Feeling left out when in his hometown. Is his behavioral normal?

[MassiveAttack78]

My partner of 5 years, who I have a child with is from a town far away from where we live now. We’ve been back to visit his family on several occasions. We’re here right now, actually. He often goes out drinking with his old friends, and I’m left home to watch our son. The thing is, we always stay with his parents, and they could easily watch him, but I never get invited out anyway.

Last time we were here, he went out after a wedding and got extremely wasted, like couldn’t even find his way home and was wandering the street and called me for directions home. When he got there he told me that one of the bridesmaids wanted to have sex with him. He said he decided to come home then (probably 2am). The kicker: it was my birthday. The way it came off was that he thought he was some sort of great guy for turning her down. Why did he have to tell me on my birthday? Why not the next day or a week later? I cried and he just got sloppy and took all his clothes off and thought I’d want to have sex with him after that (!)

Now we’re back again and last night after I was sleeping, he woke me up to say he was going to a party. I objected because I’m tired of feeling like a nanny to our son while he goes out and drinks. This is my vacation too. He went out anyway until 3:30am. He could ask his mom to help but doesn’t. Tonight he’s outside with another group of his friends. He hasn’t introduced me or his son, and we are right inside in the living room. I feel like either he’s hiding something or embarrassed of me somehow. Do you have any insight? TIA

[SueShe]

That behavior is not the one of a partner or husband but the one of a brat that has never really received a proper education on how to behave.

You have a number of options to address the situation. However, they are not likely to change much unless you place him in front of a decision to take.

The first option is to address the problem directly now and then in front of his parents and tell him exactly the way you feel, including the fact that his parents could take care of the child.

The other option is to talk about that in private but to warn him that his behavior will have consequences.

The third option is to prepare a list of issues you see with your relation and next to each problem, bring up a solution that you think is acceptable to him. Ask him to create a similar list, independently from yours and he should also bring up a solution that he may thing is going to be acceptable to you.

Next you sit together and go over the lists and find a consensus that both can live with.

Good luck.

[MassiveAttack78]

This was all very helpful advice. I agree, he’s acting like a brat. Honestly, at home, he never behaves like this. He never even drinks or goes out at all. Then he gets around his old high school or college friends and acts like he’s 18 again. I’m just happy it isn’t like this all the time. If it were, I’d have left by now. I’m going with option 2 when he wakes up. He was up until 3am again. Then when we get home, the third option might be necessary as well. Thanks!

[SueShe]

No problem, hope this helps.

[Nikki1989]

He is acting like a man who wants the freedom of being single and the comfort of having a partner who handles the responsibilities.

He’s not behaving like someone who sees you as an equal partner.

[MassiveAttack78]

Yup, and I intend on telling him that. He’s not a college kid anymore. He has a family.

[spartan55]

You should talk to him about all of this. He is at the point where he knows you won't do anything, so he just does what he wants.
Five years together, you need to be able to have uncomfortable conversations.

[MassiveAttack78]

I agree wholeheartedly. We normally have conversations and sometimes heated ones at home. Here it’s like he knows I won’t want to make a scene in front of his parents at their house. Maybe I should suggest we take a drive so I can strangle…er…talk to him about it.

[spartan55]

That's a good solution. Just make sure the car is parked before you strangle him.

[bowenw]

He is behaving like he is a young single guy and needs to grow up.

[bowenw]

Thank you for the MHO. 😊

[Anonymous]

Don’t allow him to leave the house by himself anymore unless working then come right home

[MassiveAttack78]

He’s fine when we’re at our own home. He never does this there. In fact he probably drinks a beer every six months and never goes out. Every time we’re at his parents’ though, he reverts back to a teenager or something. It’s ridiculous.

[Opinion Owner]

Keep an eye on him and watch out who his friends are

[Angelbabylips]

Wow. I would like to follow this question for sure.