Guy is sweet-but-triggered, I don't know what’s going on…?

[DishLady]

A guy I’m now friends with after a strange start has been acting very triggered lately whenever we’re supposed to talk or meet up. I’ve asked him outright if he hates me or something bc he’s so triggered and antagonistic with me, but he says no… and will be friendly for a day or two then shut down.

Folks say he’s v sweet on me, but all I see is the triggered nail-biter whose leg is shaking when he sits next to me… 🤷🏻‍♀️

I know from different things he’s done that he’s v insecure. He’s v aware of all the guys around me (platonically for work, projects, etc.) and comments on the fact that I get along with almost everyone (so long as they have good manners). If he’s so attentive to everything I’m doing why not just ask me out and be over with it rather than to just stall around all twitchy and triggered?

[Friendlybro79]

You gotta ask him these things. I hate saying this a lot but we're just guessing. Our guess isn't going to fair for you to judge him on. All the possibilities we can think of to your question you can also figure out because I can tell you're smart.

More importantly, if you're interested in him ask him out yourself. If you're not interested in him that way, I say why bother asking strangers about it? I mean that without sarcasm, I just find it difficult why adults aren't more upfront with each other in general. You or him in this situation. It's 2025 you can be old fashioned and wait for the guy to say something or help him out and not waste time. Time gets more precious each day. Why waste it?

[DishLady]

Problem is HE'S still apparently guessing as well. Like I said... I asked him and he claims nothing's wrong. You're right -- it's 2025 -- but bottom line is the guy is not confident/secure in telling me how he feels. He says one thing and does another.

[Friendlybro79]

Oh I read you asked him if he hated you as not a direct do you want to go out with me or get a cup of coffee. Did you just say do you hate me? Because that doesn't encourage someone to ask anyone out lol. I mean I'm sure time and how you did this is hard to explain in text ha

[Friendlybro79]

Tone not time*

[DishLady]

Well it was part of a longer conversation bc he's always so awkward with me. I obvi don't want to go out with a guy who doesn't like me, you know?

[Friendlybro79]

That's fair.

[HawkPerception]

Maybe confront him about it in a not so direct way or push him gently to say what might be on his mind. Nervous and insecure guys have issues in being direct.

Once he gets what he has to say off his chest, your interactions with each other will probably be more natural. Unsure though, so don't quote me.

[DishLady]

I’d need some guidance how to do it wo being super direct. Y’all know how I am… it’s too direct for some guys.

[HawkPerception]

Honestly I'm pretty bad at it myself, but I guess if I were to put myself in the shoes of the guy, I'd probably want to hear something along the lines of:

"I could be wrong, but I feel like something's been on your mind, but you've been avoiding saying it to me. Just know it's a safe space with me, and I won't judge you for anything you say. But it's better to get things off your chest than to bottle them up. If anything's on your mind, I'm here to hear you out."

I don't know... something along those lines.

[DishLady]

I've said this... he claims there's nothing extra on his mind, but I can see it.

[HawkPerception]

Well then... I got nothing 😂

[exitseven]

Asking out a girl is the most terrifying thing a guy does in his life.

[DishLady]

It's not just asking out... even talking to me is an issue for him. He gets all antsy and his leg starts bouncing up and down in a nervous tick, but he claims everything is fine. I just shake my head and try not to say anything about it anymore, tbh. But everyone notices he's weird around me. And everyone notices I try to make a few exceptions for him.

[exitseven]

Ask him if he has to pee.

[DishLady]

Hahaha. You're on fire today, @exitseven.

I asked him one time why he was shaking his leg. He stopped abruptly and said. "I'm not. You're shaking your leg." (I've never. My family raised me not to have twitches like that even when nervous.)

[Cidknee]

You're right he should go for it. The world won't end if he's shot down.

[DishLady]

Apparently it will. 🤷🏻‍♀️

[OlderAndWiser]

Low esteem, no self confidence?

[ManOnFire]

Bingo

[DishLady]

BOTH. Bingo indeed.

[spartan55]

He is comfortable twitchy and triggered

[DishLady]

That just sounds so odd.

[spartan55]

You said it lol...

[DishLady]

(I know. But I’ve told the guy… if you’ve got an issue the door’s right there… but he’s sitting pretty in twitchy/triggered land. I’d never want that for myself.)

[spartan55]

So weird...

[DishLady]

Indeed. 🤷🏻‍♀️