"I don't want to lead you on", "but I like you". Why a guy would say these?

[mknoll2025]

I met this guy through a dating site. He said he wanted a long term relationship but not in a rush. I am the same way and I told him that I practice monogamy. He said he's the same. We went on dates that he planned mostly (amusement park, movie, comedy show etc.). We enjoyed our time together; the holding hands, cuddling, and most specially, the sex. I got curious one time so I asked him if we are friends with benefits, he said "for now". Then the last time I asked again, " are we dating now?", he said "I don't wanna lead you on", "I guess we can call this a date", "yes, let's call it a date", He even said "I won't call this friends with benefits, friends with benefits sounds shitty", "I like you, but we are not locked in yet", "we are still knowing each other", "I am still on a dating app, I still want to explore". Hearing these, I felt like my heart broke. When we started having sex, I cut-off all of my chatmates and deleted my profile on dating sites. I know I don't have the right to ask him to do the same but I feel like if he will be still checking out someone else, then it's unfair for me.

The next day, I texted him that if he will be meeting up with other ladies from the dating apps, then it will be the end of whatever we have. He then told me that we should both moved on. It's painful for me, but I won't beg him to stay. I said goodbye to him and decided to block him on my fb messenger which is our primary way of communication. He does have my cellphone number and a part of me is hoping that he would reach out to me at some point. We only knew each other for 2 months but freaking this hurts.

[genericname85]

I mean clearly things went too fast for him. He wasn't ready to commit. I think you should take a second to really appreciate the honesty of the guy. Like you can't expect that level of honesty even from some guys who can genuinely see the self committing to you eventually. Obviously your desire to be exclusive was valid but I think that your ultimatum forced him to make a split second decision on the spot that he wasn't ready to make so he obviously pushed the eject seat cause he wasn't ready to deal with that. Like you put a lot of pressure on him in that moment and I don't see how that could have gone any other way than it did. I guess it would be helpful to set this boundary early on in dating. Basically explaining that dating is only acceptable to you in the first place if it's exclusive. Not meeting multiple people at once. This way you can avoid that situation later down the line: by the way it's really common for people not to delete their dating site accounts right away. Cause setting these up is annoying. Might as well keep them around till you're long term committed.

[WhitneySnow]

No way! This guy was a player. He gave her enough double talk to keep her interested and then dumped her when he got what he wanted

[genericname85]

@WhitneySnow what you said doesn't at all conflict with what I said in my opinion. He may have been a player. Or maybe he was not ready to commit. The result is the same.

[WhitneySnow]

Yes but your opinion sounds like you sympathize with the guy. He wasn’t being honest. He was giving her just enough to make her willing to sleep with him without really committing to anything.

[genericname85]

@WhitneySnow understanding and explaining doesn't mean agreeing XD I'm not here to judge

[Coden7]

Yeah weird dude. I would understand if he just liked being around you and said that, but since the two of you were friends with benefits, the two of you should have worked out the expectations better before that went on

[Nikki1989]

Why do men say most of the things they say? I am sure they spend all day writing excuses for their dodgy behavior OR new ways of shifting the blame to anyone but themselves.

[WhitneySnow]

He just wanted sex with you and any other woman he could

[BarryLiverstone]

It’s a softer way of him saying he doesn’t want you long term.

[In_Trance]

Because he doesn't want to lead you on but he likes you

[mknoll2025]

"He likes me" is kinda broad. But then still wants to explore other options.

[beenherebefore]

Seems like he doesn't like you enough to commit.

[AngryCarl2]

Dude wants an ONS, nothing serious.

[Northstar84]

He’s a player who was keeping his options open.

[Anonymous]

Because it works.😆

[PeterLegg91]

Its a tough one