looks like glaring at them.

[Asker]

Ok. I appreciate your perspective now. I did not safe enough ask him reasoning for his aggressive and mixed behavior. I was busy playing polite host and was genuinely surprised at his mean behaviour.

[Opinion Owner]

Have you ever thought that “playing polite” looked fake and that’s why he was put off by you because you weren’t being your genuine self and just performative? I don’t think that’s the case at all, I’m just giving you an example of how people can judge off first impressions and misunderstand your character. I’m sure you’d be hurt to hear that someone thinks something of you that you weren’t aware you were doing. That’s why it’s important to give people a chance and not judge right off the bat.

You thought he was being mean but you’re from another country and may have a whole different opinion about what being polite is. Like if you went to New York, you’d encounter a lot of individuals on the street that you think were loud, rude and abrasive but in reality that’s just how New Yorkers can be, it isn’t personal or intentional and if you had a conversation with them you may get a whole other side of their personality that you didn’t think was there because you judged their initial actions.

[Asker]

Got it. You are on the guy's side. I understand now that It' s ok to be aggressive and invasive of personal space that guy perceived to be fake where a person is polite and fake. I should have treated him like a subordinate work boy as he cannot stomach respect. Polite definition is the same anywhere in the world.

[Opinion Owner]

There is no side for me to be on, this isn’t a biased take. I’m talking about what someone could think of you and be wrong about it, they just made an assumption based off that initial interaction.

[spartan55]

He doesn't like you. Oh well...🙄