Is emotional cheating enough to break a relationship?

[Anonymous]

I mean say a guy has a girlfriend but thinks a lot of another girl and continues to for a long time (e g year) but restraints and doesn’t physically act on it, because he doesn’t want to hurt anyone, does that mean the relationship is broken or he hasn’t really cheated as it wasn’t physical. thoughts?

[Anonymous]

As long as he fights it and overcomes it, I see no problem. He doesn't have people keep tabs on this girl or deliberately try to draw her attention?

[Asker]

I think he does fight it yes, but it sounds like (via friends) when they are together at work he can’t help himself and has a soft spot for her and I think she might towards him too. It sounds like he avoids team meetings with her now because e doesn’t want anyone to see that she affects him, not one to one meetings though. He’s known her for a year, do you think anything to worry about or no?

[Opinion Owner]

Maybe a little bit. It's good he is intentionally avoiding her instead of ignoring the situation.

[Asker]

You mean as to avoid temptation?

[Opinion Owner]

If he has it, yes. If you want him to take further steps, you might have to have a heart to heart conversation.

[jahaims]

Cheating is cheating. Have some self respect

[Asker]

Yeah so you think it’s crossing the line even if it’s not physical?

[QuineJessica]

I would say yes

[genericname85]

what is "emotional cheating"?

[Asker]

It’s where you don’t physically cross the line, but you think constantly about another person whilst in a relationship and give them attention when your thoughts should be with your partner

[genericname85]

that's an egomaniac perspecive in my view. you're not the center of your partners univerese. so in other words what you're describing "being faithful and loyal" then. cause he's not cheating on you despite having some thoughts about others and he's not leaving you despite the challenge of being attracted to someone else too. what's so bad about that? people are never attracted to just "one" person on the planet. that's disney/holleywood bullshit.

[Asker]

No I get people are attracted to others, what I mean it more if that person thinks about that other person for a long time eg a year and when they develop a deep emotional connection with them, so much so that they are invested in that person eg their thoughts etc..

[genericname85]

don't take this as an offense or personal attack but to me this looks a lot like you trying to twist loyalty into something negative to be paranoid about even the most perfect boyfriend. like maybe he feels some deep emotional connection with someone else. he's still with you is he not? so it doesn't get more loyal than that in my view. loyalty is meaningless if there's no challenge of emotions for anyone else. then you're not loyal. then you're just out of options.

[Asker]

I get what you’re saying but what about if the emotional cheating is like when someone hides from the other person they like that they actually have a girlfriend, whilst actually spending a lot of time with her one to one, like I know there is something there, I don’t think I’m paranoid. They work together and a mutual friend told me he spent a lot of time talking one or one late at a work drinks function recently. Yes he is obviously attracted to her as people are and yes he is still with me, but doesn’t make me feel ok with it, that he’s potentially failing for her.

[genericname85]

you mean he's chatting with that other girl a lot or avoiding you to spend time with her somehow?

[Asker]

Yes he’s chatting with her a lot like they are really close and he’s obviously attracted to her and on the work function but I wasn’t there.

[genericname85]

as the outsider looking in, i have no way of knowing if that's in your head or not. maybe she's just a friend? I don't know. did you ever adress it?

[genericname85]

i mean i wouldn't call that "cheating", i'd call that growing apart, if that's the case.

[In_Trance]

Yeah