My husband thinks I am cheating on him?

[Anonymous]

My husband has changed recently. For some reason, he has started doubting everything I do. He is convinced I’m cheating on him. Even when I go out with my girlfriends, he calls me and asks if there are men there, insisting that he knows there are men and that I’m with them. He follows me places, stalks me, and keeps telling me that I will cheat or that I’m already cheating.

It’s crazy because I’m his wife and the mother of our 3-month-old daughter. I go to work, take care of our baby, and take care of him. I’ve never cheated, nor am I planning to, but for some reason he is absolutely convinced that I will or that I already am.

I don’t know what to do about this situation. I’m trying to think of my daughter first, but I don’t understand why he always doubts me when I’ve never done anything. And when he gets jealous, I get scared for my safety. I constantly reassure him and try to calm him down because I’m afraid of what might happen if I don’t.

I used chatgpt to edit because English is not my first language.

[RavVid]

Hmmh. Obviously I can't know why your husband is suspicious of you but he clearly is.

It is called mate guarding and it happens across species not just humans. To a large degree partners self mate guard. Especially in early courtship. the guy and girl tell each other what they are doing etc etc. In part it is letting your romantic interest into the rhythm of your life but it is also self mate guarding.

I think it is just as bad to make your partner suspicious as it is to cheat. So broadly ask your self ( and him ) what it is that you do that causes suspicions. When you go out with your girl friends where do you go? Are your girl friends single?

For example if you were going out clubbing with single girl friends I would think that problematic. Both guys and girls can be unreasonably jealous but also anybody that has been cheated on is going to be suspicious.

In the first place ask what of your behavior is making him suspicious.

[OlderAndWiser]

If he has pathological jealousy, there is nothing you can do about it. You can let him look at your phone, put a tracking app on your phone, etc., but he will probably just conclude that you are being more careful to not get caught. Would he agree to marriage counselling with you?

[jazzy34]

I don’t think he’s changed, honey. I think this is who he is. People are extremely clever when it comes hiding their true colors. Unfortunately, there’s nothing you can do that will convince him that you’re not a cheater. Did he ever mention to that he was cheated on in past relationships? Either way, his behavior is unacceptable.

[Tamera952]

Sounds like a larger issue of his involving control. I bet it gets tiresome always catering to, and trying to reassure him. You shouldn’t have to do that. It sounds like he has insecurities and problems about respect and trust, that he will have to resolve.
I would try to set some boundaries for him, and perhaps get counseling.

[lightbulb27]

I would wonder the source of his fear. Did he lose someone as a child, resulting in him projecting that onto him. What is it he is really fearing.

time to visit a therapist ASAP.

[aaron13547]

My ex use to think this of me. I didn't understand why she thought this way of me I had only ever proved her she should trust me. I found out she had been the one that cheated on me... it wasn't that she couldn't trust me it was I couldn't trust her. That idea manifested in as as her seeing me as the problem when really she was the problem. I don't know I can't speak for him but I hope your situation isn't like mine. I dont have a solution, but I'll hope the best for all 3 of you.

[HighValue]

Girls night out is USUALLY for cheating.

Do you have social media where you post provocative/revealing pictures?

Are some of your friends that kind of people and he is thinking guilt by association?

There must be some influence on why he is suddenly thinking that if you have been together for years already and it didn't used to be that way. I don't know either of you, so I can't say for sure either way.

[Bricealan]

My prior wife, was always accusing me of cheating on her with just about everybody I knew. You know why? She had cheated on every man or husband she ever had and had sex with 30 men.

In retrospect I made the mistake of marrying her, knowing all of her past. SHE CHEATED SO MUCH, HERSELF, SHE PROJECTED HER CHEATING ME, AND I WAS FUROUS!

I WOULD SUGGEST THAT YOUR HUSBAND IS IN THAT SAME CATAGORY.

[Angelo75]

Sometimes it can also be that a person will think that you would do the same thing that he/she would do. As in... if he himself is capable of cheating on you, he might think that you are also capable.

Perhaps he has something going on in his head or struggling to stay loyal to you?

Careful though!!! I'm just putting the thought out there. I'm not saying that this is the case with your husband.

[SeriouslyNotSerious]

Why do you get scared for your safety when he gets jealous? That's a big red flag. You shouldn't be with a dangerous man. For you and the child as well.

[StephanieChick111]

Weird, I have not been in this situation. I guess just tell him that you are not going to cheat and how can you help him understand that you are not. Good luck.

[itsannalee]

If you don't do something, but you are accused of doing it all the time, don’t waste your time, make their hopes come true…

[FreyaRed]

Make clear table and ask him what do you get if he recognizes that you never cheated but he thinks you did?

[bowenw]

It sounds like he has low self esteem and as a result is jealous and tries to control you. Try to go with him to couple's therapy. If he refuses to get help you may have to move on.

[Nikki1989]

Insecurity and control issues. A toxic combination.

[exitseven]

I do not know what caused this change. There is definitely something that happened to cause this. this is where good communication can be helpful.

[Alex-Snow]

Marriage is about trust and he does not have it. Has your sex life and frequency with him changed at all?

[jkreuger95]

Just taking a stab in the dark, but he may be cheating on you. I hope not, but it's common in these situations

[genericname85]

maybe he's projecting. maybe he's cheating so he can't believe you're loyal.

[RedInnocent69]

He could be projecting (ie, he’s already cheating on you)

[Anonymous]

What do u mean u are scared of your safety when he’s jealous? How does be behave?

[DTH57]

That's a hard one. Just take care of your self. You still have to enjoy life.

[In_Trance]

There must be something you're doing to make him feel this way

[Awomaninamansbody]

Maybe he is the one who is cheating. Many men sleep with other men too

[Anonymous]

They key is in good communication with your husband.

[Jmmmfi4]

See a marriage counselor... soon. he sounds nuts.

[slatyb]

He's cheating on you. Get the hell out.

[Anonymous]

He’s likely cheated/cheating on you.

[MasterKS]

Typical asshole husband, may be he is cheating.

[Shortkay45685]

Keep his balls emty

[40andabellygoingon]

Has he gained weight